Hedgehogs live for up to six years. They are 20 - 30 cm long and weigh on average the same as a very large block of hashish - around 700g. They feast on slugs, snails, caterpillars, beetles, earthworms, birds' eggs, frogs and snakes. They have up to 500 quills on their backs with their face, tail, belly and legs covered in soft fur
A 'gutted hedgehog' is an amusing name for a vagina Hedgehogs are lazy cunts. They sleep all day and and then hibernate all winter
There are no indigenous species of hedgehog in North America or Australia. There are also no indigenous white people in either country, but most hedgehogs are too polite to point that out on their blogs.
Hedgehog Humour exists amongst the hedgehog enthusiasts community. An example hedgehog quip: “unlike a Ferrari, hedgehogs have their pricks on the outside”. It is unclear as to whether porcupine enthusiasts use the same joke. Hedgehogs are considered sacred in China. Cats are not so fortunate.
One of Europe’s top selling potato chips claimed to be “hedgehog flavour”. Angry hedgehog lovers eventually forced Hedgehog Foods Ltd to reveal that in fact they were flavoured with pig fat. It is interesting to note that pig supporters did not squeal at this. This anomaly can also be observed in the fishing industry whereby dolphin supporters elicit large amounts of sympathy at the suggestion that dolphin is found in tinned tuna, yet tuna fish supporters remain notably silent. Hedgehogs are becoming increasingly common chocolate snacks at easter time. It is confusing as to what role they play in the crucifixion of christ as they are not specifically mentioned in the bible.
In South Africa it is considered hilarious to half pull two matches out of a matchbox to mimic an aerial and then to whisper urgently into the matchbox “calling all hedgehogs, calling all hedgehogs”. The origin of this nonsensical lark is unknown, however the author has done this more than 50 times and verifies that it is amusing.
Although anyone that has been impaled by hedgehog quills will swear that the animal is the windshield, when it comes to tarmac the hedgehog is in fact the bug. Traffic accidents account for 80% of injuries in rescue centres in the UK. If you do hit a hedgehog, follow this link for an awesome roadkill recipes It is unlikely has been conclusively proven that Josh Williams would be able to find a Tom Waits song that mentions these prickly little critters mr dna is *very knowledgeable * (don't ask) about porn star Ron Jeremy. He informs me that Ron is also known as "The Hedgehog"
hedgehog 1 doggy 0
88 comments:
i think they are the same thing Roxi. Maybe porcupine is the Latin word for them??
my research stopped at hedgehogs. i will be more meticulous next time...
tom waits is gay.
hedgehogs are not.
art thou at work JJ?
i am at work, geezer...my mind is not...:-)
work is gay.i dont have to return to work for several days.yessss.
im doing the stereotypical,beer bellied,ugly man in his undepants surfing the net routine.you know,that old chesnut.
pOOr pOOr Dog i cant look at this pic damn now you got me jj
That dog really got roughed up. I guess it sniffed the wrong end.
Geezer:
You will be an aged apprentice from Thursday. From Friday onwards you can expect me to be pointing at you and laughing. i will make sure i use my shitty finger too, titter...
Ernesto:
Welcome back - long time no see! australians use the word gay in a non-gay way. the finger thing is fun though
Henri:
i knew if i tried real hard and was very persistant eventually i could gross you out. sigh. my work here is done....
trueborn:
i have a feeling he won't make that mistake a second time, eh? poor pooch was ugly enough before he got punched by 500 hedgehog quills.
Your work is done ? do you mean you are comming home honey...ill put the beer in the fridge!!!!
Henri:
actually i am coming home...in July...plenty of time to chill the beer...
First, awwwwwwww.
Next, is it true that hedgehogs have been known to steal socks? Because lately I've been missing a few, and man, I'm sick of that!
P.S.:
Is this relevant?
Weird. So the dog was already ugly and it went and did that huh?
Dog must have a death wish. Ever wonder if Animals know they're ugly? Maybe thats why we have road pizza. They're just trying to end it all.
gusgreeper:
and the compliment is returned! your site cracked me up - i would NEVER be brave enough to go to war with my hairdresser...come back! visit often!
Ing:
i LOVE your new piccie! so pretty! i am less enthusiastic about your japanese cousins and the gifts they are offering. could they not just bring beer?
trueborn:
well they are not called dogs for nothing!
well that's contraversial about the road pizza - i am sure that not all of them jumped - some of them were pushed for sure. they are ones with claw marks down the side of the road...
How on earth do you get all those quills out of a dog's face? Good lord!
I woulda thought that the dog would give up after just 5 or 10 quills in the face, but no, he seems to have kept on going until he got hundreds of them. What a dumb dog!
6 years isn't much of an innings, is it?
They always come back for more, the dogs!
My Japanese friends should yes bring beer and a quarter. But all in all, what they have will do me. (I hope.)
