tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post7012520174461790985..comments2023-11-05T08:42:51.624+00:00Comments on The Jungle: Dietsjungle janehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12146260682331683654noreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-38245952748926707372007-06-15T21:47:00.000+01:002007-06-15T21:47:00.000+01:00Fridges...that could get expensive.How about this?...Fridges...that could get expensive.<BR/><BR/>How about this? For each fat man you club, er, acquire, just throw him in his OWN fridge and call some movers to haul the whole thing to our warehouse. Problem solved!Bugwithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09501621201593233204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-61720835113564948312007-06-15T17:11:00.000+01:002007-06-15T17:11:00.000+01:00IngsocNononononono – the smoking is followed by mo...<B>Ingsoc</B><BR/>Nononononono – the smoking is followed by more speed to get you up in the morning. It’s a merry go round Ingsoc – you need never ever come down<BR/><BR/><B>Beastie</B><BR/>I think I have dysentery covered (see taking loads of laxatives) but I love the idea of a tapeworm. In fact Sausage is lending me hers – its called “Frank”. I hope he doesn’t mind living in my arse.<BR/><BR/><B>Erin</B><BR/>Ah, our Dorian is a terribly popular lad, Erin – when I last checked the queue for his services was winding all the way down to France. I will add you to the list though – I hope you aren’t busy on 12 October 2019.<BR/><BR/><B>Ebezp</B><BR/>Fat people sex? um. Err. No. definitely no.<BR/><BR/><B>Bug</B><BR/>I’m in! I’m in! I can get the dead men – no problem. Can you supply the fridges?<BR/><BR/><B>Matty</B><BR/>I told you so! Go wild – have 2 cookies! In fact if you attach a colostomy bag, you can have the whole pack!jungle janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12146260682331683654noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-65464138952725643942007-06-14T23:18:00.000+01:002007-06-14T23:18:00.000+01:00It's all fine after all! I've been in toilet all d...It's all fine after all! I've been in toilet all day!!!! Yay! <BR/><BR/>so, i figure that coupled with the coke -- I'm ok to have that cookie!mattyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13792716037555018912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-87118956206740695632007-06-14T22:54:00.000+01:002007-06-14T22:54:00.000+01:00Matching lighters...hmmm. Not bad. We'll need them...Matching lighters...hmmm. Not bad. We'll need them to be shaped like fat men, though. There has to be some Chinese company with factory seconds on Buddha lighters. We'll just paint 'em flesh colored. <BR/><BR/>You have some great ideas! Want in on the ground floor of the candle business? <BR/><BR/>Your first job is to go find some dead fat men. How they become dead is not my concern. Off with you!Bugwithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09501621201593233204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-91878977549553089592007-06-14T21:41:00.000+01:002007-06-14T21:41:00.000+01:00Shed the pounds with sex! A fatty orgy so both men...Shed the pounds with sex! A fatty orgy so both men and women benefit!<BR/>Followed by an ordinary orgy for the most succesful. Wow you can evn lose weight just thinking of it!SIMONhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11317845508593948379noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-18198020943066316552007-06-14T20:09:00.000+01:002007-06-14T20:09:00.000+01:00Jane, be a dear and send Dorian's addy along then,...Jane, be a dear and send Dorian's addy along then, will you?Erin O'Brienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09089592061725346901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-35617591127804697422007-06-14T14:04:00.000+01:002007-06-14T14:04:00.000+01:00JJ I have had my thinking cap on and have two new ...JJ I have had my thinking cap on and have two new diet ideas for you<BR/>1.Has the bottom fallen out of your world<BR/>Try the all new Beast <B> Dysentry Diet </B> .....shed those unwanted pounds and watch the world fall out of your bottom.<BR/><BR/>2.For the animal lovers amongst us try the all new Beasties <B> Adopt a Tapeworm Diet.</B><BR/>Caring for a homeless tapeworm and steady sustainable weightloss in one deal.<BR/><BR/>With winning ideas like this I am frankly dismayed I am not a multi BillioniareBEASThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15428640137434521072noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-64191390318848167892007-06-14T14:02:00.000+01:002007-06-14T14:02:00.000+01:00Not really. You see Speed brings about nasty long ...Not really. You see Speed brings about nasty long come downs. The solution to these is to smoke large amounts of pot.<BR/><BR/>These sorts of smoking sessions are inevitably followed by huge meals at nearby pubs, or tripd to McDonalds to get two Extra Large Quarter Pounder meals each.<BR/><BR/>Oh, I miss my student years...Crushedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02479751225625007588noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-7248780508535046082007-06-14T06:26:00.000+01:002007-06-14T06:26:00.000+01:00Sterculian rhetoricOh dear, I think by the sounds ...