The Beast being a man of sophistication and intellect ****wipes nose on sleeve**** Has resisted the siren call of a thousand pussy quips . Welcome back JJ .Now that my muse is back I shall be spending the evening composing an epic poem dedicated to your own 'fragrant garden' entitled Dripping Salt Beef Curtains. ***adjusts smoking Jacket , freshens cocktail , and farts****
Bug I think that dead LOLcats are far funnier. I wonder if it might start a craze? i could even get my own DedLolcats blog, innit? i am sure my two won't mind posing here and there?
Milky ROLFPMSFGL!! I iz in ur internets! Fucking with ur kittehs! oh i love the internets - so many ded kittehs, so little time....
Sausage I think its fabulous that so many dead kitteh's can still type! Surely it would just be easier to use a lawnmower tonight??
arm I am indeed! My word, what a big adventure that holiday turned out to be! I am very glad no-one had their camera about - i am certain killing all those cats just for my blog is illegal.
BEastie Oh my word! is that Haiku i notice?? blimey - you big old romantic!! Funny - i was just on Zen's blog saying that my stripper name is going to be Meatflaps. you must have read my mind!!
PS: oh beastie i think you have some prawn cocktail messed on your smoking jacket...
Crushed ohhhh yes i think i know the piece you mean - its on my work computer - it was published as a lengthy white paper. i will dig it out and email it to you...:-)
Morbid AHAHAHAHAHA i love that so very much! how did you get the kitteh to do that?? awwwww it would have been SOOOO cute if he'd pulled the trigger!!
Matty Oh you most definitely do need a laugh. And of course where else to get one (and lots of Lentil glamour) other than here? I can't wait to see you cock shots - will they all be dead too??
Tildy My word! is it someone's birthday? huh? huh? lemme go check the calendar,....OH YES!! LOOK!! IT's MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!! WOOOOOOT! Happy birthday me!!
I especially love Kitty Litter cake - only a cat can get humans to pick its shit out a box, eh??
Oh. You're back. I see. You think you can just up and walk out, pretty as you please... and then waltz back in 3 weeks later with some kitty photos, acting like nothing happened?
I don't know, JJ. Sometimes I feel like we are living in two different countries or something.
Awesome pussy shots but for me I loved the totally baked shot the most.
Glad to see your twisted mind back.
Oh and happy belated birthday JJ. Of course being on the other side of the pond with the time difference I should be right on time. It's my story and I am sticking with it.
Ooooh Happy Birthday JJ , I enjoy giving my colon a good scrubbing with a wire brush at least once a year , I find the BUTLERS SINK in the PANTRY (just adjacent to the BOOT ROOM) is ideal for this.
i love the retarded cat. i had a cat who was given a lamb's heart to gnaw at one night. eejut creature attempted swallowing the bloody thing whole and nearly suffocated. would have suffocated but for ambulance style ride to vet's who pulled it out with glorified pliers. cat was mentally retarded ever after tho. thanks to oxygen deprivation
So I'm thinking of having lunch and I'm thinking of slicing some bread and now I'm thinking fuck the bread I'll just the ham out of the packet. That's the kind of whimsical girl I am.
Jane, I am so fuckin jealous. Beastie never wrote me a poem, especially one of such high caliber and emotional fortitude as Dripping Salt Beef Curtains. That's touching, it really is. It's hell to get old and have to fold your salty meat curtains, so they don't stick to your leg and all. I hadn't realized that the men could tell. I'm hurt and will go drink myself into a stupor. Wanna go?
PS, I'm leaving tomorrow, on vacation but I want all the sordid details of the trip, when I get back. My lips have been zipped all this time, all of them
Beastie Ohhhh thank you Beastie - i gave it an extra scrub just for you. Now, do you want your wire brush back, or should i just leave it in your BIDET next to your DRAWING ROOM? Or perhaps i should just leave it in the OUTHOUSE next to the UTILITIES??
Bug Thank you bug! Now where are my flowers, eh? It might sound 'corny', but all i want for my birthday is a pearl necklace. I am easy to please...
