27 April 2007

Whassup gang?

Artwork by Human Descent - this guy is awesome. Worship him. Buy his stuff.
So. It has come to my attention that the word about town is that I am dead. I’m not fucking dead awwight...I am simply distracted exploring my femininininininity.

Now that I have moved to the UK, what better time to pop across to Latvia and take advantage of the cheap cosmetic surgery? Armed with a photo of my idol in life, the
Beast of Wildenstein, I am happy to report that my surgery has been very fucking successful. I am now half cat.

Admittedly I am finding it hard to roll a joint now that I have paws, but let me tell you people – fisting when you have a set of paws is a complete doddle. Who cares about my sardine-breath – the advantages of having a tail far outweighs the disadvantages of having to dash out of meetings in order to wash my arse. Annoyingly it seems as though my boss is not very happy about the litter tray I have been forced to swap with my in tray. Fuck him, I say! Cats are people too, you know! We pay taxes!

Life as a half cat really isn’t that different from being human and I intend spending the next few months taking as many drugs as I possibly can seeing as I have another 8 lives spare up my sleeve.

So. Have ya’s missed me?


Tickersoid said...

Yeay firsties!

Walk away from us all again and we'll use you as a pencil sharpener.

Sausage said...

Oh Jane, how we missed you!

Your transformation is no surprise to me, being that in your absence I have become a cat lady. I now have 32 of them and let them style my hair.

You're more lovely than ever.

Frobisher said...

Yes, we have missed you but not the fleas

Adam said...


You're more beautiful than ever, puss!

I bet it must freak people out seeing you cruise around in your miniature shaggin' wagon like that.

Do people expect you to be carrying a bucket with a big sticker on it that says "Save the Cats"?

Lub U long time, girlfriend.

A & J

Toby said...

I'm comfortly snuggling in your in-box. It's a good thing you're not dead.

josh williams said...

I do wish you would stop trying to bury me in your litter when I visit, I'll bring treats next time I promise!

jungle jane said...

Yay! I want to be your pencil sharpener! Are you sure your pencil is up for it, though?

Apologies for my absence. My tail graft took longer than expected to heal and its fugging hard typing when you only have paws

Those are not fleas. They are my friends

I ooze hotness these days. A cute fluffy cat with a large rack.

My inbox is now a litter tray. Please avoid the faeces. Its not good for you.

Its our special game. Don't tell anyone about it. They will only think that you are weird.

Toby said...

Why would you receive your own litter? I thought your out-box was the litter tray. I have a lot to learn. Maybe I need to make a trip to Latvia.

~d said...

Hey YO! The most beautiful feline, umm, female, ever!
I STILL can't roll, but you and several of your lives can hit a 'water pipe' with me anytime!

(Serious, glad to see you pop in ever (uhh) 6 or 7 months! Don't necessarily be GOOD, but have FUN!)
~d heart Jane

jungle jane said...

Fuck me. You are right. I think i've been confusing my mouth with my arse. Fuckity fuck.

It's a real bitch trying to find clothes with a hole for the tail, let me tell you. Being a half cat is a lot harder than it looks.

I will see you more regularly my friend - i'm settled now and looking forward to spreading the love about a bit:-)

Erin O'Brien said...

Dear sweet Jesus, thank GOD you're finally here.

I've been over at the Owner's Manual, toiling over Naked Yul and vagina power videos until I am effing exhausted! Then I find out you've been fooling around with the eurobabies getting pussified! Janey, I swear I just don't know what ....

Now then, sit up straight, put your feet flat the floor and for heaven's sake, smooth your fur. We've got plenty of work to do.

Remember Naked Jane? This is the sort of thing we need to see a little more of young lady. Hop to it!

BEAST said...

Pussies always came to mind when I thought of you JJ.
I can now dust off my Jungle Jane Blow up dolly and we can get back down to business

First Nations said...

interestingly enough, i hve recently changed my online profile to reveal my attire of choice i.e. a full latex catwoman suit a la eartha kitt. with glitter. and the little earsies that poke up. and the spike heeled shoes.

i've forgotton my point.

mutleythedog said...

Half cat or half cut? I do love pussies -sorry we didn't meet till now. **Smiles ingratiatingly**

Newmania said...

I walk down the alley
Looking for a fight
Howl into the air
On a hot Summer night
Singing the blues while the lady cats ....

er something any way it was by the stray cats and I brought to you as a humble offering.

*Shuffles awkwardly out of the room feeling ashamed but strangely elated *

Tickersoid said...

