06 May 2006

And the winner is...

Well seeing as you were all so utterly hopeless the Contest Administrator had no choice other to declare every single one of you who participated a winner. Enjoy your prize orgy - I am sure that you will agree that I have been fair, accurate and highly complimentary to you all:

~d is a new reader to the Jungle. She is very fond of snail mail. I worry about this - if ever she sends me a letter I am going to have to get me one of them forensic pens to show up the traces of snail on the writing paper. I am not sure why she simply doesn't use a pen. She likes dentists, going to church on a Wednesday and I think she hangs out at the pharmacy a heck of a lot. She points at her crotch when people ask her the time - something more of us should start doing immediately.

Beast is a fitness fanatic who doesn't realise that only a nanna owns a lace handkerchief. His nickname for his arse is Karma which I think is really quite sweet and not very beastly at all. I am not sure what would happen if karma ever bit Beast on the arse. They could maybe turn it into a movie called Karma vs Karma. Beast works in a cloud of stale fart which is possibly why he has so much trouble with his algorithms.

Brooke is a schoolteacher who adamantly refuses to accept my amendments to her teaching curriculum despite the fact that I clearly can offer the children of America a wealth of wisdom when it comes to leading a virtuous life. Brooke has the sexiest profile picture of anyone I know, although frankly I think she's aged a bit since it was taken. Brooke hates scorpions, spelling mistakes and the smell of vomit. She likes beefy Australian blokes, cigarettes and Donna Summer. She's also got a thing about roses, bless her. Currently on a blogging hiatus, Brooke is steadfastly refusing to post until you all send her a picture of you naked. Just send them via me though - I will make sure she gets them.

Captain Carl is the sex magnet of the blogging world, despite being totally devoid of a human body he can call his own. Cappy through the ages has consisted of a Pee Wee Hermin in blogger form, a plastic 10" high little wee body and more recently a floating head without any body at all. It is difficult to imagine how poor Cappy continued to blog or satisfy his army of hot chicks with these limitations and one can only assume he has a very nimble nose. More recently Cappy has acquired the body of Beck - in all likelihood this is simply a ploy to win the heart of the lovely Ing who was too fucking busy to enter this contest. Adored by men and women alike our Cappy sails the high seas, breaking a woman's heart in every port.

ChickyBabe's blog is definitely in my top 3 favorites. This i find remarkable because it's not like she ever discusses vaginas or anything, however her writing is so enchanting it often brings tears to my eyes like a very very hot curry. ChickyBabe is TERRIBLY mysterious and I am certain that if she held an auction of a photograph of herself she would be a millionaire. I am convinced that ChickyBabe looks like Tyra Banks in real life and i am never wrong about these things.

Die Murane lives in Switzerland - the home of yodelling, large mountains and a funny-arse language that I am fucking sure isn't English. Die Murane is awfully nice even though his friends wear condoms on their heads. I totally recommend that you visit Die Murane and post on his blog in whatever language you feel like. In fact i think we should all go over there right now and have a foreign language post orgy. I'll do Zulu - you lot can quarrel amongst yourselves to decide who does French.

Dorian Gray might not be an actor but he certainly stars in several of my dirty dreams. Dorian is so smoking hot that when he was made, the lord created two of him. Yes people - Dorian is the twin brother of one of my very most favorite bloggers. I am certain you would all crap yourselves if you knew who it was. I am very much looking forward to the day when Dorian marries me like his brother promised me he would. I just hope i don't get the twins confused at bed time.

Egan makes amazing animal noises and pretends that he can speak French. That is probably because he is what Australians call a "Westie". Egan is currently on a well deserved holiday in Hawaii - we all worry terribly about him because works too damn hard. Egan has a massive family - from memory I think he has 24 siblings - and their names all start with an E. Egan is so fucking fantastic that there is a street named after him in Canberra.

Erin O'Brien is the best author in the world. Her hobbies are vacuuming, washing Ann Curry's hair and leaving cakes on the sidewalk. Erin's blog is a delight to read - the only blogger who has ever made an empty tube of toothpaste amusing. A very resourceful lass is our Erin - when she runs out of clean clothing she puts on her fuck-me boots and wears a newspaper instead of a dress. If any of you are in need of a good dental hygienist, speak to Erin - she has a very good relationship with hers.

