Fiveskins

The Foreskin is a fugly tube of redundant skin that some dudes are cursed to have stuck to end of their knobs. The subject is largely taboo among many new mothers, yet recent research done by myself down the pub leads me to believe that as many as one men in three are unlucky enough to be born with this embarrassing knob defect.

So what to do with all that skin then, eh? Easy – cut off the filthy spare meat and say goodbye to a lifetime of foreskin feta and no sex. Nature can only do so much way of helping junior to lose the turtleneck sweater and to slip into a crew neck – the rest is down to you, people.



Circumcision – which should never be attempted whilst drunk - was first invented by the British to prevent masturbation. Recently some cultures have also adopted the practise in order to reduce the risk of HIV infection. Strange that none of these people ever considered removing the whole penis – thereby eliminating the risk entirely.


Circumcision is not just about correcting a design flaw in nature though – it also removes all of the sensitivity in the entire knob and is therefore an excellent way to prevent premature ejaculation. The procedure is no more painful than a flu vaccination and most men that have it done are up and fucking like a tiger within 3 hours of leaving the operating table.


Rumoured to soon become compulsory under the Green Party, circumsizion is the right thing to do for God, your country and all womenkind. If you are too tight to pay the vet to do it for you, I encourage you to study my illustration, purchase a razor and give it a go.



The only exceptions to this are gay men, who I will possibly not be having sex with unless I can get them really drunk.

Thank you.