27 April 2007

Whassup gang?

Artwork by Human Descent - this guy is awesome. Worship him. Buy his stuff.
So. It has come to my attention that the word about town is that I am dead. I’m not fucking dead awwight...I am simply distracted exploring my femininininininity.

Now that I have moved to the UK, what better time to pop across to Latvia and take advantage of the cheap cosmetic surgery? Armed with a photo of my idol in life, the
Beast of Wildenstein, I am happy to report that my surgery has been very fucking successful. I am now half cat.

Admittedly I am finding it hard to roll a joint now that I have paws, but let me tell you people – fisting when you have a set of paws is a complete doddle. Who cares about my sardine-breath – the advantages of having a tail far outweighs the disadvantages of having to dash out of meetings in order to wash my arse. Annoyingly it seems as though my boss is not very happy about the litter tray I have been forced to swap with my in tray. Fuck him, I say! Cats are people too, you know! We pay taxes!

Life as a half cat really isn’t that different from being human and I intend spending the next few months taking as many drugs as I possibly can seeing as I have another 8 lives spare up my sleeve.

So. Have ya’s missed me?