You should all visit
Frobisher's blog to view for yourselves where he keeps his testicles. If you do go and visit him I suggest you stop off at your supermarket and buy some cheap sausages to take along with you. He will thank you for that and no doubt share his girly vodka cocktails that he pretends that he only drinks to take away his hangovers. Frobisher would like to be re-incarnated as a girl in order to experience childbirth. He lists his hobbies as shitting in milk bottles and watching Kerry Katona videos.

Gav is a new age sensitive guy other than his open gawking at little Nikki Webster. Gav has a very clever 3 year old who we all turn to regularly when we need life's little mysteries solved. Vag likes to do NW crosswords, attend goat slapping swingers parties and has a violent disliking for parenthesis surrounding mobile phone numbers. A true romantic, everyone should go out on at least 3 dates with our Vag. And then blog about it afterwards.

Hal Perry likes to pretend that his name is not pronounced Hell. A damn fine actor living the rock and roll life in Los Angeles let me tell you from recent experience that Hal is also a fucking great tourist guide. He does have a very odd taste in sunglasses but i guess these acting types do tend to be somewhat flamboyant. Hal's favorite food is pizza and he likes Jim Morrison a lot. If you are looking for a leading man i suggest you go straight to Hell. oh and if you are looking for someone to play a 13 year old girl with blond pigtails? Hal can do that too. He even supplies his own dress.

Henri Banks is totally the biggest spunk in the whole world. He is also an artist extraordinaire, a quirky little photographer and a very kick-bum musician. Henri lives in Germany although his blog is in English so I'm not sure whether he can speak German or not. He lives in the world of white trash so i am not terribly sure where he throws his garbage that is not white. If it wasn't for the fact that Henri is my brother i would TOTALLY do him.

Jake is a Scot who never answers his freaking email. He rides a bicycle with his wiener exposed and is the only Scotsman I know who is allergic to alcohol. Jake likes karaoke, NotFunnyChicks and cricket. Jake is completely crap at Fantasy Football and even worse at online pool. Despite the fact that Jake owns his own personal cat he assures me that he is completely heterosexual. If Jake got off his lazy arse and started posting he would definitely be the most amusing blogger i know.

This is a real tough one to crack seeing as
Jemison is a brand new reader on The Jungle - we can only hope that we didn't scare him away but indulging in a gang bang on his very first visit. A master of the Holdie Outie (visit his blog to see what that means) Jemison is a caring father who gives his child band aid to repair her broken balloons. Further adding to his cuteness is the fact that he serenades his wife under magnolia trees. Gentlemen: take note.

Jesus Toast was so named long before some poser copycat popped up on ebay pretending to be a vision on a bit of stale bread. Married to an Uma Thurman lookalike, Toastie is world famous for his You Must Choose blog and his artwork of nude woman. I am not sure if Toastie also paints nude men- i am scared to ask him in case he sends his dad after me. If ever you want a great night out on the town with strippers and all, just tell Toastie you want to sign a million dollar contract with him.

A thousand pages of typing is not enough to adequately praise our favorite Scientist and Earth Child -
Josh Williams. Probably my all time favorite blogger (yeah yeah I know favoritism is bad form) Josh is a friend of all moles and a gentleman to boot. Who do we all turn to when we need a batch of fresh cocaine cooked up? Where do we all run when we need money stolen from the poor to give to us, the poor? who is there to review our books even when we haven't actually written one? Step forward and allow us to worship you Josh Williams. You are an asset to Indianapolis and a man that mules worldwide are proud to count among their numbers.

Jozee loves tea although she keeps it as an ornament rather than something she drinks as one does. A great fan of shopping, Jozee works in a cafe that only appears to serve sausage and cheese. Jozee likes Janis Joplin and should definitely sing more often. If you want to marry Jozee, just ask her via instant messenger. Lads take note - fancy 'down on your knees' proposals are very 2005.

Le Chitalier is a rotting Chemist corpse with a wonderful sense of humour. Not fazed by the fact that she died at least 80 years ago, Le Chit is a shining example to old people who simply refuse to adopt modern technology. If ever you need to get hold of caffeine tablets, just drop by Le Chit's place. Of course you might want to wear nose plugs to disguise the smelling of decaying flesh, but i am fairly sure she's used to this by now. Le Chit loves coffin sex and rounding up virgins.

