16 February 2006

snot

I do love picking my nose!

I am not a daily picker - unfortunately I am not really much of a mucus-forming person. I would say that I muster up a bloody good pick at least once a week on average although in summer that increases to as much as one every second day on a good week.

I have never consumed my nasal phlegm but I would certainly be interested in doing so some day. I often wonder if - like the taste of semen - the taste alters depending on what you have eaten. If so, I will NEVER consume asparagus and then eat my snot!

Like all pranksters I have of course deliberately performed a pick and then waved the contents at horrified onlookers just for kicks. I then usually chuckle and re-assure them that I am just changing my mind manually. I am not entirely sure why everyone is so grossed out by snot – its not as if I am wiping my arse with my hand and then licking it.


On average I estimate that I spend between 1-3 minutes per pick. So 5 minutes a week is really not a lot to spare for something that gives me so much joy. And because I use my finger rather than those freaks who use pens and such I can happily report that I have never had a nosebleed. I certainly am not one of those silly sods that have perforated their nasal septums.

Now although my nose picking is largely for sport and recreational purposes I do sometimes unburden myself simply to unclog my nasal passages or relieve discomfort and itchiness. on these occasions I tend to opt for blowing into a tissue though. Go figure!

Call me weird but I always tend to use the index finger of my right hand – I simply cannot get enjoyment from any other finger except in emergencies when I use my pinky finger. I find that my bounty is altogether less fruitful using my left hand too. I think it’s a bit like masturbating – I never use my left hand for that either.

So I guess you all want to know how I dispose of my rich pickings, right? Well this is where it just gets plain fucking bizarre. Snot disposal forms a large part of my ritual pleasure. I have been known to go to the loo at work, perform a pick and then return to my workplace and smear the results onto someone else’s property. Their chair for example. Or their computer. Or a notebook. I like to watch their reactions or even lack of reactions – sometimes it pleases me more when they don’t notice.

Anyhow. Have a great day.

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose
but you can't wipe your friends under the sofa.

81 comments:

Leilouta said...

Ewwwwwwww!!!No wonder you got no comment on this one:)

Denny Shane said...

well... ummmm... I did ask for a new post didn't I... I have said in the past I would do anything for girls that I love... and I have done a lot... but disposing of their boogers is... well, something I would not do.

It is kinda cute however to watch a really, absolutely stunningly beautiful girl pull out a huge mucusy one after digging around for an hour, look at it admiringly, then pop it into her mouth, chew a bit and let is slide down her throat.

Mike said...

LOL, I thought that I was the only one! I love the picking of the nose!

wallycrawler said...

I told the story of da girl who picked her nose with a pencil . I think I posted it yesterday on someones blog ? Ahh who cares ! Anyhoo dis girl used to sit in front of me in grade 4 . She would pick her nose with a pencil & eat the eraser . I guess the mixture of rubber and snot was tasty ? One morning she she perticulary work'n da "un crayon" rather sharply when...Whosh , blood everywhere! The blood was shooting out her clinched fingers around her face . The teacher ran her out of the room. There was a crimson tide from the class room to the wash room , then to the nurses office . I guess she ruptured a blood vessel ? The very next week she was at it again ! That was one sick puppy !

wallycrawler said...

I think snot tastes like the air you breath . If ya live in da city it probably tastes like shit ! So if your gonna eat it wait till ya've done a ton of coke ! Hey maybe ya could sell it on the streets as crack ?

Me said...

yep, you rock. I'm just sayin.
I am seriously glad I don't work with you though. My own boogers on my stuff is fine. Someone else smearing the contents of their snot locker on my things? Well, no.

jungle jane said...

Leilouta:
my blog was starting to go soft. bring back the old jane, i thought...

denny:
oh do feel free to request a new post whenever you want. next time i might discuss my bowel movements.

mike:
hey we should trade photos!

wally:
my point exactly! these dummies that use foreign objects! gawd - nostrils and fingers were made for each other!

i like the coke idea - perhaps that will be my first forray into chewing bogies

Meredith:
oh you can relax. i only do it to people i dislike...

Steph said...

Oh fuck Jane. You do realise i'm sitting here eating a cream cheese sanga? FFS woman!! I'm going off to hock up the contents of my brain. And yes it would emerge easily out of my nostril thanksverymuch.

josh williams said...

