16 January 2006

post-christmas sales

Not only am I utterly broke due to the stupid price of cocaine but I also need drug money for a very hip party on Thursday night to celebrate 50 years of trans-sexual surgery in Australia.

I therefore need to sell some of my personal property and as such I hereby offer to the highest bidder my grandmother and a black & white cat.

The two items can be purchased together or separately and both come with cute-yet-functional accessories – you don’t need to spend a single additional cent on them other than food and vet bills moving forward. Granny needs less flea powder than the cat but the cat doesn’t smell like mould so they both have their pros and cons. Should you buy them both as a package deal I will, of course, provide a 10% discount.

My Granny is 94 and somewhat incontinent but she is very useful for holding balls of wool while you knit. If you don’t knit you might be able to use her as a door stop or a scarecrow. The cat is quite old but his left eye is still good. He either has kidney failure or bowel failure – whatever it is it’s runny and reddy brown-ish – but he still rocks when it comes to washing his bum and making the dog next door hysterical.

I am happy to post pictures of both beasts.

The sale will start right now and will last for 48 hours. Please post your best offer here and indicate how you intend paying. I accept cocaine, direct money transfer or guns that I can sell to gangsters for cash. Monthly instalments can be negotiated. I will ship each item wrapped in bubble wrap but please note that I do not accept liability during transit.

Thank you for your interest. Together we will make the world a better place.
posted by jungle jane @ 11:06 am |

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