The reason that more people suicide on Christmas is because its fucking depressing.
I was shopping around for my Christmas puppy today – you know, the one I intend taking back to the RSPCA on Boxing Day once I am done bored with it - muttering to myself about “fucking Christmas” when it hit me with a jolt. “That’s it!” I thought. Bollocks to hymns for the baby jebus, a Fucking Christmas is exactly what we all need - a day that even straight men look forward to.
So instead of getting my usual childish festive kick from soldering razor wire into the inside of my chimney on 24 December, this year I am going to hold a 3 day orgy with for a truly rocking Fucking XXXmas. On the offchance that I can’t rustle up 3 friends prepared to join me I will simply hire 3 nubile Ho Ho Hos.
XXXmas is coming? It will be in my house…