What is it?
A sexually transmitted disease carried by the virus we all love to hate - Treponema pallidum.
How do you catch it?
Butt fucking, beaver fucking, swallowing jizm and probably fisting, although I am not entirely sure about the last one. Contamination occurs after contact with the other people’s syphilitic sores. Although these are usually located on genitals they can also be found on the mouth. So if you think you could just settle for a blowjob instead, think again. You cannot catch syphilis from toilet seats...but then who in their right mind would want to give a toilet seat a blowjob anyhow? Swimming pools are also safe, but hands up anyone who would happily swim in the same pool as someone with suppurating syphilitic wounds?
Have I got it?
This is where it gets ugly, people. Once infected you will break out in a painless wound or several sores in the area you became infected in. Unless you get it treated, you will move into phase two of the virus and will develop a really ugly red rash on the bottoms of your feet and hands. By now you should definitely know something is wrong as this repulsive rash phase is accompanied by patchy hair loss, headaches, swollen glands, weight loss (fat folk DO NOT go get this disease – you are better off at Weight Watchers)
If you are still unaware that something is fucking wrong then you are a total cock. But assuming you have kept putting off that visit to the STD clinic the final stage is paralysis, heart problems, blindness and dementia. Which can only mean that there are a ton of old people with syphilis seeing as many of them exhibit these identical symptoms.
Not bad if you catch it in time. You might want to alert sexual partners to it before they go down on you though.
Syphilis and the Arts