As WC Fields said "I wish I had her nose full of nickles". Me I pick and try not to get caught, I also have to groom my nose hairs so as to slow down the infestation of bats in the cave.
As for phlegm I think an average person drains about a quart of fluid (small liter) into their stomachs from their sinus's, this is a healthy person. Say you have a sinus infection its closer to 3 quarts, hence the stomach ache. So if you have a sinus infection drink lots of fluids and try not to think of all the snot draining directly into your stomach.

gav said...

A mate of mine takes great pleasure in rolling them up into a ball and flicking them at you when you're driving. Makes hitting him difficult.

Jerry said...

booger talk makes me gag...let us move to something a bit more civilized like panty sniffing...what do you say Jane?

Hal said...

Jane, you sound like you're proud of that.

Well, you should be. I feel honored to have read this post.

matty said...

It's been a crazed day so I am only now getting my Jungle Jane fix! You know, celery is great for the improvement of love juice flavors for both men and women. However, I don't know that food would have an impact on your snot and booger flavor. However, I once knew this girl, Kristin, who -- like me -- had to stand in the "poor" kid line with the blue ticket. (I stopped eating lunch during 2nd grade! No blue frickin' ticket for me!) ...anyway, her snot flavor may have been altered because she was able to sniff jello up her nose, have it come out of her mouth, then put it in her mouth, snort and have it come out of her nose again! I was endlessly amused by Kristin's antics.

...then, in 3rd grade I double dared her to do it with mashed potatoes. ...an eager gal, she gave it her best shot. ...um, it didn't go so well. She and I spent about an hour in the principals office where we were asked to "think about what we had done" ...my mom got called, tho because I kept insisting that all I had done was ask her to do it and I didn't see the big deal.

Teachers never cared much for me, but my friends loved me! Even Kristin. With whom I danced at the prom. ...she threatened to kick my in the balls if I mentioned our elementary school adventures ever again. ...which, of course, I had to do once I made it over to the spiked punch bowl. In the end, she didn't kick me or anything.

I forget my point here, but I can't pick my nose. There is never anything in there to pick at. I do however pluck hairs now that I am into my late 30's. ...well, ok. my last year of being in my 30's. I don't enjoy this. It hurts.

I do, however bite my nails. A new habit I've picked up since I've been unemployed. I've noticed that they taste a bit different after a ride on public transit.

Jungle Jane, you remain my hero! Rock it on!

Captain Carl said...

Arrrr......Sea Boogs are the worst. They start off soft and then harden to little rocks cutting the inside of yer nose. Then they be cutting it up makin ya bleed. But because the Capt consumes so much rum, his blood is like pure alcohol. So when I pick them, I light them on fire, thus creating.......The Flamin Boog.
Ever had a Flamin boog flicked at ya......T'aint pretty...

jungle jane said...

Steph:
how interesting! it never occured to me to pick sandwiches out my nose! i must give that a go!

Josh:
you should come out the closet and pick publicly. you will find it so liberating - i am sure your sinuses yield pure gold!

Gav:
you should try flicking them back! like a food fight, only with snot!

Jerry:
well the japanese sell panties in vending machines. maybe i can try selling my boogers??

Matty:
Kristin is my hero! i can only but aspire to one day being as dextrous as she is with Jello. its so good to have goals. i think Kristin should start a blog.

Hal:
well i like to be modest in my achievements. i am glad my blog post added a glorious new dimension to your life.

Cappy:
i have had a flaming Sambucca. it sounds similar, except you don't get drunk from snot. you can get high off them if they are crusted with cocaine though!

Fuckkit said...

Nowt more satisfying than pulling a large crusty one out of your snotter.
Apart from having a colossal shit.

Denny Shane said...

JJ? bowel movements? only if there are action pics to go with it! lol

jungle jane said...

fuckit:
wanking is satisfying too. um and so is praying to the lord and stroking kittens.

Denny:
now look here Denny - this post is ENTIRELY your fault. do you really want a pan full of poo to be haunting your dreams too?

Denny Shane said...

my fault? I guess I should be careful what I ask for, huh? lol

DorianGray1854 said...

Do you usualy put your snots on the property of someone you hate or will any random person do? Or do you have a specific collection going on one certain persons property and if so do you dislike them.

Polyman2 said...

Ah, the sport of chasing the elusive sinus oyster- how grand!
I'm all for nose picking olympics.

honkeie2 said...

HAHAHAHA, I love to stare at ppl that pick and drive. They always have the weridest looks on their faces lol

josh williams said...

