02 March 2006

JaneyFlags

All this shit about burning flags over cartoons made me realise that there are not enough JaneyFlags about.



MAKE YOUR COUNTRY PROUD! MAKE A JANEYFLAG!


You will need:
1 x colour printer
1 x JaneyPic (right)

1 x craft scissors
1 x cocktail stick
1 x pot of glue to sniff
1 x pot of glue for flag


Directions:
Step 1:
Save your JaneyPic by right-clicking it and saving onto your desktop. Mac users, I’m fucked if I know how you do this – perhaps go to an internet cafĂ© and use a PC like the rest of the world?.

Step 2: Open the saved JaneyPic file, admire and worship my image for a few minutes and then print it out onto nice piece of white paper.

Step 3: Cut the printed image out carefully - mind you don't injure yourself with those craft scissors! Wrap the JaneyPic around the cocktail stick, glue it together and hold it firmly until dry. whilst are you standing about like a twat waiting the glue to dry sniff the other pot until you are high enough to be slightly crazy.

Step 4: Once completed you may either burn it, use it to decorate something or masturbate over it. If you chose to use it as a decoration please send me a picture and i will publish the best one. I would also like to see your masturbation pictures. thank you.















72 comments:

Captain Carl said...

Arrr.....that be wonderful darlin....ay fer surely will be doin this.........

Zen Wizard said...

I was wondering when you were going to wake up.

Thankfully, my Chuck Norris shrine has not sparked worldwide riots.

Perhaps due to fear of the Roundhouse Kick.

The Lady Muck said...

Hehe, what you want is janey knickers or nipple covers a la fuckkit (insanity prawn boy pants) or cappy...
I'll settle for a flag for now thou. Maybe I should branch out... Mucky condoms anyone? No? Mucky knickers? Nah has a nasty, er, ring to it... (hur)

Pixie Sprinkle said...

the only place i can think that this would be able to decorate is a steaming pile of dogshit but that might clash with the poster he already shat on...

FLAMINGO1 said...

I need a new printer cartridge...

I will pick that up tonight so that I can start working on my very own Jungle Jane flag.

I think I am going to use masturbation techniques to color in various parts of my Jungle Jane flag - sort of Dongley Schlongford Style.

Henri Banks said...

i try to masturbate and make a picture but its a hard deal its almost impossible :-(

Toby said...

Finally, something worth while to pledge my allegiance too.

jungle jane said...

Cappy:
i am so delighted. please make sure you stab Carla in the eye with it. After you have finished masturbating of course. Oh and could you make one for Dorian?

Zen:
Your chuck norris tribute is BEAUTIFUL!! Do you think you can maybe place a JaneFlag on top of it??

Lady Muck
I already have Jane Toilet paper covered. You go for condoms, yeah? I think Carl and Skank Bitch Carla have nipple caps wrapped up...

Carla:
You need a shave, dude

Flamingo:
Oh my wonderful pink friend! I am delighted. please feel free to cum on my Flag Face

Henri:
Did you glue your dick around the cocktail stick by accident?

toby:
Take photos. I will send you a Certificate of Citizenship to The Jungle - all i need is a picture of you pledging allegiance....great idea...

kellywalters said...

I already have mine up

Zen Wizard said...

Here's the Jane Flag.

Denny Shane said...

This is such a great idea and I want to do it, do it, do it, do it... oh sorry, got stuck for a sec...

I looked at your list of things I need to masturbate... ummm I mean make the flag. I can't do this... you said I needed a colour printer, unfortunately in the States here I only have a color printer.

Will this work... if when I masturbate, I turn on the computer and look at the pictures on my monitor and do it, do it, do it, shit there it goes again... anyway, can I do it while looking at your pics on the monitor?

SHame too cause I am going to a party this weekend and I know I could have made little cocktail spears for the sausage and cheese out of the pics. oh well. ;)

Mongrel Porksword said...

I masturbated to my Jane flag.

On it, too.

Zen Wizard said...

This Jane Flag didn't come out as good.

Bloodgood said...

It Jane Flag Day!!!! Im sorry but buddy(my dog) thought the chopstick I put your flag on tasted good.

Steph said...

Now THAT should be our new national flag. Your noggin up in the corner and the southern stars.

I'd salute that.

ChickyBabe said...

How about I use it to decorate the left button of my mouse?

josh williams said...

I did every thing you said but I used to much glue and now my hands are stuck to me pecker. I would explain but hunt and peck is to tedious to share this tale.

wallycrawler said...

I did what ya said & used my spunk for glue !