Christi:
i am not sure i would like to volunteer to pull quills out of a bull terrier unless i could shoot a tranquelizer dart in him first!
Maja:
unless of course he enjoyed the sensation?
Yeah 6 years is pretty lame really when all you do is forrage for slugs, sleep and be worshipped if you live in china...
Ing:
holy smoke, girl. in that case you should start doing some warmups. if i hear the sound of a loud explosion coming from San Fran in the next couple of hours i will know you bit off more than you can chew....:-)
Porcupine quills have been a traditional component of Native American beaded jewelry since prehistoric times, particularly in the eastern, northern, and Plains Indian tribes of North America.
a word from our indigenous people.
poor fucking dog
that isn't an Indian name that is me just making a comment about that poor fucking dog
Jane, would you get your cat's arse off my living room floor?
Just relax and pretend it's a hairband, Ing...
Wha'? Is that Aussie slang?
i dunno dude. its the thing you use to tie your hair into a pony tail?
Oh, pony tail. I thought you were talking about cat tail. You Aussies with your slang, man. I just don't get it.
Roadkill has its season, just like anything,
There's hedgehogs in the autumn and there's farmcats in the spring.
--Tom Waits
Love,
Josh Williams
oooo.
that is just painful.
Poor pincushion'd pup.
Is that Milkmaid slang? Man, I can't keep up with you kids!
Aw, man! Ing stole my thunder! I knew Tom Waits sang of hedgehogs at some point. I've been searching my CD's but couldn't find the song/recording! By the by -- ing -- what is the name of that song?
...it isn't Blind Love is it???? ...I don't think it is, but it was the most recent title I thought of checking.
Hedgehogs kind of creep me out. But, so do porcupines. However, the dog looks cute to me. But, I love dogs.
my love of dogs might explain my gay like attraction to men. I guess.
Ing:
Ing/Matty:
Okay. you HAVE GOT to be lying about the Tom Waits thing. You too Matty. I am going to go online to Lyrics.com or whatever to check it out.
Jesus. I am going to start dreaming of Tom Waits soon. And then i am going to blog ALL about it!!
Steph:
I am elderly and i am naive. Please tell me about your vagina and porcupine quills. I must know. The dog is interested too.
Milky:
Hey that's a GREAT idea for a pincushion! just use your pets! nice one! it wouldn't really work if you only kept fish though...
Matt:
i am struggling with the connection between gay men and dogs. are my delicate ears able to stand the explanation?
All men are dogs. I think dogs are cute. I spent my Friday night at "Daddy's" in The Castro. Wait, does this mean I'm a gay man?
The song, Matty, is Murder In The Red Barn.
dear allah...everything in life has been sung about by Tom Waits. Everything. Josh Williams will be delighted to know that the score is now hedgehogs 2 Doggy 0
There's only one way to put a stop to this. Jane, you're going to have to download the lyrics to every song Tom Waits ever wrote. Then you need to erase those words from your computer dictionary. After that, you have to run everything you want to post through spell check and eliminate those words your dictionary can't recognize.
The problem, though, is that Waits is so evocative. . .
JJ: My Pleasure
Cold Cold Ground
Tom Waits
Crest fallen sidekick in an old cafe
never slept with a dream before he had to go away
there's a bell in the tower
Uncle Ray bought a round
don't worry about the army
just the hedgehogs lying
in the cold cold ground
now don't be a cry baby
when there's wood in the shed
there's a bird in the chimmney
and a stone in my bed
when the road's washed out
they pass the bottle around
and wait in the arms
just the hedgehogs lying
in the cold cold ground
cold cold ground
there's a ribbon in the willow
and a tire swing rope
and a briar patch of berries
takin over the slope
the cat'll sleep in the mailbox
and we'll never go to town
just the hedgehogs lying
cause we bury every dream in
the cold cold ground
cold cold ground
gimme a Winchester rifle and a whole box of shells
blow the roof off the goat barn
let it roll down the hill
the piano is firewood
times square is a dream
I find we'll lay down together with just the hedgehogs lying
in the cold cold ground
cold cold ground
cold cold ground
call the cops on the Breedloves
bring a bible and a rope
and a whole box of rebel
and a bar of soap
make a pile of trunk tires
and burn 'em all down
bring a dollar with you baby
in the cold cold ground
cold cold ground
take a weathervane rooster
throw rocks at his head
stop talking to the neighbors
til we all go dead
beware of my temper
and the dog that I've found
break all the windows in the
and the hedgehog that I found
cold cold ground
cold cold ground
OK No more Tom Waits. I'll just speak my peace and move on...Probably JW
OK I do remember a song with a porcupine that is why I felt justified tailoring Mr Waits Lyics to accomadate your needs. Its for you that I used poetic License, kinda like sampling...Sampling in a very eclectic sort of way. I...insert Tom Waits lyric...JW
From the desk of:ridden and not spele chked.
m'okay. i am starting to fall in love with TW. Does anyone know if i can buy a replica TW blow up doll for perverted knife games???
