04 May 2006

Jungle orgy

I was nestled on the branch of an oak tree today gleefully snooping on the rest of the jungle and scoffing on a piece of cheesecake (I do love cheesecake) when I realised that I am totally in the mood for a comment orgy.

So to kick start the filth and to see who has been paying attention lately I have provided y’all with a dirty little contest quiz. The blogger who gets the most questions correct will win a money-can’t-buy prize: a blog post on The Jungle written by me about them. Neat, huh? You may enter as many times as you want – this is an orgy after all – and I might even provide helpful clues as we go along if I feel like it.

  1. Name three sex toys owned by Jungle Jane?
  2. When was the last time Jungle Jane pulled a root? (month and year please)
  3. Is Jungle Jane heterosexual, lesbian or bi-sexual?
  4. How old is Jungle Jane?
  5. Who is Jungle Jane’s secret blog crush?

The last question is a bit of stinker but I couldn’t exactly hand it to you on a plate, could I? If you think that you may be my blog crush feel free to crawl out of the woodwork – lurking about the place isn’t exactly gonna win you that glowing blog post, is it?


Die Muräne said...

1. heads, hotdogs, hedghogs
2. April 2006 (if we can count this head as a root...)
3. 36
4. the muraenenblog (i don't know an other really crushing blog, sorry)

first and winner. but i don't need a price, have already everything...

jungle jane said...

Die Murane! Oh dear - back to the drawing board. No correct answers there I'm afraid...damn what i shame...there is a HECK of a lot i could talk about you and your photograph collection:-)

Die Muräne said...

ah, common janey, you just don't want to end your orgy after one single comment! hahahaha!

but duncha worry, prob some others will still try to do better :)

Pixie Sprinkle said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
jungle jane said...

Fuck Die Murane those were REAL easy questions...get your secretary to find the right answers - its EASY...

Mone said...

Well lets see...

1. barbies, snakes, horses
2. never
3. lovely into both
4. 39 and not a day older
5. I bet its Henri

o.k. the age I guessed, forgive me please if you are younger.

Eve said...

1) Handcuffs, Dildo, edible lube



4) 29

5) Pinky

Done, woo hoo biatch!

jungle jane said...

Damn, girl you got one of them right! So far you are in the lead!

You got one right too - but not the same one as Mone! I might give you a bonus point for thinking I am 29 though....although...actually - nope. no bonus points.

Damn - and here was I thinking these would be hard questions....

jungle jane said...

Okay the contest administrator has informed me that i am being misleading. to clarify:

Mone, you got part of one of the questions right....

Mone said...


jungle jane said...

*whistles softly and TOTALLY ignores Mone's attempts to give her insider information*

Mone said...

JJ was just recently on a trip. I'm thinking... did you by any chance visit Budapest in April Jane?

Motor City Monk said...

Name three sex toys owned by Jungle Jane? Anal Plug, The Rabbit, The Hammer

When was the last time Jungle Jane pulled a root? (month and year please) What's a root?

Is Jungle Jane heterosexual, lesbian or bi-sexual? All of the above.

How old is Jungle Jane? Old enough to fuck.

Who is Jungle Jane’s secret blog crush? If this isn't me it will be soon!

jungle jane said...

Budapest...lemme think...is that the name of a nice smooth beer? Oh! silly me! thats Budweiser.

I was not in Budapest recently Mone. Of course that's not to say that Budapest didn't visit me...

*continues to look completely innocent*

jungle jane said...

Monk! Fuck! You got none of them right, although I do promise to flick my bean thinking of you when i go to bed tonight.

(clue for Monk's eyes only: considering I am a former resident of Australia i don't think "the rabbit" would be in my collection. Think more native to australia...and maybe do a google search on sex toys")

Mone said...

You are a poker player Jane :-)
What about a cat and a monkey as sextoy?

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, let's see...

1. vibrators, a strap on and amyl nitrate

2. New years Eve, 2004

3. Straight, I know for a fact, damn it

4. 39 but ageless and timeless as far as me and the known universe are concerned

5. Hal Perry, he's dreamy...oh, wait, that's my crush

jemison said...

1. A rubber ball, a feather, and a long piece of PVC pipe.
2. 5/06
3. heterosexual
4. 34
5. me

Tickersoid said...

1) Kangaroo, rotivator, smart missile.

2) Christmas party shag, lets say 21/12/05.

3) All bloggers are non-mainstream so, Bisexual, 75/25% in favour of men.

4) I usually deliberately go way high when asked this one just to see the look of disappointment. So 42.

5) Me, I'm a cyber sex god. Keep spreading the rumour.

Toby said...

