17 December 2005

tampons

I dunno if being a potty-mouthed, hard-living, drug-scoffing, cheap-piss-drinking mijito counts against me but I’ve been noticing recently that blokes seem to be really awfully scared of me. In short, I think I should put a bit more elbow grease into honing my femininity instead of dissing my yang by perving on midget porn and flicking my bean. If that fails I guess I could just grab the nearest bloke and club him in the kneecaps to keep him from fleeing.

After a snap poll amongst The Girls it appears that my hobbies might be a starting point – fucking about with motorbikes and having a season ticket to the cricket doesn’t seem to make it on any other girl lists of Fun Things To Do This Weekend. I clearly need to get a hobby with XX chromosomes – and one that doesn’t involve me, my lady-parts and a big sack of batteries.

So after a bit of research and a lot of thought I have decided to go with the flow and write me one of them Coffee Table books. More specifically, mine is going to be about tampons - I figured that you don’t get much more girly than a grouse dose of toxic shock syndrome. In deference to my authentic self I won’t sell out completely though – Jam Rag (it’s still a working title but am I right or am I right in thinking that's one classy title) will of course have a nasty sealed section for educational purposes and also for dirty blood fuckers - Period Porn is a booming big business.

I have already decided on a Tampon Art section, an introduction to Tampon Haberdashery and possibly even a small section on Beaver Hammocks - or sanitary napkins as my dead Nana used to call them.

Now I know I have a long way to go before my work makes it into the
Museum of Menstruation (I love how they call themselves MUM for short. That’s real neat.) I know that recognition from Tampaction's Menstrual Activism section is a bit ambitious right now while i am still in the conceptual stages, but I also can’t help thinking of the words of a wize old zulu: a journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step. which in my case would be getting off my arse and out this bloody hole….
posted by jungle jane @ 12:27 pm |

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