18 June 2006

Get rich quick

1. Print note out on your printer.
2. Roll note up
3. Snort large line of coke
4. Unroll note and lick residue off
5. Take note to your bank and swap for local currency
6. Repeat until you are rich

You're welcome.


MJ said...

Yay! I'm first!
Off to the bank now.

BEAST said...

YAY I was nearly first.....if at first you dont succeed lower your expectations.Does this work if you draw the note by hand ????
I dont have a printer and I am also not very good at drawing..am I going to be poor for life????

Die Muräne said...

Sorry guys. But I was first! I'm always first. Believe me: You never could be any "firster" then me.

I just didn't comment, am a little shy, you know...

and beast, there is no problem if you haven't got a printer. Just take your screen to the bank. They'll pay you out.

Wow, great, I think I will buy a new face with the money!

jungle jane said...

*patiently sits waiting for the socceroo/brazil kickoff at 2:00 bloody a.m.

Make sure you use a different bank for each note you change, yeah?

oh fuck the note. just chop the lines. the money will take care of itself

Die Murane:
you don't need a new face - i saw your sexy hottie pictures. shy? huh! we'll see about that!

Brookelina said...

You supply the coke?

jungle jane said...

Brooke yes of course silly. although it costs you $66 per line. A bargain, yeah?

i am TOTALLY not making a dime out of this. it's ENTIRELY just so that you can all get rich.

um oh yes...one small point....i don't take JJ Dollars as payment for the coke. only British pounds.

Jozee said...

Good idea Janey, with white powder all over your face the teller will never notice it's you and not good old Ben.
You're much prettier anyway.

jungle jane said...

Jozee who is Ben? I know not of any Ben. Whoever Ben is, i am sure he snorts coke. If he doesn't - well hell he will never appear on a dollar note.

Die Muräne said...

yep, the soccero could win today. i haven't seen a weeker team of brazil for a long time. need some coke as well this dudes.
anyway, we will have a good time down on the river where they have a 25 m2 screen... hehehe, must go then...

awaiting said...

Another get rich quick...do I send the $49.99 enrollment fee to you, dear JJ?

PDD said...

I have no job. What else am I going to do?

Adam said...

excellent you have just helped solve some minor finacial issues for me.
You make bills fun!

Denny Shane said...

Jane! You know that's illegal! You just want me to do it so I can write to you about how much fun uummm... Olga and I are having! ;)

josh williams said...

I had this idea some time ago, but I used nickles dimes and quarters. I'll try your approach, never being one to recognize and idea better than my own. Thanks Jane! JW Getty

Anonymous said...

Ben did in fact snort coke. He also wanted to make our national bird the turkey. Proof enough?

Could you make some Janey pounds too? I don't think they'd think me quite right in the head if I took this to the bank and asked for local currency. Either that or they'd give me a bunch of stolen hard drives.

~d said...

PDD if this really IS a get rich quick plan-I can supply the dollars if you can help me snort the coke and lick the bills...

Jane HURRAH! I am 16th!

barman said...

So let me see if I have his right. Make lines of coke, roll the money, snort the coke and then lick Jane all over and finally exchange money at bank. I am not sure it will work but I am game.

Qenny said...

Erm ... presumably if the coke gets taken out of the picture then one is in serious danger of really, really getting rich? Rather than just having the trappings of richness. Like a missing septum?

BEAST said...

feck Jane I sneezed....sorry

fingers said...

I've had 146 lines in the last two hours and still no buzz on.
I think my coke is counterfeit...

Tickersoid said...

I like the coke Idea.

'Things go better with coke'

I like 'diet' myself.

Sheri said...

I was going to make the comment that you should use a different bank for each 'transaction' I may have some difficulty in the exchange seeing as I live Canada, and it may look suspicious that I am keep exchanging American money ALL of the time with traces of Coke on it.

But hell, I'll give it a go.

Jane, what would we do without you?

~d said...

I have heard adderall reffered to as diet coke...is this the one you prefer?

ChickyBabe said...

Why hasn't anyone mentioned something about licking residue off JJ's face?

world champ stephen neal said...

Who knew it could be so simple? However, I have trouble with the last few steps. I usually eat the printed bill after step # 4.

Mone said...

Hi JJ, not a chance to get any coke over here. So I rolled up the bills and used them as a straw sipping good old Jack Daniels.
I remembered to like your face afterwards, leaving a strange feeling on my tounge.

ps: Did you know that banks don't take wett bills? I was like what the fuck are you talking about? Well, they were going to call the cops, so I left and put the money into the dryer. The bills dont look to good anymore :(

Mone said...

lick your face, damnit!

Egan said...

This feels vaguely familiar. I'm not falling for this stunt of yours. I tried the Janey flag thing and eggs were tossed at my car. (rubble rubble)

Vince said...

This is too complicated, I'm not good at rolling paper, and the last time I licked one I got a bloody paper cut. Isn't there an easier way to make money?