Da Wallycrawler is very resourceful ?

gav said...

If I was any good at using photoshop I'd send you a pic with the flag wedged between some pert bum-cheeks. Alas, looks like I'll have to do the real thing.

*buys two pots of glue to sniff*

Bloodgood said...

Thats awesome!!!
Your dog is beggin me for part of my sandwich right now. Tell him to stop please.

Hope you dont mind I didnt want to end up like JW so I used scotch tape, Plus now I have 2 pots of glue to sniff.

jungle jane said...

Roxi:
Where is it? Can you take a picture? i don't mind if you placed it in dogshit or something...

Zen:
AHAHAHAHAHAHA you placed your own creative interpretation into my flag! My God man, do you want to cause yet more riots I ask you?? TYPICAL man! never follows instructions!

Now please send me a picture of your flag in its final resting place??

Denny:
You used to be a politician - i am sure you understand the importance of flags. I am quite happy for you to make Denny flags too - i just don't think you should masturbate to it...

Mongrel:
I think a JaneyFlag would look FANTSTIC stuck on top of your penis. i do.

Zen (2)
I salute the effort. Now please send a pic of you saluting me??

Bloodgood:
you are a STAR! truly you are - you scooter looks AMAZING with a JAneyFlag. I dunno what you are talking about a dog though? you have a dog?

Steph:
YEAH! and with me singing the national anthem instead of Delta Goodrem! YEAH!

ChickyBabe:
If it doesn't cause scrolling issues, you should do it. Stamp your mark of individuality on your office. By Monday EVERYONE will have one...

Josh:
Fuck. Does that mean you are able to type with your left hand? AWESOME! Now lets see if you can follow Wally’s example…

Wally:
Awwwww see that's what i like to see. Creativity. Did you sniff your semen too? how high did you get??

Gav:
Flag up your bum cheeks PLEASE. i will beg...i will flash a tit - anything...just make them your arse cheeks...

Bloodgood (2)
Is my dawg STILL over at your place pissing? Well I would prefer it if you didn’t give him scotch tape or 2 pots of glue. I am sure JW agrees…

YellowSock said...

I tried to burn it Jane but I just couldn't...I will masturbate now.

Bloodgood said...

im starting to feel bad I didnt masturbate.
Your dawg has been a lazy shit all day, with the exception of posing for some pictures.

barman said...

Well I masterbated before I made the flag. Damn complicated instructions!

blog Portland said...

I printed out five of these, placed them on cocktail sticks per your instructions. Tomorrow morning at work I plan on securing them to a makeshift base provided by vanilla wafers, and leaving them at random on my co-workers desks. I'll let you know how it goes.

Denny Shane said...

ok janey... this is a great idea. Have a contest... the best idea for how to use your flag... the winner gets a private, nude audience with you on cam... we can all watch but typing is out.. only the winner can type.

Hmmm so actually he only won a typing thing I guess. And I can be there since I thought of the idea. ;)

Fuckkit said...

Can't get sniffable glue any more. Uh... apparently.

Hal said...

One method of paying homage to Jane would be to take those pictures, and rather than making a flag, make stickers - 100's of them, even 1000's, and stick them on everything in sight that isn't nailed down.

jungle jane said...

Sausage:
Well if it makes you feel better i could burn a sausage at the same time??

Bloodgood:
you should feel bad. Really, you ought to go knock the top off one RIGHT NOW. and it doesn't matter if my dawg is staring at you.

Barman:
At least with JaneyFlags you can toss off on them. I doubt George Bush would be so mellow about the USA flag, eh??

Portland:
NICE ONE!! let tghe lucky ones know that they are "the chosen". Tell them that they have the weekend to learn the australian national anthem. i am sure they will feel blessed...

Denny:
I already know the best place for my flag - on a steaming pile of shit. I am hoping that Bloodgood will send one through - he's holding onto my dog for me at the moment

Fuckkit?
kidding? fuck...you can in australia. um allegedly. or maybe that's just very pungent sperm? fuck i'm confused. i need to get high.

Hal:
i love that idea - who here can make stickers? although please knock yourself out - no need to exclude things that have been nailed down, eh?

Erin O'Brien said...

I intend to color my insignificant world with hundreds of Janey flags in hopes of altering that description.

I will likely take Jane's masturbation suggestion. I thought I would also take of pic of myself in the buff with Jane flags covering a few specific parts and call it Janey's Pasties and a G-string, but found the flags to be too small.

It is possible my photo suggestion is closely related to the lady muck's comments, but I am unsure of how to translate what she said.