Raffi Yes but is your mind on dead, retarded pussy all day long? I worry about you, Raffi - you need a holiday!
Ebezp Number twos are usually quite satisfying. Thank you for the wishes and cute card - i printed that out - love it!
Erin And would that be cat for?? I can only assume it's catlolspeak?
Gleds My word the retard cat is popular! i love your story so much - i have never heard of a real retard cat! got any pictures of it?? glad mum went well - but blimey picadilly circus? that's kind of...touristy??:-)
Barman Gees - that looks like a whole orgy to me. Thanks barman - i would never have thought that you would have show me porn like that:-))
Hell Bad Newz Kennelz? Oh my lordy me. Perhaps my next post can be 100 different ways to electrocute a pup??
Porkie yeah totally, dog. even if its dead pussy - it still wants you, you know
Ms Robinson Good grief Ms R - haven't you heard of buying ready sliced bread? its HEAPS easier - although i find you eat more sandwiches when your bread is ready sliced. or mebbe i am just a big pig?
Babs Oh i am totally smug - not only did the virile and dripping-sex Beastie write me a poem, he also made lurid references to wire brushes. I've already collected my coat - i've totally pulled.
Babs 2 Oh i will email you:-) all good....very good...
Jenny! Yeah of course - if God didn't want you to kick cats he/she wouldn't have give you feet, innit?
Emma Oh goody - i was thinking of cleaning up my act but if it meanas losing out on girl-marriage - well forget that. Who needs political correctness, eh??
Mutley Right-ho i have the sprinklers trained on the steaks. Hurry up mutley, i have a cold twat.
FN HAHAHAHAHA yes i did, it was AWESOME. Its amazing how many dead cats there are if you google it. And quite a few 'retarded cats' too...lolllzz!!1!
ooer that pussy in a loaf of bread still gets me every time ... hey you've been TAGGED by me... eight random things ... hope you haven't done it before (this particular one has indeed been doing the rounds like a venerial disease)... come to mine for "further details ..."
Are you ready for another dose of dead rat up your minge yet. Just let me know babe and I'll be there like a rat up a drain pipe. PS. My pelt still has the odour of lavender,ozone and stale sperm -I haven't washed since our union.
What is this crap? I go on a heroin/meth bender, get thrown in jail, get out on bail, go crazy in a grocery store and attack one of the cashiers (allegedly), get put in the psychiatric ward, break out, throw a party, get alcohol poisoning, get taken to the emergency room, then get out of the hospital 3 days later and finally turn on my computer again... and you still haven't posted anything new?
Jesus, JJ. You need to get your shit together. How irresponsible.
Well........... The Ass picks din't work , and I am now out of credit on my phone. I shall compose a poem , that usually has an emetic effect. And lots of screaming He He He
yeah jj, i did what captain smack did, plus carried out a majority of my plan for world domination. i was hoping to have you as my mistress... i mean minister of affairs. hope you get back soon to take me up on my offer.
i have gone on strike as of today. i've painted all my hair (pubes included) bright red/purple and go by the name "jj". this will continue til we get word back from the number one beeotch of the internets.
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89 comments:
When I said pussy shots Ms JJ this was hardly what I had in mind... quite honestly I think you are just being silly.
I liked the bucket full best but then I am a sick mind...
Hay !!!! I m second!!
Wow! This was funny!
ROTFLMAO!
Flyinfox_SATX
I think the last one is mine.
The first cat bears a stunning resemblance to Mr. Stinks - my feline squatter.
Just so we all maintain our perspective, I would recommend a visit to THIS PAGE.
Mutley
My word there is just no pleasing you, sir. I give you pockets full of pussy and you sit about moaning?
I still expect the steak treatment Mr Mutley. Please get your passport ready - we don't just let anyone into this fine county...
Flyinfox
I doubt whether the LOLCAT crowd would find it quite so funny - frankly i think its hilarious...
tickers
fuck. your cat is covered in cement, dude
frobie
Ha! Mr Stinks actually told me that YOU were the squatter!!