Toby said...

Jane, are you trying to cut back on your comment count? This will surely send a few of us to the clink resulting in exactly that.

Jozee said...

Good old Ben said , "Everything in moderation."

He also said, "Early to bed, early to rise- makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise."

Ben's dead now.

Zen Wizard said...

I don't know that much about modern cocaine prices, but it would seem that if the line was long enough, you would just be breaking even.

Anita said...

I tried this earlier this morning and, because you are hot the horny male bank teller noticed and threatned to throw me in jail unless I sucked him off in the loan center. I followed him into the room and, eyeing the office equipment prepared my plan. Coming toward me with his turgid member I distracted him by flashing my tits, grabbed a stapler and stapled his penis to the desk. I grabbed the bills and cooly ignored his Jane Curtis-type screaming as while casually strolling out the front door.

Anyhow just thought you'd like to know that your little scheme doesn't work in Atlanta.

Egan said...

Anita, my member hurts just thinking about the stapler incident. Yikes.

Hal said...

Chucky, you stole my thunder!

Hal said...

Oops, that should have been "Chicky."


Toby said...

Must have been a tiny turgid member for an itty bity office staple to firmly attach it to a desk.

BEAST said...

Oh Oh JJ look its our love chld tickersoid.....doesnt it make you proud....I am shaving me tongue ready for the licking

Blonde Vigilante said...

Only problem is...I the money to buy the coke. FUCK!!!

Anita said...

toby it was kind of small, but I stapled HARD!

It made me even angrier that he was so small, but he would have needed a pretty huge one for me to feel it anyway. My vagina's something of an abyss. In fact the last time I went to the ocean I accidentally caught a whale.

Toby said...

The details come out. You first said BJ, but it was really sex?

I hope you let the whale go. There's a shortage of them you know.

Anita said...

Oh. He said suck him off but I planned on just removing my pants and maybe he would get sucked into my vaginal abyss. But then I figured he deserved worse. It's quite comfy in there; I just put in a recliner. Sorry about the confusion.

Anita said...

Oh, and screw the whales. What do you think I am, some kind of environmentalist on a pink bike with a bell and a matching pink helmet that recycles and eats tofu and helps the homeless or some shit??? Fat chance, buddy - I'm an AMERICAN!

Toby said...

You must be butter because you're on a roll. What kind of recliner? You reminded me of I'm an Asshole by Dennis Leary.

Last Girl On Earth said...

Hey Jane, I found my way over here via Denny. Great God Almighty girl! You are a genius! I'll be back soon!


Erin O'Brien said...


A $100 bill that's worth five times that much.

Erin Love Jane.

Toby said...

I'm always reminded of good PBS shows. It must have been a NOVA about counterfiting. Some excellent artist drew $100 dollar bills but only the front and tried to pawn them for merchadiase at local Manhattan shops, but he wanted to get change back for his trade. Lots of shop owners turned him down, but he was succesful at a few. He traded his art, undicernable from a real $100 other than it being blank on the back, for merchandise and change.

If I was not clear, the guy did let everyone know it was only art he wanted to exchange.

jungle jane said...

Die Murane:
Careful you don’t fall in the river. There are large crocodiles in that river. And plus, your coke will get all soggy

Yes please – money to me. And do be quick please – this is a get rich quick scheme, not a get rich slow scheme. Oh and so small change either – just unmarked bills. It would be lovely if you could convert it into UK pounds while you are there too. Thank you.

My scheme is perfect for you – you will never have to work again. Just snort money. Let me know if you want some smaller bills – I am certain I can create $50 notes too. Its really easy peasy.

I pride myself on good housekeeping. This blog is not just entertainment – it’s good quality finanacial and lifestyle advice too. Look after the pennies adam and the dollars will look after you. That’s what my old mum used to say anyhow.

Okay okay I know snorting coke is illegal in some backwards countries but other than that my plan is entirely sound. Don’t worry too much Denny – I mean stealing beer from the local shop is also illegal but we all do that, right?

Its not that your plan is flawed or anything…it’s just that nickels are really hard to print out on your printer. They clog the wheels up and jam the tray. You stick with me Josh – I am quite happy to polish turd ideas and make us both rich. Send me all your money making schemes Josh. I SWEAR I will not profit from them. Just help you. Yes. That’s it.

This Ben dude doesn’t sound very clever. Who on earth would eat the bird that appears on your postage stamps? I mean you don’t see us British people eating the queen or anything daft. I cannot make pounds too – it would devalue our currency if everyone was running around cashing them in. Just US dollars. I hope you understand Sausage – I really don’t want to sink our national economy. Just yours.

jungle jane said...

16 is a really good number. Its my birthday for starters. Please send cake. And gifts.

If you dip me in the coke after you licked me it will be a bit like battered chicken. I don’t know if the bank swap battered chicken for hard cash. You can give it a go – I have to be worth at least $40 or so?