Maja is a Miss Clever Clogs geologist who spends her working life rubbing stones on glass to see if they are actually diamonds. Actually I am not sure if this is what geologists do - but I am sure its something to do with gravel. Maja has a sexy arse boyfriend who is also a bit of a lazy cunt when it comes to updating his blog. Maja is originally from Iceland and is therefore probably related to Bjork. I hope that she does not sing like Bjork. If you want to piss Maja off and you are male, just ask her for a plate at a barbecue.

Matty Matty Matty where do I start? Matty is joy to all those blessed with a wave of his fairy wand. Our Matty has a glamorous gay job in a glamorous gay dental surgery and is a shining example to all you kids that you can live your dream. Matty is also a dating machine despite me offering to set him up with a cute boyfriend in a snug pair of denim shorts. Matty is the sole reason that Barbra Streisand still goes on tour - without his publicity and selfless support she would be nothing. I urge you all to go read Matty's blog - he is a joy to read in an otherwise bleak world. Matty's view of the world is pink and sparkly and i think we all agree that a little bit of pink is never a bad thing. The thing i admire most about my lovely Matty is that he elected to be spanked with a paddle in high school in order to avoid detention. Matty is totally a winner to me.

Mone speaks in tongues on her blog, as well as entertaining us all with her English posts when she is not communicating with higher powers. You can always count on Mone to come to a party with heaps of whiskey but whatever you do, don't trust her with your dogs. Not unless you want them drunk in a corner somewhere. you can trust her with your cats though - and if you do hopefully she will post more pictures on her blog of her tits. EVERYONE SEND MONE YOUR CATS NOW.

Motor City Monk has a cat that you totally don't want to fuck with. Currently building a small house in which to keep his gimp, our Monk seems to spend a heck of a lot of time in his spa contemplating jet-stream orgasms. If you want to make Monk mad all you need to do is butcher a White Stripes tune and stand back and watch the sparks fly. Ladies, if ever you need a good book on anal sex, Monk knows where to get one from.

Morbid Misanthrope is well into dentistry and George Clooney. Famous for his ability to make gothic kids squeak, Morbid can be found eating sushi, caviar and tripe most days - that is when he's not standing outside airport terminals all night, shivering his nuts off and cursing the airlines. Anyone who needs to take out an restraining order should visit Morbid's blog immediately to discover all the ins and outs.

Nowhere Girl is amazing because she still uses a fax machine. If you visit her blog you should definitely not ask her whether she drinks or not. Always on the lookout for a decent carrot cake recipe, NWG is also a bit of a Thin Mint whore. She's also a total sucker for a nice set of new luggage and brand new pack of Sharpies.

Psychic Dumb Dumb is a dead ringer for Annie Defranco - oath. A woman of many talents, you have not lived and loved until you have had a Tarot reading done by PDD. Cheap and accurate - all you folk out there should stop what you are doing RIGHT NOW and head over to PDD's place for a reading. Not only is PDD a tarot reader extraordinaire, she is also a bloody good detective who is easily able to flush cowardly bullying co-workers out of the woodwork. Don't fuck with PDD - you simply won't win. PDD likes pink flamingos, has an outrageously handsome husband and a real name that would make your jaw drop. PDD is destined for greatness people. Start practicing your curtsies now.

Sausage is a mate who is very dear to my black heart. A friend through thick and thin, Sausage has been my anchor and my rock without whom I almost certainly would have shriveled up and died. A fellow Ron Jeremy fan our Sausage entertained me greatly in Los Angeles recently. She arranged for Simon Cowell to wave at me and she messed up the waxwork dummies specially for my entertainment. Although we would slit each other's throats in order to get at Axl Rose first we do truly love each other and i am happy to publicly state that in honour of our friendship she may have my sloppy seconds when I am finished with Axl. Sausage I love you very much indeed even though your hair is blue.

Steph is one of those chicks who simply never runs out of shoes. Not one to take crap from anyone our Steph is one of those chicks who stumbles across funny stuff on a daily basis. Steph can make anything situation hilarious but I warn you that her poetry is pretty fucking shocking. Steph has an army of fans who worship her like the goddess she is. If you ever meet Steph on a Big Night Out be sure to change her ringtone on her phone to something naff. she will pretend to be mad at you but I promise you she will be secretly very pleased. Give it a go - you know you want to.

Tickers is a total spunk who lives in a village with a comic book name. He is so funny and charming that I am certain he must be the local village crumpet. Although there are some who suspect he is a little bit gay, Tickers balances his pink-factor out nicely with bursts of karaoke and a butch job at the steel factory. Tickers likes Kylie shorts, starting fires and chicks with brown eyes. Don't ever go for lunch with Tickers - he can't tell the difference between a sandwich shop and optometrist. You might also want to get some household insurance before you let him anywhere near your kitchen.