Zen
AHAHAHAHAHA i love that so very much! but actually the page i am taking the piss out of is RIGHT HERE
Actually i adore LOLCATS and find them very funny - i am just being an arse as usual...
The Mistress of Scatology returns.
Care for some of my cheesecake?
I'd like to order the Bucket O'Pussy and some fries please. And a chocolate milkshake...
Where do you find these things!
Cats are nasty! The retarded cat I may want to take home...he would provide hours of entertainment!
Wow, this was so thoughtful of you! Just what I wanted: lolcats that aren't lol-ing anymore!
Maybe I'll send you one.
ZOMG LOLZ ROFL. You iz 1337!!!11eleven!11 You totally pwnd those catz.
I hate the internet sometimes...
I think I took the same English courses as the kitties.
I will think of you when I have all the hair ripped from my puss tonight.
Welcome back dearest!
You're back!
LOLcats are crazy. And funny. And weird. All at once.
The Beast being a man of sophistication and intellect
****wipes nose on sleeve****
Has resisted the siren call of a thousand pussy quips .
Welcome back JJ .Now that my muse is back I shall be spending the evening composing an epic poem dedicated to your own 'fragrant garden' entitled
Dripping Salt Beef Curtains.
***adjusts smoking Jacket , freshens cocktail , and farts****
Good to see you back, now where's that article?
Lolcats r teh rulez
Mmm, kitty cake!
Mmm! Kitty Litter Cake!
i think i forgot the kitty on this one!
I need a str8 jacket! HAHA
NOW! THis is a cake!
Badge
Ha! you can't keep a good Mistress down! Screw the cheesecake - gimmer yer whole bastion, my lovely
Babs
Um sure you can order the Special Meal Deal Bucket. I must warn you - cos you is my favorite - that its full of dead cat.
Babs (2)
If you sent the sniffer dogs out for me i can only assume they are responsible for all this cat carnage. Tweak harder pls, ktxbai.
Airam
It was easy - i just googled for 'dead cats' and then turned them into LOLcat speak. Easy Peasy!
Jenny!
Done! Sold to the lady in the I love Peni shirt! one very 'spewshul' kitty to be used to point at and laugh.
Bug
I think that dead LOLcats are far funnier. I wonder if it might start a craze? i could even get my own DedLolcats blog, innit? i am sure my two won't mind posing here and there?
Milky
ROLFPMSFGL!! I iz in ur internets! Fucking with ur kittehs! oh i love the internets - so many ded kittehs, so little time....
Sausage
I think its fabulous that so many dead kitteh's can still type! Surely it would just be easier to use a lawnmower tonight??
arm
I am indeed! My word, what a big adventure that holiday turned out to be! I am very glad no-one had their camera about - i am certain killing all those cats just for my blog is illegal.
BEastie
Oh my word! is that Haiku i notice?? blimey - you big old romantic!! Funny - i was just on Zen's blog saying that my stripper name is going to be Meatflaps. you must have read my mind!!
PS: oh beastie i think you have some prawn cocktail messed on your smoking jacket...
Crushed
ohhhh yes i think i know the piece you mean - its on my work computer - it was published as a lengthy white paper. i will dig it out and email it to you...:-)
Morbid
AHAHAHAHAHA i love that so very much! how did you get the kitteh to do that?? awwwww it would have been SOOOO cute if he'd pulled the trigger!!
Matty
Oh you most definitely do need a laugh. And of course where else to get one (and lots of Lentil glamour) other than here? I can't wait to see you cock shots - will they all be dead too??
Tildy
My word! is it someone's birthday? huh? huh? lemme go check the calendar,....OH YES!! LOOK!! IT's MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!! WOOOOOOT! Happy birthday me!!
I especially love Kitty Litter cake - only a cat can get humans to pick its shit out a box, eh??
Yihhhaaa your doing the cat thing well i like that !!!
Oh. You're back. I see. You think you can just up and walk out, pretty as you please... and then waltz back in 3 weeks later with some kitty photos, acting like nothing happened?
I don't know, JJ. Sometimes I feel like we are living in two different countries or something.
Awesome pussy shots but for me I loved the totally baked shot the most.