<B>Sterculian rhetoric</B><BR/>Oh dear, I think by the sounds of it that your friend must have a pre-historic poon. All that grunting and burping sounds really quite quaint – you should offer it a piece of tuna and see if it bites<BR/><BR/><B>Bug</B><BR/>Oh nice one. I can see this is going to be huge. Paris Hilton and all those other folk bringing out perfumes will be kicking themselves that they missed this fine commercial opportunity. Have you considered selling cute matching lighters?<BR/><BR/><B>matty</B><BR/>Its okay Matty. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and snort a nice big line of cocaine. We are all mere humans Matty, which is why Jesus Christ never gains weight.jungle janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12146260682331683654noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-30701115622255265222007-06-14T05:58:00.000+01:002007-06-14T05:58:00.000+01:00I fell off the wagon. ...I had a brownie, some stu...I fell off the wagon. <BR/><BR/>...I had a brownie, some stuffing and a chicken. <BR/><BR/>i gained 15 pounds tonight. <BR/><BR/>sigh.mattyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13792716037555018912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-31623487935352402992007-06-14T00:11:00.000+01:002007-06-14T00:11:00.000+01:00Sardine sounds like an excellent addition to our s...Sardine sounds like an excellent addition to our scent portfolio. We are also test-marketing 'garlic pizza' and 'corned beef and cabbage'.Bugwithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09501621201593233204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-22050650950615266602007-06-13T22:08:00.000+01:002007-06-13T22:08:00.000+01:00My friend's Pudenda 'speaks in tongues' to me when...My friend's Pudenda 'speaks in tongues' to me when I am under the influence of too many recreationally ingested pints of liquid benzodiazepine.<BR/><BR/>The little nipper normally only articulates in crude grunts punctuated by the odd voiced labial-velar plosive.Sterculian Rhetorichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14471982606603075150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-80997344657348423872007-06-13T20:16:00.000+01:002007-06-13T20:16:00.000+01:00DBSHave 5 bags of chips – you don’t want to skimp ...<B>DBS</B><BR/>Have 5 bags of chips – you don’t want to skimp on your ‘5 portions a day’…it will only upset the government<BR/><BR/><B>chickybabe</B><BR/>See, my point exactly. All that frozen vodka is very good for you – give up the booze and you can kiss your trim hips goodbye. It’s just basic science.<BR/><BR/><B>Ingsoc</B><BR/>Tsk tsk Ingsoc, it’s not like you to pay poor attention to detail. EVERYONE knows that speed should be on your list too<BR/><BR/><B>Sausage</B><BR/>Ahhhh actually Dorian is “busy”…er…entertaining me. You can have him if he makes it out alive and in one piece, deal? And perhaps when I am done with Dorian you can lend me Frank? To keep my weight down??<BR/><BR/><B>FN</B><BR/>Dorian and I are indeed collaborating. He doesn’t know it yet, but my cunning plan involves him being entirely naked for the duration of our collaboration. I will take pictures and post them on my blog for the good of the world.<BR/><BR/><B>Sterculian rhetoric</B><BR/>Its completely fine to observe genetalia in a mirror or with a magnifying glass. You should try the magnifying glass – if you come up real close the vagina looks like its talking to you.jungle janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12146260682331683654noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-24481754839515573572007-06-13T20:10:00.000+01:002007-06-13T20:10:00.000+01:00BugYou don’t sound terribly sure about the knob th...<B>Bug</B><BR/>You don’t sound terribly sure about the knob thing. you should try it out, you know. Just make sure you shave your pubes first – we don’t want you combusting and ruining the whole experiment, innit? Don’t worry about short knobs – that’s what gas stove ignitors are for – so you don’t burn your fingers. I like the scents, but I think you should also consider throwing in Sardine flavour. For me.<BR/><BR/><B>Raffi</B><BR/>Ohhhhhhhhhh I like that – you can get robotic pets too which are WAY cuter than the real thing. they have jerky little robot movements and when they bark they sound like a tin can being opened<BR/><BR/><B>Mutley</B><BR/>I am always full of handy hints, mutley. Unlike you, who is only good for buxom lasses with shapely puppies. I do like your wank tip though – no sense in carrying all that weighty jism into your weigh-in.<BR/><BR/><B>Zen</B><BR/>Oh, I thought it was called the “Blogpower Awards”<BR/><BR/>*rolls on the floor laffing hysterically<BR/><BR/><B>Tickers</B><BR/>Fucking bastards. I’m a size 20! Fuck! I need to put some meat on my bones.jungle janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12146260682331683654noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-49364303223323489782007-06-13T20:07:00.000+01:002007-06-13T20:07:00.000+01:00You can lose a good 50 lbs by having an appendage ...You can lose a good 50 lbs by having an appendage or two removed.<BR/><BR/>Is it okay to use a mirror to observe my friend's genitalia? I used to just douse her in Talcum and look for the wet spot, but I have found the mirror trick to be less affecting of my asthma.Sterculian Rhetorichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14471982606603075150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-61398401959465705722007-06-13T14:48:00.000+01:002007-06-13T14:48:00.000+01:00you have the right idea, jane. additionally, doria...you have the right idea, jane. additionally, dorian grey's regimen intrigues me. the two of you need to collaborate on a diet plan, name it something dynamic and award yourselves a phony doctorate in nutrition...be like minting your own, i tell you!FirstNationshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13387748372500478809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-27900041259061469392007-06-13T14:04:00.000+01:002007-06-13T14:04:00.000+01:00I eat complete junk, but weigh eleven stone.The fo...I eat complete junk, but weigh eleven stone.