29 January 2006

hedgehogs


hedgehog 1 doggy 0

  • Hedgehogs live for up to six years. They are 20 - 30 cm long and weigh on average the same as a very large block of hashish - around 700g. They feast on slugs, snails, caterpillars, beetles, earthworms, birds' eggs, frogs and snakes. They have up to 500 quills on their backs with their face, tail, belly and legs covered in soft fur
  • A 'gutted hedgehog' is an amusing name for a vagina
  • Hedgehogs are lazy cunts. They sleep all day and and then hibernate all winter
  • There are no indigenous species of hedgehog in North America or Australia. There are also no indigenous white people in either country, but most hedgehogs are too polite to point that out on their blogs.
  • Hedgehog Humour exists amongst the hedgehog enthusiasts community. An example hedgehog quip: “unlike a Ferrari, hedgehogs have their pricks on the outside”. It is unclear as to whether porcupine enthusiasts use the same joke.
  • Hedgehogs are considered sacred in China. Cats are not so fortunate.
  • One of Europe’s top selling potato chips claimed to be “hedgehog flavour”. Angry hedgehog lovers eventually forced Hedgehog Foods Ltd to reveal that in fact they were flavoured with pig fat. It is interesting to note that pig supporters did not squeal at this. This anomaly can also be observed in the fishing industry whereby dolphin supporters elicit large amounts of sympathy at the suggestion that dolphin is found in tinned tuna, yet tuna fish supporters remain notably silent.
  • Hedgehogs are becoming increasingly common chocolate snacks at easter time. It is confusing as to what role they play in the crucifixion of christ as they are not specifically mentioned in the bible.
  • In South Africa it is considered hilarious to half pull two matches out of a matchbox to mimic an aerial and then to whisper urgently into the matchbox “calling all hedgehogs, calling all hedgehogs”. The origin of this nonsensical lark is unknown, however the author has done this more than 50 times and verifies that it is amusing.
  • Although anyone that has been impaled by hedgehog quills will swear that the animal is the windshield, when it comes to tarmac the hedgehog is in fact the bug. Traffic accidents account for 80% of injuries in rescue centres in the UK. If you do hit a hedgehog, follow this link for an awesome roadkill recipes
  • It is unlikely has been conclusively proven that Josh Williams would be able to find a Tom Waits song that mentions these prickly little critters
  • mr dna is *very knowledgeable * (don't ask) about porn star Ron Jeremy. He informs me that Ron is also known as "The Hedgehog"
posted by jungle jane @ 8:43 pm |

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