Glad to see your twisted mind back.
Oh and happy belated birthday JJ. Of course being on the other side of the pond with the time difference I should be right on time. It's my story and I am sticking with it.
**** Is struggling with a rhyme for clitoris*****
Nothing like a cat kebab with a little kitten gaucamole on the side.
That's what I call the cat's whiskers.
Ooooh Happy Birthday JJ , I enjoy giving my colon a good scrubbing with a wire brush at least once a year , I find the BUTLERS SINK in the PANTRY (just adjacent to the BOOT ROOM) is ideal for this.
Happy birthday, JJ! Hope you get everything you want (besides an enema and a marrow-whatever that is).
What DO you want for your birthday?
Number 2 is great.
Nice to see you back JJ, good post!
BTW Happy Birthday
meow.
i love the retarded cat. i had a cat who was given a lamb's heart to gnaw at one night. eejut creature attempted swallowing the bloody thing whole and nearly suffocated. would have suffocated but for ambulance style ride to vet's who pulled it out with glorified pliers. cat was mentally retarded ever after tho. thanks to oxygen deprivation
o, the visit to my mumzy went fine thanxx
A marrow? I had to do a quick check and found this.
Nice. Have a great time tonight and be sure to make the marrow pay. I would consider holding out for dinner too.
Jane,
You should meet Michael Vick.
So I'm thinking of having lunch and I'm thinking of slicing some bread and now I'm thinking fuck the bread I'll just the ham out of the packet. That's the kind of whimsical girl I am.
Jane, I am so fuckin jealous. Beastie never wrote me a poem, especially one of such high caliber and emotional fortitude as Dripping Salt Beef Curtains. That's touching, it really is. It's hell to get old and have to fold your salty meat curtains, so they don't stick to your leg and all. I hadn't realized that the men could tell. I'm hurt and will go drink myself into a stupor. Wanna go?
PS, I'm leaving tomorrow, on vacation but I want all the sordid details of the trip, when I get back. My lips have been zipped all this time, all of them
Yes! So is it ok if I kick this cat too?
Oh Jungle Jane, I love your politically incorrect humor. I wanna marry you girl even though I iz retarded too!
Happy Birthday sweet cheeks! I shall be round as soon as I am released. Keep the steaks wet for me by constant water drinking...
omg!!! did you do these? i snorked noodles out my nose!
my fave is retarded cat!
teh scream, girl!
Beastie
Ohhhh thank you Beastie - i gave it an extra scrub just for you. Now, do you want your wire brush back, or should i just leave it in your BIDET next to your DRAWING ROOM? Or perhaps i should just leave it in the OUTHOUSE next to the UTILITIES??
Bug
Thank you bug! Now where are my flowers, eh? It might sound 'corny', but all i want for my birthday is a pearl necklace. I am easy to please...
Raffi
Yes but is your mind on dead, retarded pussy all day long? I worry about you, Raffi - you need a holiday!
Ebezp
Number twos are usually quite satisfying. Thank you for the wishes and cute card - i printed that out - love it!
Erin
And would that be cat for?? I can only assume it's catlolspeak?
Gleds
My word the retard cat is popular! i love your story so much - i have never heard of a real retard cat! got any pictures of it?? glad mum went well - but blimey picadilly circus? that's kind of...touristy??:-)
Barman
Gees - that looks like a whole orgy to me. Thanks barman - i would never have thought that you would have show me porn like that:-))
Hell
Bad Newz Kennelz? Oh my lordy me. Perhaps my next post can be 100 different ways to electrocute a pup??
Porkie
yeah totally, dog. even if its dead pussy - it still wants you, you know
Ms Robinson
Good grief Ms R - haven't you heard of buying ready sliced bread? its HEAPS easier - although i find you eat more sandwiches when your bread is ready sliced. or mebbe i am just a big pig?
Babs
Oh i am totally smug - not only did the virile and dripping-sex Beastie write me a poem, he also made lurid references to wire brushes. I've already collected my coat - i've totally pulled.
Babs 2
Oh i will email you:-) all good....very good...