If I am ever interviewed by the TV people after a natural disaster, I will pick my nose with abandon.

Mongrel Porksword said...

Jane,

I can personally vouch for you re: wanking.

Jay said...

I love that you can write about this, but I also love that I cannot read about it!!

Toby said...

Ever mail your boogers to anyone?

kellywalters said...

hehhehheheheheheheheheheh..

I dont know why but that just made you fucking hot in my eyes.

I think you deseve a booger award.

I'm mailing it today

Zen Wizard said...

I find your bodily fluids--and the discussion and analysis thereof--strangely arousing...

Jesus Toast said...

I think I like picking anything in general, not just my nose; scabs, hangnjails, blisters, peeling skin from sunburn. I'm just a picker.

Anonymous said...

I find that the nail on the little finger provides a satisfying ice-cream-like scoop.

jungle jane said...

Denny:
Unless you specifically want to read about snot:-)

Dorian:
Oh no, anyone will do. Of course my choice is someone I hate but it always seems like such a waste to throw a good booger away. You know?

Polyman:
If we were in school and I was picking the team I would DEFINITELLY pick you first

Honkeie
Do you ever pick at the same time and challenge them with the size? You should you know.

Josh:
Will you name a booger after me? I beg you…

Mongrel:
Um. Have you watched me wanking? Wow. How weird. Its normally me who is spying on others….

Miss Jay:
Well you know I think its nice that I can discuss my hobbies with other bloggers. I might also do a video.

Toby:
Well no. not yet. I would like to do so though. Please send me your address.

Roxi:
Mate. I am honored. Its not often that us 40 year olds get accused of being hot. Jees – wait til I tell you lot about that trick I can do with my vaginal muscles and a can of baked beans.

Zen:
I find your flash arousing. I would like to remove your tie and gag you with it.

Jesus toast
I like to pick too. I deliberately get sunburnt so that I can peel the layers off. Doe that make us weird or do we just have an odd hobby? I hope it makes us weird!!

Lady Muck:
Interesting – so that means you like to take small, precise scoopfuls unlike me who simply dives in and goes for gold??

Denny Shane said...

JJ, I think you have found your following with this post.

PDD said...

My husband's rich picks are disposed on my coffee cups. And he's got slimey chunkers.

As long as you don't pick your ass and then sniff your hands, you're okay.

Erin O'Brien said...

Jane, darling, let's get together and pick each other's noses.

jungle jane said...

Denny:
any requests for my next post??

PDD:
your husband sounds very well adjusted. i like him. we play by the same rules...

Erin:
Um. Okay. That sounds like fun...

The Taker of Gist said...

Oh, what the Gist...?!

wallycrawler said...

Got any of dat coke snot yet ? I just did my last gram of "Green Velvet" ?

The Taker of Gist said...

I cannot accept Gist that is in mucus form!

Yeeeearrrrrgggghhhh!

The Taker of Gist said...

And now, I will instruct you in the way to make you Blogger navbar more grainy!

<style>
#b-navbar {background:url('http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v701/Artiki/Roboshrubish/timages/navBack2.png') repeat;}
#b-search {background:url('http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v701/Artiki/Roboshrubish/timages/navBack1.png') repeat;}
</style>

If you insert that into your blog template after the </head> but before the <body>, it should work like a charm.

To see what it looks like, take a look at the navbar on this blog!

jungle jane said...

wally:
dammit dude i could do with some of your coke snot. can you lend a hand to a brother here?

Gist:
hang on - i thought it was jizm you didn't like in mucus form. i have a whole jar full of snot i was just about to email to you...

The Taker of Gist said...

Well that didn't come out as expected.

The Taker of Gist said...

Actually, if you click and drag from one end to the other, it copies it perfectly.

Bloodgood said...

I rode my scoot to work today and it was freezing. I looked at myself in the window on my way in and had snot running down my upper lip, so I wiped it on my glove.

Anonymous said...

I'm an eater. Yup, proud of it too. I'll never starve.

matty said...

You know what I can't get into? Biting toe nails. Now, the sucking of toes is quite sensual. ...but I just don't get people who bite their own toenails. Seems somehow -- 'wrong'

I bought a pair of "vintage" jeans at this thrift shop. I'm wearing them now. I think they make my ass look like a bubble. So, I suspect I just might be hot in these jeans. ...the shirt, however, is a different matter.

jungle jane said...

