25 July 2007

Hippy shit

Ever since that Al Gore geezer invented this global warming crap the weather has been totally rubbish in England. It hasn't got warmer at all! It got rainier!

I should have known it all was a load of shit when I went to his launch party at Wembley few weeks ago – just because he invented the internet doesn’t mean the dude knows how to throw a party.
It was wayyyy overcrowded in there and not a hint of cocaine on offer. Needless to say I bailed early, went home and threw a huge Fuck The Earth party instead. It was awesome – we dined on whale meat, wrapped ourselves in clingfilm and drove around revving our global warmers all night.

With all due respect I don’t think Mr Gore has thought through properly all this climate change stuff he’s trying to sell. Carbon dioxide emissions? Ha! Judging from the size of his belly I would suggest that he probably emits half the developing world’s tally all by himself. The world’s oceans are set to rise by 4 feet in the next year if we buy into his crap and that is seriously a heck of a lot of midgets that are going to drown as a result. And all this just so that Americans can lower their heating bills!

Well fuck all this pressure. I am out of here for a few day on a very well deserved holiday. I scored an awesomely cheap package holiday from www.dodgybreaks.com and I am tres (that’s French) excited about getting away on my little break to Tewkesbury for a few days. I’m not sure exactly where that is, but I think it's in France. Either way it sounds like such a cute seaside retreat - as a bonus the travel agent even threw in a free set of goggles and snorkel.

So. While you sad bastards are working like peasants I will be scuba diving with the fishies. If you really want to save the planet while I am gone, consider that if Google had a black screen 750 mega watts an hour per year would be saved. As a result Google has created a gothic version of its search engine called Blackle. It has the same functions as the white version, but with heaps lower energy consumption. Use it. Gore will give you head.


59 comments:

BEAST said...

JJ i hope this global warming bollocks is true, as the 4 ft sea level rise will give Beastie a beach front home ....hurrah.
Thanks to the Beasts new healthy diet, they could put a wind turbine in my pants , I could power all the lights in southern england !
Ah Tewkesbury , the venice of the north

jungle jane said...

Oh my word Beastie, we could have an Emmissions Contest. UK vs USA. You will be in the red corner, Gore will be in the blue corner.

Oh Beastie this is all so exciting! here, lemme feed you some raw broccoli. You can totally wooop his ass!

Who cares about the Hand of God in 1966? England can restore glory with our own Ass of An Angel in 2007. I am so proud of you and our fight to save the earth Beastie.

Airam said...

That horse is pissing on that kid?!!?!? And he's willingly letting that horse piss on him???? To get clean!!!???

EBEZP said...

I love this blame it all on Al Gore thing! It's true though!!

Beastie must be on the South coast for Tewkesbury to be in the North but I'm with him all the way.

Seriously though JJ wonderfully tongue in cheek post!

jungle jane said...

Airam
Sigh. Seriously. Have you NO concern for saving the planet? That is not just horse piss - it's a bath. like really - i think you TOTALLY need to become more environmentally friendly.

ebezp
I nearly bit my tongue it was so lodged in my cheek. The midgets will thank me though. The Google thing is not a joke though - Blackle is real. Use it.

First Nations said...

i was just wondering the same thing the other day as i watched Jaques Cousteau flippering past my front window. 'Self,' I thought' what is with this 'global warming this and global warming that' shit when its the middle of fucking July and it's fifty fucking degrees out and raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock?' made me quite vexed it did. today, however, it is sunshiny and i am celebrating with a baby harp seal barbecue.

matty said...

You know, I gave Al Gore head. I even swallowed and took all that massive weight on my person as he skull-fucked me. ...and, do you know -- I didn't even get a kiss in return.

No.

He just ran out saying he had to go fix the Internet and save the world with Melissa Ettheridge.

...i sometimes secretly mix our plastic bottles with our regular garbage. not so much because i don't care about the environment, but because i'm so damn lazy and tired.

wallycrawler said...

