snot

I do love picking my nose!

I am not a daily picker - unfortunately I am not really much of a mucus-forming person. I would say that I muster up a bloody good pick at least once a week on average although in summer that increases to as much as one every second day on a good week.

I have never consumed my nasal phlegm but I would certainly be interested in doing so some day. I often wonder if - like the taste of semen - the taste alters depending on what you have eaten. If so, I will NEVER consume asparagus and then eat my snot!

Like all pranksters I have of course deliberately performed a pick and then waved the contents at horrified onlookers just for kicks. I then usually chuckle and re-assure them that I am just changing my mind manually. I am not entirely sure why everyone is so grossed out by snot – its not as if I am wiping my arse with my hand and then licking it.

On average I estimate that I spend between 1-3 minutes per pick. So 5 minutes a week is really not a lot to spare for something that gives me so much joy. And because I use my finger rather than those freaks who use pens and such I can happily report that I have never had a nosebleed. I certainly am not one of those silly sods that have perforated their nasal septums.

Now although my nose picking is largely for sport and recreational purposes I do sometimes unburden myself simply to unclog my nasal passages or relieve discomfort and itchiness. on these occasions I tend to opt for blowing into a tissue though. Go figure!

Call me weird but I always tend to use the index finger of my right hand – I simply cannot get enjoyment from any other finger except in emergencies when I use my pinky finger. I find that my bounty is altogether less fruitful using my left hand too. I think it’s a bit like masturbating – I never use my left hand for that either.

So I guess you all want to know how I dispose of my rich pickings, right? Well this is where it just gets plain fucking bizarre. Snot disposal forms a large part of my ritual pleasure. I have been known to go to the loo at work, perform a pick and then return to my workplace and smear the results onto someone else’s property. Their chair for example. Or their computer. Or a notebook. I like to watch their reactions or even lack of reactions – sometimes it pleases me more when they don’t notice.

Anyhow. Have a great day.

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose

but you can't wipe your friends under the sofa.