Gist:
I dedicate my blogger bar to you. it will be our dirty little secret. i would like it very much if you turn it grainy green.

bloodgood:
its interesting that the snot didn't freeze up, don't you think? i guess you can always return to your sleeve later for a tasty mid afternoon snack??

Sausage:
we should swap recipes sometime! i am glad to see you eat more than that rabbit on your blog...

matty:
you know what? your arse is SO much more than a bubble. its a bitable chewable piece of salmon sushi to me. if i was a gay man i would SO nail you in a heartbeat.

i mean i would hope i lasted longer than a heartbeat....awwww forget it - i try so hard to be romantic then i go make a great big hash of it...

Zen Wizard said...

Bad memories of Louisiana State?

A Cajun did you wrong???

jungle jane said...

Louisiana! Damn i love that place! Of course you probably already know that it has been governed under 10 different flags beginning in 1541 with Hernando de Soto's claim of the region for Spain??

Denny Shane said...

hey JJ... I'm impressed... how about Texas now? ;)

The Taker of Gist said...

Coincidentally, I made a grainy green thingey a while ago.

Just replace the part that says:

"blue1.gif" with "green_back_1.png"

And

"blue2.gif" with "green_back_2.png"

Leaving out the quote marks, of course.

And it might be a tad too bright. I can easily tone it down, if that be your w-yaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgh!

Ninjas!

The Taker of Gist said...

Wait...

I mean,

"navBack2.png" and "navBack1.png"

Those are the ones that should be replaced.

The blue stuff was for... never... what?

The Taker of Gist said...

Also, if you want to get rid of that pesky flag button on your navbar, you can do so via this article.

jungle jane said...

holy mother of god. that is truly quite awful...

jungle jane said...

Denny:
I love Texas too! You will be impressed to hear that Texas was annexed to the United States as the 28th state on December 29, 1845. Previously to that in 1836, five sites served as temporary capitals of Texas (Washington-on-the-Brazos, Harrisburg, Galveston, Velasco and Columbia) before Sam Houston moved the capital to Houston in 1837. In 1839, the capital was moved to the new town of Austin.

what about that huh?

morbid misanthrope said...

I used to know a fellow who would snot rocket all over people just because he thought it was funny. Then he got a girlfriend and turned into a prissy bitch. Shame.

josh williams said...

Jane you asked me to name a booger after you and I have. I call it Jane, and keep it in a match box labled "Jane" in my freezer per you instructions. What next?

Mongrel Porksword said...

Boogers are very stimulating. Keep talking about them.

Denny Shane said...

wow JJ... your knowledge has me totally impressed. Reading you is almost as good as readting an encyclopedia. ;)

The Taker of Gist said...

I fired off an angry letter to blogger a couple of months ago about how they should have more colors for the navbar.

Then I just got tired and started watching the T.V.

So... tired... ... ... Gist!

Toby said...

Okay, Jane.

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

ticharu said...

My finger got stuck up there once, you know, I just rounded the corner and couldn't get it back. I finally had to cut it off. It's just part of my head now!

ticharu said...

I just pushed the bloody finger further up in there, Now that side of my nose oozes yellow and green.

Zen Wizard said...

I thought maybe you didn't like Louisiana so you wanted to strangle me with my LSU tie.

And the varied flags that it has been under is what makes the food so good, but whatever, now I know it's not the tie and just me.

(I wore it in a shameless bid for sympathy from the proctors at the California bar exam.)

The Taker of Gist said...

I'm not one for accusations, but the recent rumors that you've been currying favors with the members of the High Court really disturbs me.

Trading practices reach across continental lines, you know. Multinationalizn. Globalization. We just can't compete on such a wide scale.

Denny Shane said...

ok there JJ... now you're resting on your laurels. This posting is lemme see ... 2 days old. When can we aodring fans, yes I said it dammit... adoring fans expect a new, fresh piece... not that your pieces are unfresh mind you... oh you know what I mean! ;)

Toby said...

Here comes the bowel movement.

jungle jane said...

Morbid:
I HATE that. you know what, I am NEVER going to change. Never. It must means I will need to find a rude and sick boyfriend. Or possibly I might just have to corrupt someone. If the sex is good enough, surely they will do anything I ask??

Josh:
Nice. Okay. Now. with a very tiny pen I wan you to draw a face on it josh. If you are feeling creative and the booger is large, I am happy for you to give it a nice pair of tits.