I totally wanna kill everyone of them Fuck'n "Global Warm'n" douchebags ! Starting with David Suzuki and end'n with Al "Fatso" Gore !

Creepy motherfuck'n hypocrites !!!

By the way , rain in England , in the summer ...???? No fuck'n way ? Who'd have thunk ? Do ya get sun ?

Jenny! said...

Al Gore uses more resources than my whole town! Filling his fucking SUV's and providing electricity to his, like 5 mansions! Fucker! I despise Al Gore more than Hillary...fuck cunts should drown themselves in your floods!

Mone said...

Looks like Blackle is for the goth fans around us, hahaha. Enjoy your vacation JJ, I understand the need to get away from the rain. I'm leaving Sunday evening going straigth south, temperatures around 30°C, thats how I like it.
Take care.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Have you ever fantasized about being a mermaid, JJ? Think of all the ways that a tail is better than a twat.

garfer said...

I would happily pass water on Al Gore's head.

Tewkesbury is full of one eyed inbred sheep copulators. Don't go. Kabul is much nicer at this time of year anyway.

Who cares if the sea level rises. We can buy the midgets stilts.

ChickyBabe said...

I like Blackle! As for global warming, we've had the coldest winter in Sydney for years. And it rained rain. But no men.

Ms Robinson said...

What I can't work out is that I've been wearing all these plastic bracelets and we still have global poverty and melting ice-caps. Fucking things don't work.

Bugwit said...

Global warming...psshaw!

Fat people always think the room is too hot.

BEAST said...

Re you picture , the wonders of cow urine are revealed in there entirity if you go to the following site
www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html.

I am ordering mine NOW

DirtyBitchSociety said...

OMG you're killing me. Now be a good girl and have fun. You must give me all the sordid details, when you get back.

This was hilarious but thought provoking!

zen wizard said...

I am totally against the methane emissions secreted by that kid's shower, and I think that that kid should be forced to attend a Spinal Tap concert until he sees the political incorrectness of his ways!

RAFFI said...

gore already gave me head, right after bill, hilary, and lewinsky. i don't believe there really is a blackle, it's like the boogie man.

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

My old man keeps a boat at Tewkesbury sailing club. It goes wandering sometimes in the floods- though whether it did this time, I have no idea- but the thought always amuses me.

Anonymous said...

All I can see from here is water.... it is the sea! I understand your concern for global warming - your nice Al Bore was right to export it to the world. We can all benefit!

Erin O'Brien said...

Looks like a swell vacation spot, baby. Pick me up a snowdome, will you?

Captain Smack said...

You didn't invite ME to your Fuck The Earth party? JJ, I'm hurt. I thought you knew how much I liked fucking round, spinning things.

Personally, I can't WAIT for the end of the world to come. I just hope it's something dramatic, like a huge meteor, or giant spaceships with atomic lasers, and not some lame ass global warming shit that takes forever. When the end comes, I want to be able to watch it from my lawn chair, coked up and drinking a Tequila Sunrise.

barman said...

Hey if you want Al Bore you can keep him. I will even toss in Michael Moore too.

Oh man, I missed your party. Well have a wonderful holiday there JJ and when you get back I will see about giving the UK a run for it's money on the Emissions Contest. I am sure I have a toot or two to contribute.

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Where's that article, anyway?

waygon112 said...

Jane, you are the smarteset person I know.
If I wasn't married I'd travel to sunny England and ask for your hand in marriage.

Flyinfox_SATX said...

First off, JJ I am happy that you are taking a holiday. Enjoy yourself. As for me working like a peasant? Sure, I will be doing that alright but at night I will be laying pipe like a plumber and thats all good to.

Al Gore? Fuck 'em
Global Warming? Fuck it!

Enjoy!

EmmaK said...

I wrapped myself in clingfilm like you suggested but then I didn't feel like protesting against global warming and I started getting turned on and I even masturbated to a picture of Al Gore. Oh crap, I think I am a lost cause, who else am I ever going to meet with an Al Gore clingfilm fetish?

morbid misanthrope said...