Jenny!
Yeah of course - if God didn't want you to kick cats he/she wouldn't have give you feet, innit?
Emma
Oh goody - i was thinking of cleaning up my act but if it meanas losing out on girl-marriage - well forget that. Who needs political correctness, eh??
Mutley
Right-ho i have the sprinklers trained on the steaks. Hurry up mutley, i have a cold twat.
FN
HAHAHAHAHA yes i did, it was AWESOME. Its amazing how many dead cats there are if you google it. And quite a few 'retarded cats' too...lolllzz!!1!
I thought the loaf of cat was quite surreal.
Why are cats so small?
(hooray!)
I hope I didn't let the
CAT out of the bag!
HAHA(I do crack myself up!)
Luv ya!
Disturbing.
Oh dear am I dripping again......I better put some newspaper down :-(
hahahahahahaha!!!
Bulimiccat!
ooer that pussy in a loaf of bread still gets me every time ... hey you've been TAGGED by me... eight random things ... hope you haven't done it before (this particular one has indeed been doing the rounds like a venerial disease)... come to mine for "further details ..."
Well hello there Jane.
Are you ready for another dose of dead rat up your minge yet. Just let me know babe and I'll be there like a rat up a drain pipe.
PS. My pelt still has the odour of lavender,ozone and stale sperm -I haven't washed since our union.
Are them your cats?
Ratty hasn't washed since your onion???? Cripes!
What is this crap? I go on a heroin/meth bender, get thrown in jail, get out on bail, go crazy in a grocery store and attack one of the cashiers (allegedly), get put in the psychiatric ward, break out, throw a party, get alcohol poisoning, get taken to the emergency room, then get out of the hospital 3 days later and finally turn on my computer again... and you still haven't posted anything new?
Jesus, JJ. You need to get your shit together. How irresponsible.
ha, hilarious
Hey, look, it's a Smack sandwich!
Time for a post girlfriend.
Well...........
The Ass picks din't work , and I am now out of credit on my phone.
I shall compose a poem , that usually has an emetic effect.
And lots of screaming
He He He
yeah jj, i did what captain smack did, plus carried out a majority of my plan for world domination. i was hoping to have you as my mistress... i mean minister of affairs. hope you get back soon to take me up on my offer.
POST! please
I saw seagulls mingling with Canadian Geese. Only in America. What is this world coming too?
Details on your tagging can be found on My Mule
Where in the hell are ya JJ? I'm beginning to worry, wonder but I'll wait.
hey what's happening? where have you been? what have you been doing? where are you now???
please send me some new cat pictures. the old ones look so... used
reminds me of the osbornes' pets
i have gone on strike as of today. i've painted all my hair (pubes included) bright red/purple and go by the name "jj". this will continue til we get word back from the number one beeotch of the internets.
I cant look at those cats any longer. PLEASE!! send the doggs!!!
What is it about cats that make them so amusing ! Call me a dork but I find these hilarious!
NEW DELHI, India (AP) -- Wild monkeys attacked a senior government official who then fell from a balcony at his home and died Sunday
You ok? Monkeys fascinate and also they fill me with terror. I hope the monkeys have left you alone.
Jungle Jane -- Miss you!
Hey what has happened to you?!?!?
Long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long time no hear!
;->...
The sabbatical is over, it is time to get back to work...Send money, ammo... JW
Jane you lazy bastard, do I have to rape your comments box?
August 15th was your last post. It is now December 19th. That's like, what, a month or something?
Maybe Jane drowned in the flood?
JJ were the fuck are you !!!
comeback girl or i come over and give you a good ass fuck :-)
These are awesome.
Smack Dab is having another Boob Competition Jayne. Last time I think you missed it JUST because you were busy with that thing called Real Life!
miss.smack@gmail.com if you want to play :)
http://www.spikedhumor.com/article.aspx?id=141800
Just checking. You around?
i think i luv u!
You are my hero Jane! Come back!!!
We need your guidance in these heavy times, Jane ;)
We miss you. August 2009.
We still miss you. Nov 2010.
(ex lady muck)
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