<BR/>The follwing substances are possibly the best known for diet control.<BR/><BR/>MDMA<BR/>CocaineCrushedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02479751225625007588noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-62560653518155920272007-06-13T11:14:00.000+01:002007-06-13T11:14:00.000+01:00Hail the Vodka! When I stopped drinking, I put on ...Hail the Vodka! When I stopped drinking, I put on a little weight. Maybe it was to do with not doing enough exercise. Mixing Martinis is hard work!ChickyBabehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12032859724317466072noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-41749269782793114252007-06-13T02:38:00.000+01:002007-06-13T02:38:00.000+01:00I wonder if Dorian is available to be my personal ...I wonder if Dorian is available to be my personal trainer...<BR/><BR/>Anyway, are tapeworms passe these days? That's my tried and true. Mine's name is "Frank."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-57118014779483478372007-06-13T01:26:00.000+01:002007-06-13T01:26:00.000+01:00Doctor Jane, an excellent Thesis and expose on the...Doctor Jane, an excellent Thesis and expose on the rigors and how to's of the acquisition of a svelte and trim body. Pass the potato chips will ya, I need my share of veggies.DirtyBitchSocietyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18261402867155671982noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-60375749462918612122007-06-13T00:20:00.000+01:002007-06-13T00:20:00.000+01:00They have a word for clusters of men who hump othe...They have a word for clusters of men who hump other men--It's called, "The Tony Awards"; I watched it Sunday night and it was not pretty.<BR/><BR/>Well, it was aesthetically pretty, but not in an metaphysical sense. <BR/><BR/>Anyway, I should mention here that fat guys have a better chance of surviving a gunshot wound or a concentration camp.<BR/><BR/>So fat is not all bad, as Hollywood and the fashion industry would have you believe.Zen Wizardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10932736559039078183noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-6221297525632098842007-06-12T23:31:00.000+01:002007-06-12T23:31:00.000+01:00What a pot of good ideas.Lard and lead are good wa...What a pot of good ideas.Lard and lead are good ways to lose weight, as is a eating bricks... I found a quick wank just before the weigh in essential when I was in Weight Watchers... thats why I have the fetish...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-68954363493310869342007-06-12T23:12:00.000+01:002007-06-12T23:12:00.000+01:00"I am going to adopt a robotic baby."you can get a...<I>"I am going to adopt a robotic baby."</I><BR/><BR/>you can get a "cute" <A HREF="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaRAf1PLRjo" REL="nofollow">japanese robot boy</A> nowadays. i hear he's also circumcised.raffihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04843220599568904061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-32314786225315619272007-06-12T21:01:00.000+01:002007-06-12T21:01:00.000+01:00I don;t think the knob will serve as a good wick f...I don;t think the knob will serve as a good wick for my soon-to-be-marketed Flab-O-Flame (TM) candle. Fat men usually have small penises and they can really recede within the folds. And you kow how annoying it can be to try to light a short wick. <BR/><BR/>As for scent, I plan to offer three: Cherry, Vanilla and Burrito.Bugwithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09501621201593233204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17611977.post-34027745726268447622007-06-12T19:58:00.000+01:002007-06-12T19:58:00.000+01:00RattyI am sure its not rice – I think you will fin...<B>Ratty</B><BR/>I am sure its not rice – I think you will find its because Chinese and Indian people take loads of speed. I did an experiment – I fed a mouse rice and I fed another speed. The mouse that ate the rice now has a double chin and the mouse on speed is running laps around his cage. Science, Ratty dear, science<BR/><BR/><B>Jenny!</B><BR/>Perhaps the Sheet Fairy stole them? You shouldn’t automatically blame the laxative – their job is shit enough as it is<BR/><BR/><B>Dorian</B><BR/>My word, you have managed to combine ALL of my tips into one evening of revelry. I suggest everyone wanting to lose weight follows this and save yourselves months of pesky crash dieting. Well done lad!<BR/><BR/><B>paddy</B><BR/>This could be a problem because I did all of the world’s speed last weekend. I can, however, crush up a few aspirin, charge you a tenner and you’ll feel just like you scored a dodgy gram in a nightclub?<BR/><BR/><B>garfer</B><BR/>Holy shit, you’ve managed to do away with lard, 4x4s and global warming in one go. See, this is the type of thinking that makes Britain great. I am impressed.jungle janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12146260682331683654noreply@blogger.com