Toby of the blinky eyes is a man of wit and wisdom. A law abiding citizen our Toby is president of our new as yet unnamed cult, an active member of the Seagull Extermination Society and a good contact to have should you ever need to find a body pickled in alcohol. Toby's wit and wisdom is greatly appreciated and I suggest you bookmark him immediately. He likes watching Blue Butt Monkeys piss on zoo keepers, feeding packing peanuts to his co-workers and reading Mad Magazine on the bus.

Traci-Lee Mott is a mate of mine from Essex. I score great weed from her but wish she would serve something other than chips and baked beans when I go to her house for tea. Her hobbies are soccer hooliganism, shifting stolen goods and palming her kids off onto her mum. Our Trace certainly does look after herself - she's not one to let her figure go despite having borne two mannerless children. Her boyfriend of the month likes track suit pants and gold plated jewelry.

Vince is an expert on extreme sports such as synchronised swimming. He practices extreme sport himself, having recently been on a butterfly watching holiday in Australia. Vince is very careful when he goes for a pee in case a lobster bites his dick off and is now contemplating purchasing a stainless steel penis muzzle. Go figure. Vince never eats tomato sauce in case PETA lock him up for being a cannibal and he's not afraid of showing tough guys on Harleys who's boss.

Wallycrawler is the chairman of the Canadian arm of the "I Love Tom Cruise" society. I get the vibe that he admires George Bush and Paris Hilton and although he has never said so, I am quite sure he is about to become a scientologist. Wallycrawler is everyone woman's dream and fantasy yet he remains modest and humble. Men of the worId I strongly recommend that you study Wally's moves if you want Jessica Alba to fart Happy Birthday to you. If Wally wasn't already married I would pay $1000 to spend a night with him.

Zen Wizard deserves a cheer for writing the longest blog posts known to cyberspace (other than this one of course - beat you at last, Zen) yet still somehow managing to be funny and entertaining. Zen likes to be tied up with his necktie but steadfastly refuses to admit to that openly. A lawyer by trade, Zen actually spends a lot of his day writing jolly long blogs. I am sure his employers don't mind one little bit. Zen lives in Georgia but is likely to retire in Montreal. He always says goodbye in falsetto.


-----------
Phew. I think I need a little lie down now...

60 comments:

~d said...

u are so flippin precious ! and to think I could be at the New Orleans Jazz Fest seeing Lionel Ritchie today BUT ( pointing to my crotch! ) I don't kno what time he plays! So...instead I will read nore and learn more abt ( dunt-dah-dah! ) THE JUNGLE !

BEAST said...

Blimey JJ , blogtastic....
Just off to shit in a milk bottle and leave it on Frobishers doorstep

Toby said...

In a word - Supercalifragilisticexpealidosious!

Zen Wizard said...

Never be it said that you don't come through with the party favors!

DorianGray1854 said...

Jane you are too kind. I'm just waiting to give you my proposal until I have finished my International Best Seller and can afford that beach side mansion I want to buy you as a wedding gift. I hope you can be patient with me, however; I'm totally O.K. with living in sin for the next year or so.

DorianGray1854 said...

Jane you are too kind. I'm just waiting to give you my proposal until I have finished my International Best Seller and can afford that beach side mansion I want to buy you as a wedding gift. I hope you can be patient with me, however; I'm totally O.K. with living in sin for the next year or so.

Captain Carl said...

Arrr.....crap that was a long read, lass.......ay love that you think ay be hot......even though ay know its because ay be parading around in Beck's Body.......
Dorian keeps beating me ta blogs lately......when ye are married can ya spank him for me

The Jungle is Full of Fabulous people...well ay think most of them are people.....

Jesus Toast said...

1. waffle
2. nutella
3. syrup
4. waffle

take a waffle, spread nutella on it. Take another waffle and pour maple syrup on it, then press the two affles together (gooey sides together) and you've made something that you can squish into your asshole (if you have strong finger bones and some time to kill). MMMmmmmmmm! I love cooking.

Bloodgood said...

hey Jane,
I can see I will have to start lurking a few more blogs.

Toast, I love nutella, as soon as Im done with my diet Im going to try your recipe. Does it have a name?