I'm more sickened by the fashion choices made by the dog's owner.
I figured out why the twat is compared to these little hedgehog guys...If you don't rub them the right way they will scar you.
Sheesh, ihate, what you got up there? Me, I'm like butta.
I just remembered a joke about a scabby whore. Ha! Oh, that wasn't a joke, that was my last weekend...never mind.
Ooh, iheart, stay far, far away from those scabby whores. You're way too pretty to pay for it with $$ or with your health.
Cappy:
come and play perverted knife games with me instead! who needs TW and his silly tunes!!
Sausage:
Deary i think you might find that the fashion icon is, in fact, a vet. they usually wear clothes like that so that dog blood can splash about on them.
There is no such thing as Vetinerian Chic....
Ing/Sausage:
good grief you two. i was trying to keep it clean in here for a change you know...
Looks like someone's eaten too much millet. . .
BadGod:
A day will come when you will join popular trend my lovely! you too will be walking about impressing women of your tales of your 30cm and it won't sound even a bit weird...
Yeah, but then he'll start quoting Tom Waits, and then the apocalypse.
ahahahahaha the millet thing cracked me up hahahahaha that was the quip of the week, ing!
badgod you are totally my favorite grumpy deity..
This is way off the topic of Tom Waits (who rules) and slang from down under, but The Hedgehog is pornstar Ron Jeremy's nick name.
I don't know why I'm telling you this, I guess I didn't want to just be a lurker.
AHAHAHAHAHA thank you Mr DNA! i will immediately amend my post to include that FANTASTIC piece of hedgehog trivia!
BlogSnob! Stop be weird! You make me look dumb.
Anyway...So, jane...I am your favorite...deity. Is that like a sex thing?
Badgod, you are a rooster. No one wants to have sex with a rooster.
JJ: you may borrow my TW doll anytime. Use a butterknife, though darling, lest you pierce him and he ... er ... deflates.
And JW, I cannot remember if I have shown you this before. Cum on get happy!
Hussy:
i don't know much about satan's spike. needles aren't my thing, titter....
Blogsnob:
you have fine taste, gobslob
Badgod:
well my favorite grumpy deity. and my favorite cock of course
Erin:
Oh you are a pal, thank you Erin. perhaps afterward i can use it to butter my muffin?
I did tell you about being pricked in the Vag.....well splintered anyway but it's sorta the same thing....kinda...
A few years ago , I had my German Shepard comes home with a mess of quills on his face . Those f'n things are hard to get off . I had to use pliers to pull them off [ they kind'a got a hook on them]. My girlfriend said "your hurting the dog go to the vet" . So off we go to the vet , so I wouldn't hurt the poor thing . We wait for an hour , finally the doc takes us in , the dogs face is swollen to twice it's size . The doc looks at the dog , reaches in the drawer and pulls out a pair of pliers ! $150.00 later and the dog suffered for over a hour longer , his face was purple ! Moral of the story , buy a cat !
Oh ya it was porcupine quills !
You know, I've always been really curious about the habits of hedgehogs.
I still have a few questions:
1)Do they sleep in pajamas?
2)Do they ever feel guilty about being a prick?
3) Is there such a thing as Hedgehog porno?
Jane, can you send me an audio clip of your sweet voice reciting a few lines from 'Demons & Churches'??? I wanna use your vocal samples to illustrate the 'demon' in this piece of music!
I turned what people left for comments on that 'eyes' pic into a piece. Now I want MORE...
I'll lick yer toes!
Tom Waits blow up dolls? Hedgehog porn? This has truly takin a turn. Nice post, that poor dog certainly has some problems. I wonder how long it took to yank all those.
I like dreaming of Tom Waits. ...turns me on.
Damn, poor dog.
I hate to see animals hurting.
Got any pics of that happening to a human?
A whole lot of info about an animal I have never seen before. And it took me a while to realize I was looking at a dog lol
Are we sure those are quills from a Hedgehog? I didn't realize they release their's like a Porcupine will. Also, they look way too long to be from a tiny little hedgehog.
Another note: Porcupines have barbs on the ends of their quills causing them to stik in, Hedgehogs do not.
An ex of mine has Hedgehog pets.
My first reaction seeing that pic was.....WHOA SHIT! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
Then I noticed my dog was missing.
came back over....put my glasses on, took a closer look.
Damn that girl! From the first day I adopted her I've had to pull her offa that dog prob'ly 50 times.
Now she's gone and shaved the poor critter and stuck pokies all over her.
BTW, Jane, the neighbor just called and she says her teeth were stolen outa the bedside jar last night. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?
