06 December 2005

who put the crack in the crackers??

The reason that more people suicide on Christmas is because its fucking depressing.

I was shopping around for my Christmas puppy today – you know, the one I intend taking back to the RSPCA on Boxing Day once I am done bored with it - muttering to myself about “fucking Christmas” when it hit me with a jolt. “That’s it!” I thought. Bollocks to hymns for the baby jebus, a Fucking Christmas is exactly what we all need - a day that even straight men look forward to.

So instead of getting my usual childish festive kick from soldering razor wire into the inside of my chimney on 24 December, this year I am going to hold a 3 day orgy with for a truly rocking Fucking XXXmas. On the offchance that I can’t rustle up 3 friends prepared to join me I will simply hire 3 nubile Ho Ho Hos.

XXXmas is coming? It will be in my house…

11 comments:

HighMaintenanceHussy said...

oh man...that sounds simply divine. i'll bring the lube.

nice blog, btw. thanks for stopping by recreational use. :)

Die Muräne said...

will wait for your party-pics! grrrr....

davedudeski said...

I smell a new holiday tradition.
Dont forget the elves.

Great graphic lol.

jungle jane said...

holy smoke Hussy - i'm yer biggest fan. I shall frame the lube - even if its dutch pineapple flavour:-)

Ha, die murane - that's a great idea. i could do merchandising - mouse mats, amusing stickers..

dudeski i would never forget the elves - you know how much i love a midget...

Neil said...

Leave a note for Santa to join in. I hear Mrs. Claus hardly gave him any this year and he's very horny. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm talking about myself.

Emmmm said...

This is terrible, but I can't figure out if you are being serious or not...not about the puppy - we all know you are a cat person - about the fucking.

You crack me up, Janey. I keep meaning to start a blog but then I read yours and realise I have nothing interesting to say!!

Love you girly
emmmm

HighMaintenanceHussy said...

awwww, you're so sweet. your flattery is getting you a spot on the recreational use blog roll. ;)

jungle jane said...

i just vommitted with excitement - crap, thanks Hussy! that's so ace - i'm all fired up and enthusiastic and brimming with love for blogging again...just as i was getting jaded with my 2 month old blog...:-)

Anonymous said...

I like that, Lets have a XXX festeval! I like youre blog!

Slam said...

I have an industrial sized vat banana flavoured lube! I'll drop it round for you.

Ad & Jules xox said...

SHIT!!

Why did we read this on 28th December and miss out on a fat orgy?

SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!