Next, I want you to send me beer.

Mongrel:
It looks like you are about to secrete some mucus of your own. Let me know what else turns you on – I will get Denny to write a blog on it.

Denny:
Well yes – only I am FAR more amusing than the encyclopedia. And I have larger tits.

Gist:
Actually I am quite digging it for now. you should sleep easy knowing that you rescued one blogger from being ordinary.

So did blogger reply?

Toby:
Nice. Thank you. I googled it. heavens you have a large yard – do you mow your own lawn? And so many room! You would get QUITE lost in there! It seems as though I will be managing to send “the guy who has everything” a nice original gift though. Its on its way – look out for the mailman.

Tich:
Dude that was just plain dumb! Were it me, I would have rather cut my nose off. Not to spite my face though – more because I find my finger more useful than my nose.

Everyone else GO HERE to hear my vocals on Demons & Wizards – the most amazing collaboration the world has ever seen. Go and listen. I urge you!

Zen:
No no nothing of the sort. i wish to marry you for yourself, not your tie. The tie is just a bonus extra. I wonder if I should change my surname – what do you think of Jane W!z@Rd?

Gist:
Not true. I never borther currying favours – I prefer to bribe outright. Its far cleaner that way and no-one owes anyone else anything. Don’t you agree?

Denny:
Naw…too busy…I only post every few days. In the meantime go listen to me sing:-)

Toby:
Please explain why you are licking your lips at the thought??!!

Toby said...

I have a deaf gardner. He runs over everything with the mower. It's hysterical.


I don't know, All though I've never tried it, I have been told to eat shit before.

kellywalters said...

well I am honored to be in the presence of such a booger picker.

Tickersoid said...

This is the most bizzare thread I have ever read. 69 comments about boogers? I have to salute you. You've really hit on something.

Oh and Fuckkit, I'm with you on the booger and shit thing. When you feel the tension just fall form your body.

Lady muck. your right, there are times when you need a specialist tool. Very often the little finger is just the job.

The Taker of Gist said...

Actually, it was when they were giving that customer satisfation survey thing. I said that they needed some kind of polling feature, and more templates and colors for the navbar.

They probably got thousands of messages just like that.

jungle jane said...

Toby:
by the sounds of it i think your gardener may be blind rather than deaf, eh?

Try eating shit - do it. i betchya it tastes just like chicken!

Roxi:
oh the honour is all mine - its lovely to see that people still like me even though i may wipe not on their computer

steelworker:
Actually its debatable about whether its better to pick or shit. personally i think it may be a religious experience to do both simultaneously. or maybe that would be sensory overload, eh?

Gist:
it's kind of grown on me. it reminds me of snot. you know - its like the theme of the day. my top bar matches my post...

Captain Carl said...

ARRRRR......one time ay flicked a booger ta the ground, then ay fergot were it was and slipped and fell on it(T'be a big Booger).......that be truly humiliating in front of me crew............

Denny Shane said...

JJ... I am coming up with a new contest that you might want to consider! Check out today's blog! ;)

Toby said...

I knew you were going to say that, everyone does. It's the White House! Every employee, from the top dog all the way down to the bottom intern, turns a blind eye to any REAL concern.

I'll take pics, all though it will be a few months from now.

The Taker of Gist said...

Posts are made like toasts:

You gotta eat 'em before they cool. And they're always better with butter.

matty said...

Jungle Jane -- I was just exploring Meredith's blog (which is aweome) and I discoverd that you ride a motor bike. You are totally my hero!

I am too uncoordinated to drive a motorcycle. I was thinking of a bicycle but people on those get pelted with rocks and garbage in my hood.

jungle jane said...

Cappy:
you should have just killed any of your crew who laughed. it's what i always do

Denny:
A contest for a contest! nice one!

Toby:
you said "blind" eye. harharharhar. geddit?

Gist:
i don't write my posts under a grill though. so really i think they are quite different. i don't laugh at my toast either...unless it looks like jesus christ

Matty:
aye, indeed i am a biker. for some strange reason none of my friends wish to travel on the back. dunno why. i must just have very lame friends, eh??

jungle jane said...

So. If Denny turns on a light in Texas my room should illuminate in under a second?? Damn! that's neat!

PDD said...

Light travels 300,000 Km per second. And since Texas involves light everyday, I thought I should mention that.

Christi said...

Boogers are quite tasty.