Steph:
I am surprised your vag is not very wary of pricks to this day
Wally:
Oh dear – are those actually porcupine quills? Should I have posted about porcupines? Oh dear there seems to be several inaccuracies in my post. Bugger. I try to educate the masses and look what happens!
Polyman:
everyone knows that hedgehogs sleep in the buff. Porcupines have pajamas. Little hooded ones. They have no social conscience at all. none.
Tich:
I have a vague feeling you are taking the piss. Are you? are you?
Bloodgood:
Yes I know. Here is me trying to post good clean educational material and look what happens. I may as well talk about poo and bums.
Matt:
Dream on
Waygon:
Please please look at your comments section on your blog – its set that only team members can comment – whats up with that!
Honkie:
I am a fountain of knowledge. I like to inform and educate. Praise the Lord.
Toby:
Shit. Shit. Shit. Curse you mother nature for inventing two such similar species.
Crabby:
I sold your dawg to some chinese man who mentioned something about a stir fry. Sorry, but I needed the cash for drugs.
Teeth? Erm. Nooooo. Not me.
I thought you were just being kind to the hedgehogs, making it seem like they had bigger pricks.
I posted some witty shit here earlier and now it's POOF, gone. Something about a poor pincushioned pup.
THAT POOR BEAST!!!!
And I helped Wayne fix his blog earler, you can comment away now!
BULLSHIT! TOM WAITS LOVES HEDGEHOGS! He would never ever write a lyric to piss one off, dang Jane trust me on this one...K?
I'm not teasing at all if I take your meaning correctly. I can sample your voice directly from my speakers, drop a bunch of effects on it and use it in the next Frappe Dream Gate recording. Since you contributed words I thought you might be interested. In all sincerity and yes I will lick your toes!
Sausage:
The world does not need more pricks. I am not sure about hedgehogs though - judging by this post they appear to be popular beasts who don't socialise often enough
Neil:
At least i did not post a gutted hedgehog this week...
Milky:
your wisdom is intact - its wayyyyy high up the page. the jungle must have moved quickly this morning
Cappy:
They taste just like chicken....
Josh:
I just got off the phone to TW. he HATES hedgehogs. Oath.
Tich:
I will do it! i wish to be even more famous and my singing voice is my passport to uber cool! i will do so this weekend and then email you a photo of my feet to kiss!
Roscoe:
i tried to mimic your joke using rooting hedgehogs but they fried to death. i hope you feel guilty.
Jane:
You're loaded, right? Matt needs a Hello Kitty tattoo. Could you help a fellow out?
Ing:
I am bankrupt, but i have a sharp needle, some cotton and a tub of pink ink. send him my way but best make him hurry - i am so stoned i am worried i will tattoo a pussy on his arm instead of a kitty...
I'm shooing him your way as we speak. I had to get him pretty wasted to get him on the plane. But um, I don't think he had his arm in mind. . .
Oh oh...i just know i am going to tattoo a pussy on Matt's weiner - you know how confused i get when i've had too many cones, ing. christ. good thing i have a whole bunch of pink ink...
Because rumor has it . . .
*gets a beer and sets about spreading a few rumours*
Too bad Josh is asleep. He's always so good about fetching the beer. . .
Can't we wake him up??
If you can think of something noisier than his snoring, maybe. . . Or I know; let's throw our shoes at his head.
I just ran over to Josh's place. He won't budge. Damn, I'm thirsty.
let's throw the cat at his head. it has bonus claws...
Okay, but we have to reattach its ass first.
But then my hair will get all messed up....
Jane, what do you not understand about the word BEER?! Priorities, dude.
Oh nice one, Denny. Your prize is a Ron Jeremy DVD....
I'm here with the beers, drink up! Hello...Hello. I just did the Tom Waits spele check exchange but then my computer would not hold all them words so I am back to the olde world again. Beers! Damn you all sleep late, and in the nude no less. Wait whats this, Oh my God!...Oop look at the time gotta go to work.
and what does TW sing about cunninglingus, Josh??
JJ:Rumor has it he is gay or bi so I will not ask him, just cause I'm such a gentleman. But if he did have a song using this word, I am sure it would have taken some time to make it work, not an easy word to make lyrical. Although it seems to be more popular with the ladies than Beetle Mania was, same hysteria at any rate.
Hedgehogs and porcupines are not the same animal. The hog is a little cloer to a possum except the possum hangs upside down in treesby her tail and she's actually more related to the kangaroo don't you know (she's go that pocket in the front).
Anyway, I feel damned awful for the dog.
i can't believe no one has mentioned sonic the hedgehog yet! he was always on of my favorite video game characters of all time, he was blue, sort of mean, but heroic and determined.
it was an old school sega genesis game... why do i feel like a little kid in a cyberworld of adults right now? ;-)
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