05 January 2006

C.W.W

Because I am very busy and important and hold a position of high ranking in the jungle I feel that it is time that I got my own family crest.

It is with much pride and not a small degree of emotion that I present to the world for the very first time my new coat of arms, Cunt With Wings. See how she soars. Note how the diamond in her piercing sparkles. Observe how she sits slightly skew because I don’t know how the rotate button works in Photoshop.

Now although I have recently taken to calling my vagina Narnia, my logo will not succumb to cheap commercialism, oh no. She will simply be referred to as CWW. She will adorn my stationery, my made-to-order toilet paper, my company invoices and a small silver necklace I intend having crafted to match.

In honour of the unveiling of my new heraldry and in line with christening methods employed in the shipping industry I urge you all to purchase a bottle of champagne and break it against your computer monitors. Thank you.

52 comments:

Henri Banks said...

I think i gonna make a tshirt with your logo on it
and start here in germany a jj vagina club .I also got the titel of your first book "The Vagina Memory"

ing said...

That is one sparkly diamond, General Jane. The gem and everything that surrounds it truly encapsulates the true meaning of the phrase "a girl's best friend." But by all means if you intend to wear it out on the town, don't grow a long beard. One of those Aussies might mistake the beard for a tail and lift. . .

Henri Banks said...

Jane of the Jungle The merch is ready just visit my blog and you will see ;-)

jungle jane said...

Henri that is the funniest thing i have EVER seen. i love the t-shirt. i want one too. My cunt looks FANTASTIC on your chest....

General Ing notice that CWW is bald for that very reason. A wise zulu once said (and i verify the advice) ALWAYS remove your piercing before you go to get waxed...

ing said...

Another wise zulu added that those ladies susceptible to catching colds should go easy on the depilatory practices. Otherwise, wear lots of sunscreen.

wallycrawler said...

Oh No ! Not another one with wings . My ex had one with wings and dat dam thing got all messy fly'n around out dare , when it came back I barely could reconize it . I have a word of warning don't fly around Las Vegas . Dat winged who-who got really sloppy down dare .

ing said...

I prefer the ones with wings -- they stay attached to the panties and prevent leaks. But I can see how the flying menstrual pad would create a mess and a real distraction when one is trying to focus on their poker hand.

jungle jane said...

jesus. flying menstrual pads. Ing. Wally. Go wash your mouths out the pair of you!

ing said...

Will do.

Jazzy Justin said...

THAT is a crest worth being proud of. Hilarious!

wallycrawler said...

Hey Ing we grossed out Double J. "nice job" !

ing said...

Woo!
(I just love that word.)

YellowSock said...

I want the tee shirt too!

It's quite the lovely crest. Your family should be proud!

jungle jane said...

Justin i will wear my CWW with pride!

Wally. Ing. that's it. you're both grounded.

Sausage i want the T-shirt too, except we won't pussy about calling it the Vagina Club - Cunt Club has a much nicer ring to it. pardon the pun.

YellowSock said...

Yes yes! Cunt Club is so fitting and gives me giggles.

I want to be able to tell people, "I know this cunt."

jungle jane said...

Happy Birthday Sausage! May you have much as much sausage as you could possibly swallow...

YellowSock said...

Actually going out for some raw fish with my sweetie. My favorite are tuna and eel, so not ironic.

Here's blowing hot wax from my birthday candle on you! (That's supposed to be a thank you and meant in the kindest way.)

Die Muräne said...

"Ring of N" would sound more mysterious.
brrrr, scarry.

Tumbleweed said...

I like the word twat versus cunt, it is more distinctive. (Twat Association)
I like the logo Jane, it is creative and funny. When you are ready to have it cleaned up and make that diamond sparkle let me know! he he I am sure you want your cunt to fly straight or you may never know where you'll end up. Scary! You are so cool! HUGS

ticharu said...

TTTHe chammmmmpagnnne gggggott alll inn thee keeeeeyboarrd, dddaamnnittt jaaaannee!!!!

jungle jane said...

Sausage:
No, you keep the wax, birthday girl. i insist..

Die Murane:
I don't wish to commercialise my vagina. unlike the other, less humorous Narnia

Tumbleweed:
I am DEEPLY flattered that you like my logo and i would be happy for you to clean up my CWW. Yes at the moment it does appear to be flying around in circles aimlessly. very symbolic...

Ticharu:
Crap, did i just make you sneeze champagne. god i hate it when that happens...

crabcake said...

It just brings a tear to my eye to see this kind of talent. I'll have one of those shirts too. (sniff)

Damn. I wish I'd thought of this.

wallycrawler said...

Hey Sausage my ex waxed her winged pussy . Made the CWW nice and smooth .

YellowSock said...

That was one of my birds I intended to kill wally...

Oh most feminine Jane? I see a follow up book (After "Tampons" sells out world wide and you win a Pulitzer)...

"Sanitary Napkins"

josh williams said...

Strong Work!

drunkbh said...

Love it!

MilkMaid said...

My goodness, a flying peachka.

jungle jane said...