Toby said...

Jesus, my first assignment in my physics class was to write out instructions for making a PB&J. If I knew then "J" stood for "Jane" I would have gotten an "A+."

Anonymous said...

Aw Jane, that was beautiful! I'd wrestle you for Jake too. Not that I think I'd win but he'd like to see that I'm sure.

Erin O'Brien said...

Jane, I will wash your hair any day of the week.

jungle jane said...

~d:
Just write about the gig – plenty of snails lying about the place this time of year. I am not sure its possible for any human being to actually read all that in one sitting

Beast:
Fuck. I write all those nice things about you and then Frobisher gets the milk bottle reward? Injustice thy name is Beast!

Toby:
A man of science! Yes it is true – I am the one that your science teacher warned you about!

Zen:
Ahhhh! So that’s what they call pot and pills these days!

Dorian:
You don’t have to worry about a fancy pants proposal – sky writing is fine and so is hiring a television station for the night and having it broadcast live. I am a simple lass – none of that high maintenance stuff for me. And can you pass me a beer while you’re up? With some bar snack? So sorry, but I have the cat on my lap.

Cappy:
Ohhh such modesty you little heartbreaker. You know I was going to suggest that you take Chuck Norris’s body but maybe next time, eh?

Toast:
I made the delicious snack but I couldn’t eat it because I saw the face of the Virgin Mary in the Nutella. Are you related? You’re a dead ringer for each other. Unless my vision is just Jesus in drag?

Bloodgood:
About bloody time! My god you have even re-incarnated yourself…as another scooter. Come on Bloodgood – give us a little toot of your hooter – you know it drives the girls wild

Sausage:
Yeah! Game on! I would totally cake myself in mud for Jake’s enjoyment!

Erin:
I hope Ann is not too upset when she discovers that she has to share her shampoo?

Captain Carl said...

Arrrr.....fer sweet Chuck Norris action click here ultimate showdown

DorianGray1854 said...

Cheese and crackers!!

matty said...

I'm such a ditz. I posted my comment to the wrong posting! So, I shall copy and paste it here with the appropriate posting!

Oh! I am so touched. ..touched pink! That is awesome post! How did you do that? Hope you were able to rest up!!!

No one advised me regarding Rod Steweart, tho. I've decided he was not ever cool. My mom was just (and sitll is) nuts. But, I do enjoy "Hot Legs" ---

So, who is Pixie's father? Are you allowed to share this information with the www???

big love and hug,
matty

...I actually have a SECOND date tonight!!! Yay! ...and, I feel well enough to go out!!!

there -- I feel much better! (sorry!)

...Toby's eyes scare me. But, in a good way.

Pixie Sprinkle said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Pixie Sprinkle said...

I come from a good bloodline Matty...pure class...

Brookelina said...

You can't fool me, this is just your way of getting out of having a blogroll. Politics indeed.

Still, I loved reading about myself. I had no idea that I loved Donna Summer.

She works hard for the money....so hard for it honey....

Brookelina said...

Pixie! What are you doing up so late! Go to bed right this instant young lady!

PDD said...

Janie:
You are so sweet my little janie. I'm sorry it took so damn long to get here. I have been in bed all day. Not sleeping, but not wanting to do anything. I am under a sort of depression at the moment, but don't you worry, I am back. I have to take a shower and go buy some ciggies first. But I am back and will resume blogging in full force once I take care of the two and unless my husband doesn't ask for my famous blowjobs for the fifth time today.

Why don't you and sausage just have a threesome with Axl? It saves necks and time.

Brookelina said...

You also forgot to mention that I have the sexiest profile picture in all the blogworld.

PDD said...

Brooke, for pedophiles.

jungle jane said...

Matty you are never a ditz - you are simply 'creative'. You are also a 'creative' driver it seems.

You are going to have a great date tonight - i just know it. Make sure you wear something irrisistable and maybe don't mention anything about how you took your medication?

Brooke i don't need a blogroll - i just use yours. I think you should wipe your glasses - I totally did mention the profile pic - is Missy Wose a bit dopey tonight??

PDD i would do anything to remove your depression. You hang in there my lovely - its going to turn around for you soon. i just know it. Big hugs to you.

josh williams said...

Dang! My review was worth every last dime! Wait! Are you writing obituaries for all us bloggers?
All the media does it... have I just read what my friends and family will read when we break on through to the other side...break break break bre...(how many breaks in that song?)
Thanks Jane that was the shit JW

Disclaimer: Mr. Williams is not responsible for his comments. He types with one hand and pretends he is conducting a symphony with the other.

