You know how I swapped you my soul for that big bag of weed? Well that’s all done and gone now and I am now wondering if you would have any use for a heart? I don’t think I want mine - actually I would be happy to be shot of the damn thing if the truth be known. I do realise that there is a limited market for second hand hearts but I figured you might be able to use it as a doorstop or something. I know it will blend right in with the rest of your décor – black is so timeless.
I was thinking that maybe we could just do a straight swap – you get the heart and I get to chose a replacement body part that would be a bit more useful to me. I've done the math and decided that a spare vagina would probably come in real handy - we could simply drop it into the cavity that my stupid heart left behind. I’ve checked in the mirror and if I warm up my tongue it can just about reach. And I promise to look after this one real good – no chunky piercings on the new gutted hedgehog.
I know I’ve caught you at your busiest time of the year but have a word with your people and get back to me, yeah?