User notes:

*Mac users: "right-click" in PCspeak means "control-click" in Mac. If you have already purchased a dual Mac mouse, "right-click" just means "right-click."

Everyone else during construction, I found a pot of old-fashioned paste came in handy for snacking.

*This advice is good and should be closely heeded by all Mac users such that they may avoid going deep, deep into the long whiskey-filled night whilst spewing copious vulgarities and trying to get any number of computer related thingamajiggies to work.

These comments are prelubricated for your safety and convenience. The author accepts no responsibility if these comments piss you off. The author does not say eff you. The author loves you.

Henri Banks said...

is that realy your dog buddy ?

PDD said...

Okay. I will get cracking over the weekend, once I connect my HP Printer. (Haven't done that yet. Too busy blogging with you guys. Yes I am obsessed).

waygon112 said...

how about I forgo any of the JaneyFlag info and just masterbate?

josh williams said...

Ar ya got me good that time Janey! I am sewing a Jane flag (left handed) and its going to be one of the largest handsewn flag known.
I just the The Worlds Fastest Indian with ANthony Hopkins were you int that movie. Were you in Lord of the Rings? Gotta go sew. JW

Zen Wizard said...

Klingon salute or regular?

Jesus Toast said...

I made Jane bed sheets about a week ago, but I had to throw them out about 2 days ago because they're, um, "soiled"...

Polyman2 said...

O'kay I hot glued your picture to my cock, now what?
Oops- I think I messed up the directions!

gusgreeper said...

shit man you are really bloody hot.

Hal said...

Depending on the size, stickers can be made way cheap at Kinko's, or any such place. If they're color they might be a bit pricier, but it would be well worth the effort.

I mean, imagine a Jane sticker on the Hollywood Walk of Fame? The Hollywood Bowl? The Hollywood sign? Dodger Stadium? LAPD Headquarters?

The possibilities are endless!!!!

Tumbleweed said...

I don't think I have sent my love your way in a while. Miss you! You always know how to make me laugh!!

blog Portland said...

Things went off without a hitch today, but only one person accused me, even though I am hands down the only person in our office that would do something this random (80% of my co-workers are Mormon).

Bloodgood said...

Would it be ok to masturbate at work, or is that totally wrong?

One pile of dog poo is being overnighted to Australia. Im keeping my JJ flag so you will need to make your own.

Toby said...

My printer is in the shop.

Really, I don't have a color printer. At work, the color machines were tied up all day. Monday, probably too late, I will send a pic of my allegiance to you and your tit. Not necessarily in that order, but it will be Monday.

jungle jane said...

Erin:
I am touched – and not in a dirty manner either. Such a rousing tribute and I love the thought that my face might take the place of your g’string. I urge you to proceed with this plan, right clicking as fast as you can on that mac. I have alternative snacking ideas which I am sure this blog would not be interested in hearing. Don’t worry about the flag being small – skimpy is high fashion and not at all tacky. I promise.

Henri:
Um not actually that is not my dog at all. he belongs to Bloodgood but I do believe his name is buddy. I have several very cute picutres of bloodgood forcing poor Buddy to wear my flag.

Waygon:
Where is your national pride, sonny boy? You must make a flag. And ideally sing the Australian national anthem

Josh:
I played a hobbits foot in LOTR. That’s a little known fact. I wonder how large exactly your flag is going to be? The photo is only the size of a matchbox. Do you think that’s going to be a record or sorts? Josh careful you don’t stitch yer dick to the flag.

Zen:
A “high salute” whilst solemnly reciting a national anthem. Anyone you like, Zen although the israeli one might be fitting??

Toastie:
Dude I have threes words for you: Get your wife to wash them!

Poly:
No that’s fine – all you need to do now is attach your cock and the flag to a cocktail stick and you have a cock cocktail stick flag. It will be fine – you just need somewhere to adorn with it. How about your boss’s desk at work?

Gusgreeper:
Well I guess if you love red hair then I am your womanJ

Hal:
The sticker idea rocks. I think they should be everywhere. The first person to get george bush to wear a sticker wins a sexual favour for sure. Lets start a cult – eBay will be kicking themselves

Tumbleweed:
Me too – although actually I do pop along and read you most days. I must leave greetings more often…

Portland:
Perhaps your colleagues were too busy masturbating to accuse you??

Bloodgood:
Well I work from home so actually regular masturbation forms part of my job description. I can’t wait for the shit to arrive – don’t worry about the flag, I am making one of Dorian instead….

jungle jane said...

Toby:
Send me the picture and i will print it out. No doubt i will deface it first and dress you up in girls clothes but i SWEAR they will be tasteful...