Toby said...

Jane is god. 420 virgins god. But our cult without a name should be exactly that. Names are so scientology.

Unlike Prince.

Egan said...

You're the hardest working blogger I know. You're my hero!

Henri Banks said...

HENRI LEFT THE BUILDING!!!!
mmmm no i just came in ,OOOH JANE SWEET SISTER when you are living back in the old world we going to meet one day
And i am going to forget that you are family!!!

Vince said...

The angle on my right shoulder says, "Vince, keep your mouth shut!" But the Devil on my left shoulder says, "Dirtyback Mountain. Brother-sister love. Dirtyback Mountain." --I wonder what this means? By golly, I have a sister!

ChickyBabe said...

Jungle Jane has left me speechless... so I will raise my glass of wine to you and say Cheers!

Henri Banks said...

Cheers mate !!

Motor City Monk said...

Jane - cuz you so rock I offer you the lyrics to the classic song, Janie Jones by The Clash

He's in love with rock'n'roll woaahh
He's in love with gettin' stoned woaahh
He's in love with Janie Jones
But he don't like his boring job, no...

An' he knows what he's got to do
So he knows he's gonna have fun with you
You lucky lady!
An' he knows when the evening comes
When his job is done he'll be over in his car for you
An' in the in-tray lots of work
But the boss at the firm always thinks he shirks
But he's just like everyone, he's got a Ford Cortina
That just won't run without fuel
Fill her up, Jacko!

An' the invoice it don't quite fit,
There's no payola in his alphabetical file
This time he's gonna really tell the boss
Gonna really let him know exactly how he feels
It's pretty bad!

Let them know - how you feel

Jozee said...

Oh, Janey thanks for offering me up for marriage. I've just gotten Skype and along with it comes thousands of offers of - if not marriage at least conjugal visits. Now I just have to go get some head coverings and long robes and decide which part of the desert I want to live in...

On the other hand if someone wants to offer me tea on bended knee I'd be down for that.

Le Chitelier said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Le Chitelier said...

@PDD
No no, Brooke's profile pic is not a little girl but a topless dancer with two mosquito bites.

Brooke is very sexy indeed :D

By the way, for anyone interested in purchasing some laboratory grade caffeine, it is very expensive but you don't need to buy much; all you need is one grain in order to kill yourself.

Captain Carl said...

Arrrr....

Chit will 2 grains restart the heart?

Mone said...

Hi Jane, sorry for the drunk dogs! Your brother never found my door, only thos sweet dogs did. And they had buckels of whiskey! So while we were waiting for Henri I told them, if they were really good we would have a little foreplay ourselfs. They were really happy about that idea and so we opened the whiskey, put on some music and I believe at one point they started even to miau. Have you ever had a dog miauing to your titts? It was just awsome!!
I know, at some point the bell rang, but we were having so much fun, we just didnt care anymore...
Please dont be to tough with the dogs, it was all my fault!
Maybe next time when you are on the lookout for your brother you send a load of cats over here?

jungle jane said...

Josh:
i wouldn't dream of stealing your thunder by writing obituries - after all you are the book reviewer, not me. i will be writing a book on you though Josh. I will try not to put too many dirty photos in it, but I can't guaranteee that. The world deserves it.

Toby:
I am groove with a nameless cult. It gives us more room to be creative. we will need a logo though for all that merchanidising and a couple of corpses of seagulls. And weed. Our cult needs weed.

Egan:
Now don't force me to joke about blogging on holiday. I am fighting the urge real hard here

Vince:
I think it means that you have very large shoulders?

ChickyBabe
Does this mean that I will be responsible for any hangovers you may have today?

Henri:
Just make sure that Mone's damn dog are tied up and the whiskey is locked away

Monk:
I bet you were in the spa playing with the jet streams when you were singing that? right?

Jozee:
If anyone wants to give me weed on a bended knee...i'm down with that. lets just not get it mixed up with the tea, huh?

Le Chit:
Brooke's picture is a schoolteacher who go the most cake.

Careful with that coffee - we don't want it getting mixed with Jozee's tea, eh?

Cappy:
My word, you have become SO rock and roll since you got Beck's body. Should we start calling you Captain Beck??

