25 July 2007

Hippy shit

Ever since that Al Gore geezer invented this global warming crap the weather has been totally rubbish in England. It hasn't got warmer at all! It got rainier!

I should have known it all was a load of shit when I went to his launch party at Wembley few weeks ago – just because he invented the internet doesn’t mean the dude knows how to throw a party.
It was wayyyy overcrowded in there and not a hint of cocaine on offer. Needless to say I bailed early, went home and threw a huge Fuck The Earth party instead. It was awesome – we dined on whale meat, wrapped ourselves in clingfilm and drove around revving our global warmers all night.

With all due respect I don’t think Mr Gore has thought through properly all this climate change stuff he’s trying to sell. Carbon dioxide emissions? Ha! Judging from the size of his belly I would suggest that he probably emits half the developing world’s tally all by himself. The world’s oceans are set to rise by 4 feet in the next year if we buy into his crap and that is seriously a heck of a lot of midgets that are going to drown as a result. And all this just so that Americans can lower their heating bills!

Well fuck all this pressure. I am out of here for a few day on a very well deserved holiday. I scored an awesomely cheap package holiday from www.dodgybreaks.com and I am tres (that’s French) excited about getting away on my little break to Tewkesbury for a few days. I’m not sure exactly where that is, but I think it's in France. Either way it sounds like such a cute seaside retreat - as a bonus the travel agent even threw in a free set of goggles and snorkel.

So. While you sad bastards are working like peasants I will be scuba diving with the fishies. If you really want to save the planet while I am gone, consider that if Google had a black screen 750 mega watts an hour per year would be saved. As a result Google has created a gothic version of its search engine called Blackle. It has the same functions as the white version, but with heaps lower energy consumption. Use it. Gore will give you head.

posted by jungle jane @ 9:54 pm |


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