Crabcake:
That's what i thought when i saw your Honey/Lou Reed blog. i got Post Envy

Wally:
Nice and smooth for 3 days. Ouchie itchy after that

Sausage i see more than a book. Look at how huge Narnia is. no, i see a movie. and merchandising. I already have the shirt...

Josh, I bet you are pleased to have someone as strong as I as one of your generals?

thanks bh! i love my Narnia too!

No ordinary flying peachka, Milky. This one oozes symbollism...

kellywalters said...

heheh.. thats hot.

I want one. can I be included into your family?

jungle jane said...

Roxi my cunt welcomes you with open wings...

ing said...

I'm so proud that you earned your wings, Jane. I understand the symbolism there, and you know, sometimes it's great to flit around for a while. (That's my take, anyway.)

josh williams said...

Jane/ing/ Roxi yes Roxi is a general now. I like strong woman who like crack pot ideas. eeerr What I meant to say is I like women who like great scientfic ideas and are willing to work to prove ... what I am trying to prove. First thing on the marrow I will approach the ladies in my family and axe them if we can adopt the same family crest! I go be now. Someone I think may have put beer in my Mexican food. JW
PS: Roscoe I know you are there, can we stop the charade!

Mike said...

Can anyone tell me what is going on in blogsville today/tonight? Some very cool bloggers are MIA. I know you guys are on a top secret mission. Let me know if there is anything I can do. I am good at causing diversions!

FLAMINGO1 said...

Did Crab say she was going to sniff it? Is the shirt one of those scratch and sniff things?

I think I want one too.

Johnny Menace said...

you should but the J's on the wings.

kellywalters said...

Fucking awsome!

ohhh.. and I am a general now.

jungle jane said...

Ing:
i appear to be very good at flitting

Josh:
let me know how the women in your family reacted to the logo. if you head is still attached to your shoulders that is

mike:
not sure what's going on - strange days indeed

flamingo:
Crabby is far too busy trying to look like Honeyhive to sniff my CWW

Johnny it would look tattoed and that's just plain wrong...

General Roxi you climbed the ranks so swiftly!! Did you sleep your way to the top like i did??

josh williams said...

My new family crest! Thanks Gotta go lots of action. More later. JW

jungle jane said...

Josh do me, Ing and Roxi have to salute each other, or will a nod suffice? please advise.

The Seeker said...

As great as that is, I can't waste good bubbles by breaking it on the 'puter. I shall raise my glass to you and your new logo though.

St. Francis said...

You need to accept yourself for who you are and stop trying to escape your life by masturbating wildly and sticking E up your ass.

ing said...

st. francis, take a good hard look in the mirror, man.

Calzone said...

Sorry I haven't been around Betty. As you know I kind of went off my head and shit.

At this point it seems I have almost no hope of eating off anyones ass

YellowSock said...

I'll sell you some of the things I've retrieved from people's asses if you become desparate Calzone. (I'm keeping the nunchucks and the photo of Tony Danza though.)

josh williams said...

A nod will suffice. Your all partners now or you dont win the cruise ship...Yep reality TV has hit the blog world, just when you thought it was safe to sit naked and unbathed in front of your monitor. Roscoe will pick you up soon to shuttle you to the ship. JWW

small print, Roscoe and I are not scientests and are kinda making this up as we go, so the rules are kinda like that Einstein fella's theory of warped space...and stuff. Keep this under your hat I dont want the rest of the crew in the project (nearly 7,000!) to loose moral.

Jazzy Justin said...

Wow, here I am...back, looking for your next post. Perhaps a photo of the tattoo freshly inked on your back/thigh/butt/crotch?

I know it was centuries ago, but I love your pornogami post. I used to belong to an origami club (yes, sad isn't it), and now I'd love to go back and introduce them all to pornogami and tell them to get out more.

Erin O'Brien said...

Touching. Beautiful. Poignant. (Although I've always been little leary of those nether piercings.)

May your new crest serve you well. I daresay it shall do so singularly.

jungle jane said...

Seeker:
Hang the expense! Break the bottle - you know you want to!

St Francis:
you're a cock. you really don't expect that i would swallow my pills orally do you?

Ing:
block your ears - the mirror is likely to spray everywhere as it shatters

Calzone:
I hear you dude

Sausage:
i want you to give me my cat back. I don't know how it got up my arse but i want it back now

Josh:
i look forward to meeting 7,000 people with "loose morals"

Justin:
your wish i my command. a new post will be yours within minutes:-) i ADORE pornogami - i have just mastered the art of paper handcuffs. i really really want to fold that ever elusive vagina though...

Erin:
Welcome! Touching is a very fitting adjectice for my Narnia!

YellowSock said...

Free for you, darling Jane!

jungle jane said...

it's my fugging cat, sausage. do not dare try and sell me my own cat that very very mysteriously found himself up my butt with you equally mysteriously being on hand to retrieve him. I smell a cat! no no - a rat! whatever....

kellywalters said...

hmmmmmmmmmmmm I get to meet 7000 people with loose morals too!

Hal said...

Here's a fun thing you could do. Take that CWW stationary, and write, "Could You Not Talk," on it, and give it to someone who is really pissing you off.