I suppose I understand how bathing in cow piss helps the environment, but what about that African tribe that eats cow menstrual waste to grow their testicles the size of bus tires? Does that help the environment? Perhaps they're doing that shit just to screw with all the anthropologists hanging around their village. Either way, Al Gore is a douche nozzle.

Tickersoid said...

can t t ype pr oper ly beca use m y ke y bo ard ha s wa rp ed fr om th e dam p

Midnight said...

There is always a bright side even to flooding. All of those Bullseye winners must be well chuffed that they finally get to use their fucking speedboats.

"Super smashing great" can be heard being shouted in the streets of Sheffield.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Drive-by...wind in my hair...drinkin a 40

Frobisher said...

To offset my "carbon footprint" leaving a comment here I shall be planting four cannabis plants today!

Anonymous said...

I was wondering JJ? Is it alright to suck a mans cock on the first date?

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

I think you should know that we are not allowed to use words like "Blackie" in England.

Miss Smack said...

fantastic picture hahaha

Miss Smack said...

Mutley, NO unless its your cock they're sucking and then yes :)

Anonymous said...

Hooray!! What a relief - I thought I was a bit of a tart!

josh williams said...

I noticed map quest was generating some extra degrees, and its two demisnional, not a dfamn globe! This global warming is out of control.

~d said...

Hiya ~dollhead.

Toby said...

Jane, jane, jane, it's worse than you can ever imagine. The global warming perps are coupling with the watchers. The gulls are getting away with whatever - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4t9u23c2_Nw

brookelina said...

You're a sick fuck.

And you sing almost as bad as I do, and that's saying something.

Gledwood said...

See it just goes to show "global warming" is just a way of the Prissy Police beating us all down and having a severe go all round. Murderers! and crap! is what i say to it!!!

~d said...

Passing thru. Again.
(smile)

josh williams said...

My kingdom for a cold icey beer.

Anonymous said...

Sitting on squishy blue "ice" packs has grown boring without new posts, Jane.

Anonymous said...

If I promised to lick your fanny like a dog with a steak would you come back and post something more?

Miss Smack said...

Jesus Mutley LOL

Where is JJ??

BEAST said...

ARE YOU STILL ON HOLIDAY
FOR GOD SAKE WOMAN !!!!!

wallycrawler said...

Fuck I hated Hippies the 1st. time around. This time could be even worse!

barman said...

Jane, oh Jane ... where are you?

Gledwood said...

You're quite right it IS all Al Gore's fault... do you think he's on the side of the Islamic terrorists? Al Quaeda... Al Gore ... ??

Jenny! said...

Your such a tease...coming to comment...then no new post! Where have you been?

Hal said...

LA is on the brink of a serious drought since it didn't rain almost at all over the winter.

For that reason, it is also in danger of some serious wildfires, but that's another story.

There are radio and TV ads, as well as billboards and flyers going up about conserving water. Maybe you ought to send the pic you posted to the LA DWP (Department of Water and Power) and see if they'll go for it.

Given what's been happening with our mayor, it can hardly get any worse.

La Muck said...

I got to cocaine and stopped. Where has that stuff got to? Fucking Al Gore.

La Muck said...

Hal - flyers to stop global warming? I won't state the obvious, but simply ask - am I being a smartarse here?

Gledwood said...

you know that cat going into orbit? do you think it's got cat diarrhoea??

well SOMETHING's blasting it off that high!!

Toby said...

Jane has given it up to the gulls. She was weak.

daisk5 said...

Japanese whale fishing is completely lawful.
And is completely scientific.
In addition, it is a Japanese gastronomic culture to eat whales.
You should refrain from the act of denying the culture of another country.
watch this video.

To the person who wants to know why Japan hunts whales
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=xWYOJYEOvSk

[DragonBall] Freezer VS Japanese whaling
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=HdUPHXNPVR4

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ap_0uUICejnG3TGasvh8ePvsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080204060044AAgG9Cy


Why do the media of australia tell a lie and censorship?
if doubt me? Post my comment this URL.
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,23155612-5007146,00.html