My pencil is very sharp....ish.

Two months at the gym and I'm pumping. Or was that pimping?

zen wizard said...

A sack of Meow Mix, a bowl of warm milk, and thou...

ing said...

You look lovely! Can I have the name of your surgeon?

Mone said...

My Doc told me that in every woman is a little cat and that I just have to accept it and let it out. I was scarred and couldnt do it.Seeing you now Jane is giving me hope that one day, I'll come to peace with my inner cat :)

Welcome back! We missed you a lot! I suppose its not a good idea to bring dogs to the party?

jungle jane said...

These are important issues that you are raising and I am honoured that my tits are mentioned in the same comment as a work as significant as the vagina power videos. That clip inspired me – firstly to use my rabbit at my desk at work far less and secondly to mind myself that flashy jewelry is not as important as my outer and inner orgasms.

You are right – there is work to be done here and I am sorry I left you to hold the can on your own the past few months. I intend rushing out and gaining 44 stone so that I can be a successful interviewer too. You find the vaginas Erin. I’ll ask the tough questions.

I am going to send you a new half cat JJ blowup doll. That way you get to experience the joy of rooting me in plastic form as well as being able to practice some nice wholesome beastiality. Which fits in kind of nicely with your name too. Awwww….i’m so nice. Group hug.

Now all we need is a nice little mortuary for you to fully experience your sexuality. Death cat sex. Go on – you know you want to…

How can I compete with the Bridgwater Anal? I cannot. I can only sit here quietly hoping that you might eventually lift my tail and sniff my arse.

Now that is so lovely – I love being serenaded. Admittedly all of the glass in my house and even some of the porcelain as shattered. Don’t let that stop you Newmania – I have insurance. Keep singing and keep dancing…you owe it to Islington

Needle-dick! Needle-dick!

You have just described nirvana. Not in a dead kurt cobain icky kind of manner though…more like a ‘what is a man’s idea of sexual heaven’. I carry the burden of sexual nirvana. Someone has to.

Ing! Ing! Ing!
My surgeon is the best. He’s actually a vet and if you are having troubles with your car – well take it along as he has a part time venture as a mechanic. Just be warned though – don’t ask him to turn you into a goat. He has issues with goats.

Stay in the moment Mone. Together we can do this. You lie on the sofa and I will see if I can coax your pussy out. Let’s just hope that you treat it better than the dogs – last time I saw them they were whooping it up in Luxemborg with a couple of cheap hookers and a pint of turps.

Henri Banks said...

Slowly i was bleeding to death after months of no inspiration ,it is realy like springtime a lovely smelling fart in the midlle of my face ,Cat woman Jungle Jane is back in town hotter than before !!!
from this day on i am going to sit naked behind my pc again with shaved bollocks.

Richardsite said...

Wow A new world of humour to explore - and I thought blogs were simply 14yo girls expressing 10yo fantasies (or guys expressing guys fantasies, which do not depend on age!). Silly moi.

Cool and funny blended with exquisite taste and rendered beautifully, JJ!

Happy re-blogging to you!

Toby said...

Too drunk to fuck?

Newmania said...

Oh you liked that did you...did you see JJ that the UKs top blogger ( Iain Dale )visited little me on the same thread in which you appeared . You are brushing fur with celebrity JJ .I `m told that power is a powerful aphrodisiac . Is it working , do you....

A -feel the presence of Male Musk soaked testosterone essence in a Tom cat form Groooooowl.

B - Feel ...nuffin

The smart money is on A all the way home baby !!

Tickersoid said...

Is there any truth in the rumour you've developed an expensive cat-nip habbit?

jungle jane said...

Henri my lovely:
I am here to make the bleeding stop! Do be careful with those bollocks and your razor – you don’t want to slice them off. If you do, can I have them please? They will match my Newmania arsehole ashtray just beautifully

Welcome to the world of the uber-geeks. I am your passport to cool. I am going to make it my personal ambition to ensure that you have your own rude blog within a month. That way you can have a rude forum and a rude blog. How cool are you??

Now that I am half cat, to me that is dinner. I guess I could always fuck it then eat it, right??

Dale Schmale. Can he roll a joint whilst simultaneously reverse parking? No? thought not. Can he flick his bean secretly in a meeting without the boss noticing? (I don’t care if men don’t have beans. Its not the point) can he fashion a fresh dog turd into a replica knob? Hmmmmm?

Oh, and was that testosterone? Fuck. I thought it was Sambucca. Damn you, Newmania. You had me licking the table for nothing….