Mone:
No wonder those dogs do nothign but stare at my tits since they got back. That's it - i've had it with dogs. you are right - from now onwards i am only going to use sniffer cats. The only problem is going to be getting them to bark like a dog.

Traci-Lee Mott said...

I got chips and beans messed all down me dress now.

Toby said...

Okay then. It'll be difficult to come up with a logo for our no-name cult but I will.

Pixie Sprinkle said...

Traci you've got beans stuck in your hair...

~d said...

Holla at Toby and those eyes, and Holla at Jane...was wondering if we are all knowledged in the wonderance of 420.
No-name cult?
I have always ( coff-coff ) been such a (not) joiner...but I want to kno more abt the n0-name cult...will u meet at 4:20 ?

jungle jane said...

Traci-Lee
Classy my friend. You should be on the telly you know.

Toby:
Think weed, group sex and mass brainwashing. you can do this, Toby.

Pixie:
Shouldn't you be in bed little missy?

~d:
We aren't doing very well in rounding up virgins. We only have one so far, and she's only a re-born virgin. Its a start though.

gav said...

Good work JJ - that would have taken forever.

And thanks for not mentioning I like to molest sheep on Wednesdays.

Cheers.

jungle jane said...

Gav i had to write a specification that is utterly boring so instead of meeting my deadline i sat about writing the worlds longest blog post. I also distracted myself de-fleaing the cat and dusting. Its easy to do stuff like that when you are avoiding hard work...

Hal said...

Janey, you are a true blogomatrix.

*Raising a Canadien brewed Foster's to toast.*

josh williams said...

I was scanning your comments and of course I glowed when I saw my name and then I was delighted to see I was not an obituary and then I jumped for joy when I saw a reaffirmation of avoiding hard work and the how to do it's...Now down to business, I posted a web site on my site, and its all over the place(not how I planned but as I expected) then again all you have to do is click anything and it will take you to the site. My aim is to garner ideas for the site from your loyal friends so I can gain from it somehow? Hell I'm not even paid for this , whats become of me? Kind Regards JW

Steph said...

Ahh bless your cotton socks! I found you through the blog awards abomination and quickly added you to my blogroll.

I do think I shall take some responsiblilty for luring chicky and Vag (Gav) to your blog. Actually, sorry about Vag, but chicky is good value.

Excuse me while i pat myself on the back.

jungle jane said...

Hal:
I am indeed a machine. Amazing how much blogging you can do when you have a deadline, eh?

Josh:
arrrrrrrghghghghgh my eyes! check your email Josh...i sent you a fix. You should build websites Josh. you are not just a man of science - clearly you do good technolgy too.

Steph:
What blog awards? I'm not sure i ever entered one - not many people get prizes for saying "cunt" as much as i do:-)

i do have you to thank for both Vag and Chicky - i love them both very muchly indeed. almost as much as i love beer, in fact...

matty said...

The date was awesome. It was one of those 24 hour dates. I'm not a slut, tho. I'm just proactive.

jungle jane said...

MATTYYYYYYYYY! that's AWESOME! it was just a quickie then? 24 hours doesn't seem like a terribly long root, does it??

so is there going to be a third date?

I am so pleased that at least one of us around here is getting some!

Die Muräne said...

cool, janey! probably i will write something in swiss german about you in my blog soon. lool you can guess then which post it is...

wallycrawler said...

You are very kind . You shall be rewarded . Free sex !

jungle jane said...

Die Murane:
Is there a word for "cunt" in Swiss German??

Wally:
Unfortunately I may have to give my prize away due to my ongoing committment to celibacy...virtue has such a high price...

Maja said...

I'm a winner? That's crazy! Thanks dudette. I don't know how many people read the plate post, but i found out shortly after that the guy might be a bit autistic or something. And maybe I was in a bad mood.. just maybe.

hey I had to change my blog url to fortheloveofrocks because my ex (from five years ago) found it and sent me emails and it creeped me out thinking he might read it.

Later!

Die Muräne said...

fotz

Toby said...

It now has a logo maybe

jungle jane said...

Maja:
yayayayayay i have found you again. I think Plate-Guy should be delivered a crate of paper plates. and a roll of hand towel

Die Murane:
No way. Impossible.

Toby:
Nice work - i wanna see those emails! Do we have any virgins yet?

Die Muräne said...

ah, you know it better...again. good on ya hahaha

jungle jane said...

I speak fluent Swiss Spanish German Die Murane...