23 December 2005

Mike Hunt

Dear Lucifer,

You know how I swapped you my soul for that big bag of weed? Well that’s all done and gone now and I am now wondering if you would have any use for a heart? I don’t think I want mine - actually I would be happy to be shot of the damn thing if the truth be known. I do realise that there is a limited market for second hand hearts but I figured you might be able to use it as a doorstop or something. I know it will blend right in with the rest of your décor – black is so timeless.

I was thinking that maybe we could just do a straight swap – you get the heart and I get to chose a replacement body part that would be a bit more useful to me. I've done the math and decided that a spare vagina would probably come in real handy - we could simply drop it into the cavity that my stupid heart left behind. I’ve checked in the mirror and if I warm up my tongue it can just about reach. And I promise to look after this one real good – no chunky piercings on the new gutted hedgehog.

I know I’ve caught you at your busiest time of the year but have a word with your people and get back to me, yeah?

sincerely,
JJ

37 comments:

HighMaintenanceHussy said...

lol oh dear. if you're ever my way, we have GOT to go out.

your comment on recreational use made me lose a holiday hit, thankyouverymuch! but oh-so-true. it's like roses at valentine's day...the dealers put a 20% increase on controlled substances because they know people are gonna need them and buy them anyway.

geezer squeezer! said...

id have an extra vagina where my bum-hole was.no more smelly double penetrations.kippers for all!

merry xmas!

Henri Banks said...

Merry Xmas JJ from the heart :-)

jungle jane said...

Hussy when i get your way i want to crush your town up and snort it in one hit. you're on, girl

hey geezer i read you're blog - you're a funny funny fucker. i'm coming over to play on your blog in a bit:-)


White Trash i am glad i am rid of my heart. pesky overrated orgain...happy trashy to you too

josh williams said...

My hand with the right amount of plastic surgery...Hmmm Jane you gave me an idea if I get my money back. Vaginas on the house!

jungle jane said...

i am not sure a vagina would look any good on my house josh. what would the neighbours think?

Calzone said...

dude...What the fuck? Who has been stomping on your buzz? "Take my heart I don't want it"? Lets just go out and shit. I mean you have to pay your own way, and it would be cool if you would hang out naked in the corner of our room with a lampshade on your head, seriously..I'll fix your shit right up.

josh williams said...

Maybe your right and besides who could sleep in a house when every person that walked by would say "morning ladies".
However maybe a spec home with a gina?
As soon as we find Roscoe we can turn these horse turds into diamonds. Happy Sat. JW

jungle jane said...

calzone i have no money. dude would you get off on mugging my mother - she has like about $40 in her purse. you hit her over the head and i will grab the purse?

josh, i saw roscoe earlier - he was operating a shoe shine business

Ms. Robyn said...

Isn't it funny how people with the last name Hunt STILL name their kids Michael?

josh williams said...

SHOE SHINE EH? He is playin his cards close to his chest. Bet he is the only shoe shine'r who drives a hummer.

geezer squeezer! said...

good.bring your bong will ya?

wallycrawler said...

I dunno is your the funniest preson "out dare" or just da hottest ! Would da "hedgehog' be above or below da third boob ? Above would be perfect !

jungle jane said...

Ms Robyn they should definitely stick to Richard.

He was whistling a tune, Josh. I don't know much about classical music but i am damn sure it was the theme tune of "The A Team"...

Geezer i am coming on over to poke fun at he photo of the dead dog and its weiner on your blog.

Wally its going between the end two tits so that when i run it gets a little rub.

Justin Kreutzmann said...

That's great!

SuperAmanda said...

I am very impressed!
Mekes me wonder how the other 'third' live!
Merry Christmas to the goddess,
Amanda

jungle jane said...

My heart agrees, Justin

Thanks Amanda! Hope you are having fun too. I am just about to go out and have a few Jesus Cocktails...

ing said...

Hang on to your heart, babe. If you split it between two vaginas, wouldn't the pleasure, at its source, get diluted by half? I mean, because it's no longer happening all in one incredible spot?

jungle jane said...

Dear lord ing. you don't make your living from math, am i right?

1 vagina + 1 vagina = 2 vaginas. 1 beer + 1 beer = 2 beers.

Now stay with me. this is where it gets hard.

1 + 1 = 2. not half.

geddit? lemme know if you want me to use smaller words or different examples.

wallycrawler said...

Hope you had a good day . Merry Christmas from Da Wallycrawler .

ing said...

Yeah, but 1 exquisite foot massage = 1 exquisite foot massage.

1 exquisite foot massage + 1 sensational chocolate-eating experience = distracting.

One pleasure center at a time, you hedonist.

josh williams said...

Thats Roscoe! He is obsessed with that song, he plays it on the French horn all the friggin' time. Then almost every sentence he utters he will add "I love it when a plan comes together". Thanks for the scoop.

jungle jane said...

Wally yesterday was tops. I slaughtered a mongoose and had it with a nice bit of salad.

ing i relate. i have gotten rid of every scrap of chocolate in my house so i reckon i should be cool now, right?

josh do you have any idea why he went and had that David Hasselhoff tattoo done then? do you think he got his characters confused? poor roscoe. sometimes i think he's bordering on being delusional, you know.

emmmmmm said...

Who are these people and where did they come from? Tried to call all weekend - answer your phone. Have you gone away? Call me beautiful.

e.

ticharu said...

You have the coolest blog on the planet!

ing said...

Okay, I must have eaten two pounds of chocolate yesterday.

josh williams said...

JJ: Oh yeah, the David Hasselhoff obsession. I told him I would not talk about that out of respect. Hmmmm "out of respect"? If he really did get that tattoo then I will tell all because I will have lost all respect. Unless its one of those iron on tattoos then I wont say a word.

Roscoe said...

Four Vietnam vets, framed for a crime they didn't commit, help the innocent while on the run from the military. Howlin’ Mad Murdock was the genius of that bunch. JJ, I’m your hero for hire trying to conquer your hartgina.

jungle jane said...

emmy lovely i can't answer my phone. long story. you will love it.

hey thanks tichara! i am not sure everyone gets into midget fucking and auto erotic asphyxiation, but i am glad you are enjoying reading about it

Ing that wasn't chocolate - it was hashish.

Josh i think the tatt was real. i never met someone with a tatt on their weiner before.

roscoe i need a hero. how much do you charge for an hour of heroism?

ginab said...

I'd trade my asshole for this blog site.

jungle jane said...

i'll take the arsehole to balance out my double vagina...

YellowSock said...

Thank you for talking to Satan for me about my delema! My wish came true! I knew he'd come through! Hail Satan and Hail Jane!

Bloddy Marys all around, on me!

jungle jane said...

oh fantastic news sausage. and here was me thinking that sacrificing your grannie was overkill...

ginab said...

Neat mathematics, Jane.

ing said...

Gina, Jane, I WISH I'd laid off the hash in my second grade math class.

BadGod said...

If I did drugs (like you losers) I would so love to see me on LSD. My anger and hatred of the world and all creatures (except kittens. Fuck they are cute!) would be an interesting time, I think.

When I said "like you losers", I mean that in a nice way.

That's just me, you know. Nice. Right? NICE.

Fuck.

jungle jane said...

Badgod you are a real sweety. the world needs more honeys like you. oath.