No. I still shoot smack and snort ludes. I am not common, you know…

Pixie Sprinkle said...

ffs mum, you're embarrassing me...no wonder I can't get laid...

Newmania said...

Ha ha ha funny old stuff JJ on the subject of licking any chance of a little head.

( My hats are all to small )


jungle jane said...

Shuddup and pour mummy a glass of wine, sweety. Make it a pint, eh?

You would like a little head? Sure. Let me get my vice grips. Pixie! Pass mummy her handbag while you're up, honey...

mutleythedog said...

Iaian Dale is a notorious old Queen Mr N - honestly, pull yourself together - I will happily lift a leg for you Ms JJ. I was watching some TV show tonite and it appears lady leopards love sex !!

tony said...

When You Smoke A Joint Do You Now Have To Paws For Breathe?

mutleythedog said...

I unreservedly withdraw my alleged suggestion that Iaian Dale is an Old Queen - I am already plagued with hordes of black clad cackling divorce lawyers flapping like crows around a carcase - I do not need any of his gay friends from the legal profession to hunt me down..

jungle jane said...

Sounds like you have a bit of a crush on the dude...awwwww. that's sweet. the lady-leopard thing is clearly a ruse. if it wasn't all so romantic, i would be very upset.

Now that's a fine tail to be telling...

josh williams said...

You don't cover me in litter like you used to, one of my favorite dittys from the underground band the turdettes.

mutleythedog said...

No really -about the Leopards - it was Big Cat Diary -man they love to shag! The guy leopard bit them in the neck ... Is this bestiality -have I hit a new low?

jungle jane said...

It's not bestiality if it doesn't have a tail.

Looks like you're a critter rooter, Mutley. Dirty bastard.

jungle jane said...

That's funny - the Turdettes have you listed as their favorite author. They have a shrine of you too Josh. It's made entirely of cat shit. You should be proud....

PDD said...


You are fucking brilliant as ever!!!

Fuck Janie, are you on facebook?

Holler me if you are. I can't remember your legal last name. I remember a piece of it, but not in it's entirety.

matty said...

Jungle Jane!!!! It's you!!!! How I've missed you so!

Kitty power rules!

Whatever you do, don't let 'em declaw you! Hate that! It is wrong!

Do you have one of those scratching posts?

Is the UK is as lovely as I imagine it to be. I know, if I ever get myself over there -- I'll have to be pulled back to here.

Missed you, babe!

kisses from GayTown!

Newmania said...

bestiality`s best used to be a Rugby song including verses like..
Suck the twat of a rat ( boys)
Shoot ya Load in a toad ( Boys)

We all had to make up a verse I came up with
" Have an affair with a hare "

Everyone said it was quite nice
* Smiles Brightly*

jungle jane said...

You vixen! hellllooo future oscar winner! I am not on facebook - fuck woman, it took me 9 months to get my act together to write a blog post. I cannot do facebook too. Unless there are cute trannies on there looking to get laid? then i have time...

My claws are intact, and so are my testicles. i had them grafted on at the same time as they fitted my new tail.

The UK is waiting for you Matty. Seriously. There is a space here that is marked out especially for you. It's very nice here - except the natives don't seem to drink beer for breakfast. Weird. Must be a cultural thing, eh?

I guess someone else had already bagged "have a dirty fuck with a very randy duck"?

God, it must have been hard in your cheerleading squad...

Winters said...

It's an honour to meet such a brilliant pussy. Your whiskers are very sexy.

BTW, I love cats who nuzzle my crotch.


Newmania said...

it must have been hard in your cheerleading squad...


( You see what I did there )

josh williams said...

I am most proud, a shrine made of cat shit, somehow horse shit would be more appropriate, but hell say hey to the turdettes!

MJ said...

She's baaacccccccckkkkk!!!

Die Muräne said...

I'd prefer you as a sheep, you know. Pity, thought we'll have a great future together... but a cat... naaa

BEAST said...

JJ I havnt changed my pants since you left us, now at last I can go ans soak them off in the bath and feast on the mushrooms....I will send them too you in the post(the pants not the mushrooms)

geezer squeezer! said...

hello fukk face

~d said...

~d heart Jane

(New Song Virus!)

Mongrel Porksword said...

More pussy for me.

ChickyBabe said...

She's baaaack!!! And she's a pussy!

wallycrawler said...

I need a little pussy !

OK how many other dudes said that one ? I'll check .

wallycrawler said...

TOO...Many To count .

Forget the last crack .