Toby said...

No need, I'll have taken care of all that.

Christi said...

My neighbors keep stopping by to ask who that picture that is plastered all over my front lawn is of. Then I get the pleasure of sending them your way. I live in an older neighborhood, and I've noticed that shortly after talking to them, ambulances tend to show up. Strange, eh?

josh williams said...

Jane, to late.The ole fell in the shower excuse may not work this time.

Maja said...

I'm making one right now!!!

Le Chitelier said...

Well, I tried to sniff some spray glue but then i squirted the whole thing up my nose... echh, maybe I'll dig it out with that cocktail stick. Uh... wazis about a flag? Hmm, I think I saw my hamster masturbating the other day. Hang on, lemme see what I can do.

Jerry said...

I want my Jane TV.

PDD said...

Janey, I am affraid I may not have time to cut and paste this weekend. Friday night I walk in at 10:30 pm from work. and I was up at5:00 am. where is the fucking payoff eh? Anyway, would it make you feel good if I told you I have slashed my skin and used my blood to paint a glamorous picture of you in the form of a flag? My blood matches your hair perfectly. I didn't need to do touch ups. I will hang the flag outside my house tomorrow. I need to ruffle my neighbors up a bit anyway...

jungle jane said...

toby:
oh but i have a GREAT little pink tutu picked out especially for you!

Christi:
i would like to think think that it must be you rather than me causing all your neighbours to drop dead??

Josh:
you are the master of needlecraft and feeble excuses. you can make this work - you can!

Maja:
I would like to see your little flag stuck somewhere on Geezer. oh that i would love to see!

Chitelier:
welcome to blogdom! in honour of the occasion you MUST make a flag, insert it up the hamster's arse and take a picture for me. you can do this is if you pray hard and eat your vegetables.

Jerry:
i want my jEnJur

PDD:
I appreciate the gesture more than you could ever know. all that blood letting is NOT in vain. you don't need neighbours. You just need a JaneyFlag. Trust me!

Bloodgood said...

Did the Poo get there? If not I strongly urge you just to find the nearest dog and follow him around. Personally, I think if your making a Dorian Flag, Cat poop smells much worse and I know you know where to get some of that.
P.S.
I finally have sometime to go pop one off.

ticharu said...

I imagine you while I'm doin' the wife... she put the wig on and didn't ask any questions but when I asked her to just wave the flag and talk like a pirate she got upset...

Fuckkit said...

I didnt have any cocktail sticks for the flags or indeed any drunk and passed out friends to plant said flags on for comedy value so I made these...

One

Two

I suck at Photoshop so that's the best I could come up with. Soz.

PDD said...

Fukkit:
You don't suck at photoshop. Those were brilliant!

Unfortunately, I suck at photoshop, and I don't know what to do for your pic.

Janey:
Please know that the image in my head far surpasses my ability to put it in practicality.
Yes. my imagination has that power.

Lets put it this way, earth has it's very own flag... and it also does a trick or two...

Captain Carl said...

Arrr....Carl-O-Vision is up and runnin......

Hal said...

Jane, you are hereby TAGGED!!!!!

josh williams said...

I cut the flag apart cause I cant sew worth a shit. Not to mention it hurt my pecker everytime I jabbed a needle in my lap. So what I have done is carved your image into a grain of rice. it looks like this __ and looks just like a Jane flag. Tonight I will cook it and eat the thing in your honor.

matty said...

Oh! I want one! But, I've no access to a color printer!!

Le Chitelier said...

Well Jane, I emailed you a special surprise involving my hamster and your flag. I hope you like it. I know my hamster sure did.

The Lady Muck said...

Some of those are total jane-ius. geddit?
*tumbleweed.....*

The Taker of Gist said...

Why settle for a mere flag when you can impose yourself on the teeming masses?!

Fuckkit said...

Taker Of Gist: I can't make to rock fest, too tired, but can I still come to the pancake breakfast?

Zen Wizard said...

Finally, proof that Chinese restaurants do, in fact, serve...ahem..."kitty cat."

Toby said...

Pledge

Le Chitelier said...

Okay, here's a pic of what my hamster decided to do of his own accord:
Flag pic A
And here is another with the hamster leaving the scene of the crime:
Flag pic B

Henri Banks said...

Mmmm where the fuck is JJane?

kellywalters said...

heheh... I'll get your picture to ya..

hold on to ya horses!

PDD said...

WE WANT JANE TV BACK!!

ICECOLDCOKE said...

is there any jungle jane glossy posters in your store?