15 June 2006

Five jobs worse than yours

Bomb Disposal Dude
Bomb Guys are not like trainee hairdressers who make a mistake - bombs are not hair and your limbs do not grow back. You probably don’t want to do this job if you have shaky hands or poor eyesight or tend to show up to work still pissed from the night before. If you marry a Bomb Guy you are likely to have great Guy Fawkes celebrations.

Shit Sifter
the lady who operates the colonic irrigation machine has three awful aspects to her job. Firstly she has to stick a large tube up your clenched arse. Next she has to walk into the shit-stenched room half way through and massage your tummy. Finally her last chore is to sift through your shit to test your fiber count when you’re all done. If you marry a Shit Sifter it is unlikely you will discuss her day at the office much.

Jizz Mopper
This is the person on the set of an porn flick whose job is to clean up any male ejaculate that splattered about the place during the money shot. And this is the glamorous aspect of this trade – aging Jizz Moppers frequently end their careers wiping spunk off private booths in dirty movie houses. If you marry a Jizz Mopper, you probably won’t eat a lot of porridge.

Chicken Sexer
This is totally true – I swear I am not making it up. People wank chickens off and collect the spunk in little tubes. I think this is probably how eggs are made although I am not really sure how the jizz gets into the eggshell after that. Maybe they inject it in with a syringe and then glue the little hole up afterwards. If you marry a Chicken Sexer you are likely to end up giving really really good handjobs.

Landfill Monitor
Trash festers and can become both toxic and infected so all you bitches out there that sneak hazardous materials into your weekly garbage should spare a thought for the guy that has to trawl through reeking decade-old landfills to stop the world from blowing up. If you are married to one of these folk, you can expect a lifetime’s supply of free recycled kitchenware.

I would very much like to know if there are worse jobs out there than these, especially if you have actually done the job yourself. Oh yeah – and have a nice weekend.
posted by jungle jane @ 1:17 pm |


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