The coke is vital to this operation. It is important to support the economy of countries in South America so that they have money to develop their football teams to further entertain me at the world cup. This is for the good of the whole world Qenny – this is not just some idle selfish scheme on my part. Oath.

You little bitch! Right that’s it – next time you get flour instead of coke. And then watch me laugh when your nostrils get turned into flour glue. Your head will be like paper mache. Teach you to sneeze over the stash like that.

Ummmmm…I think you might have got the salt confused with the coke. I know this because I sprinkled the other bag over my pizza and now my mouth has gone numb and I lost my appetite. Oh well – easy mistake to make. I hope your nose doesn’t fall off. So sorry.

No I think the saying is ‘things go better with cock”. I am certain of that.

Yes that’s exactly why I recommend licking the residue off. You don’t want to go attracting unwanted suspicions or anything.

I think Tickers is confusing cock with coke. I dunno if there is such a thing as diet cock. Unless a diet cock is a very slim one??

Yes it seems as though we have to spoonfeed this lot. Not very resourceful, are they? Dunno why I have to do all the work around here….

Well that’s because you are a world champion and therefore have a hearty appetite. You world champion types need to keep your energy up so that you can wrestle things. It think you should write a blog post telling us what you consume in a day. I beg you.

Ah! You see now that is what I like to see – resourcefulness. Well done Mone – you are an inspiration and I think the nation’s children should all take notes. The world needs more ‘thinkers’ just like you. And as for the banks not accepting wet bills? Well. That’s ridiculous. I think Little Mr Bank Teller was just being lazy. The bastard. You should report him to his boss you know.

So jaded. So cynical. Its hardly my fault that you have an ugly car. You should be pleased they didn’t throw bricks. Really – you should be thanking me Egan. I mean it.

Thank you for the feedback and I am sorry my scheme is so overly complex. There is a far easier way – simply walk into a bank with a shotgun and start shooting. I was loathe to suggest that here on my blog though because I don’t condone violence and I do believe people should work for their money. The paper cuts are a small price to pay for your financial freedom, hmmmm?

I shouldn’t have to remind you that it is perfectly possibly to blog from jail. In fact I once had a blogging buddy who was in jail part time. I am certain it is possible.

Ben sounds lame – like one of those guys who doesn’t drink or smoke and does heaps of exercise. Then drops dead from heart failure. I know his type – I avoid them where possible.

I am not buying the coke too. I supplied the money. The least you lot can do is give me a share of the profit and a few lines of the good stuff?

I totally admire your resourcefulness. I hope you did all of this without getting a hair out of place? Mind you – if he was hot and horny you should have jumped his bones first and only after that applied the staple. Is all I’m sayin’.

Do you work in a bank??

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ChuckyBabe? I love that very much. From now on your will be ChuckyBabe – I can pretend to be a Kiwi…

I am certain it is far easier to staple flaccid members. Unless they have a foreskin? Then surely this is the bit one would staple down? Can one staple a foreskin on an erect member? Any volunteers willing to demonstrate?

Yes I am bursting with pride – our little boy is all grown up and loves cock. I am so proud.

Blonde Vigilante:
Yes I see the problem here. this is a flaw in my grand scheme. I guess the numbers aren’t adding up. Its an endless cycle of printing money and buying coke with it. dammit. Back to the drawing board.

You know there are laws against whaling. You should be ashamed anita. These lovely, gentle protected creatures are not just a snack for hungry Japanese. You should release the whale as Toby says. Maybe even have a little ceremony. Conducted in Japanese.

That recliner looks very comfortable. I wonder if Anita would add a double bed too – I am quite tired and fancy a little snooze somewhere warm, dark and fleshy. Come on everyone PARTY IN ANITA’S VAGINA! EVERYONE BRING YOUR OWN BOOZE…

Welcome!! It’s a party over here today – you visited at exactly the right time! Plenty of booze too – just mind you don’t trip over the whale!

jungle jane said...

and if you print out 10 of them, you get 10 times the value! Sheer brilliance on my part!

oh that's pretty clever. so i just need to tell everyone that my bills are art and none of us will go to jail? i hope the coke dealers also see the fun side to all of this!

awaiting said...

Alrighty then.....money is in the mail.

I can't wait to be rich!!

*runs off to buy new house, car and hottub*

gav said...

I ingest cocaine up my ass, so I have little use for your note JJ.

Any possibility of a JJ themed turkey-baster?

wallycrawler said...

I use to do that all the time . Make money , snort coke , make , money , snort coke ... Funny thing I never got rich .

jungle jane said...

Get a new car and a telly and a couple of hot strippers. i am coming over to share your fortune

in that case you might be interested in the art of felching. it still requires a rolled up note. you need me, gav. you do.

fuck. i dunno why. i am doing the math and i cannot figure it out. keep trying wally - you can do this

Polyman2 said...

Help! I need someone to come to NY and bail me out. Damn banks are too smart.