Name three sex toys owned by Jungle Jane? Nipple pinchers, Jessica Rabbit and Ben Wa.

When was the last time Jungle Jane pulled a root? (month and year please) 4/06

Is Jungle Jane heterosexual, lesbian or bi-sexual? What ever is most convenient.

How old is Jungle Jane? She looks about 30, but I think she's 44.

Who is Jungle Jane’s secret blog crush? Me.

Henri Banks said...

1.A dildo, me and here cat
2.oups i forgot the question
3.bi-sexual i hope!!!
4.15years old
5.its sausage,denny,toby,Zen wizzard,erin 0´brien,Captain carl,badgod,Le Chitelier,barman,ing and you think jane had just one crush nonooo thats a no
1 is not enough i know my litle sister!!

Motor City Monk said...

I'm honored that you'll be flicking your bean this evening thinking of me. I have wood just thinking of you doing that.

Zen Wizard said...

What is SECOND prize: TWO blog posts written by you about the Blogger??

PDD said...

1) A bald mans head; Slash's guitar; your car keys.

2) May 10 2006

3) Bi-sexual.

4) 29 yrs.

5) Grant Baillie

BEAST said...

1.love eggs , a vibratory thingy , something else shaped like a willy (sorry its a girl thing why would i understand)
3.not doing too well so far
4.a very well preserved 53 , i bet the hair is to hide the buldog clips holding everything in at the back
5.feck i have forgotten the question

<<<< goes and sits quietly in the corner

BEAST said...

ooooh oooh number three is metro sexual , I think thats like glamorous but loose

Jesus Toast said...


Jesus Toast said...

Name three sex toys owned by Jungle Jane? A vibrator, a double-headed dildo, a waffle iron.

When was the last time Jungle Jane pulled a root? (month and year please)
Wednesay, March 3, 1984

Is Jungle Jane heterosexual, lesbian or bi-sexual?
Bi-sexula, but you also like lemons.

How old is Jungle Jane?

Who is Jungle Jane’s secret blog crush?
Its me. Love me. Pick me. You swallow right? Ok, it's me then.

jungle jane said...

Now those are both good guesses - but entirely wrong. The cat is neutered and I dare not make monkey jokes in case Egan is reading this

Wow nice work - you surge into the lead with at least 2 correct answers. I'm glad you overlooked the incident with the 13 female strippers and a set of handcuffs

PVC Piping is a sex toy? Fuck in that case I had better amend the question to 4 sex toys.

i love the way you used the reverse charm mechanism on my age - deliberately going low whilst pretending to be aiming high. Neat. very damn neat.

Have you been rifling through my sex toys?? Oh i do love the way that Jessica Rabbit doubles up as a Pez dispenser...

my word it seems i have a whole shopping list full of blog crushes - one for every day of the week and two on a sunday. And here was Mone thinking it was only you.

Okay I am alll flicked out now. I didn't get a stitch of work done all afternoon but i'm sure we all agree its worth a sacrifice

Second prize is one of my sex toys when I'm done using it. You might get second prize if you strive hard enough Zen. I hope you like PVC pipe?

Fucking hopeless. Hopeless, I tell you. and tying my daughter up in your basement and torturing her til she gives you the answers is not very Christian, is it?

Oh deary me it looks like i might have to have a special contest just for you with a special question seeing as these were all FAR too girly. Okay Beast your question is:

1. what is the female g-spot?
2. where is the clitoris?
3. do women orgasm?

There you go dear....i made it heaps easy for you.

Wow i almost changed blog crush when I read that. You fucking totally know how to turn a chick on. Male bloggers - study Toast's moves if you want heaps of wanton rooting in your life.

Oh and toastie? wrong on all counts except i might make you my reserve blog crush...

PDD said...

No, you're right, it's not. More Catholic than anything...

Pixie Sprinkle said...

mffdfsfjkh fffffjjjj fddddd.....MUUUUUUUUM....

Brookelina said...

I know all the answers to these.

I win!

jungle jane said...

Well i guess 2,000 years of tradition is good enough for me. Remember to feed Pixie once a day will you?

Hang in you little champion. A damp basement never did anyone any harm. Its character building. Just don't emerge a Catholic please

My word the girl with the most cake wins! Damn i can't write a post about you because you refuse to update your blog no matter how much i stand about farting.

I might give you a consolation prize - a signed photo of your tits...

Henri Banks said...

nono i´m just a sex toy

josh williams said...

1: Breast # 1 Breast number #2 and # hand #3 to start with.
2. I don't think that is anyones business.
3. 29
4. Well I have some lesbian tendancys, so it would be fair to call me bi. So I think I will call Jane bi on this reasoning alone.
5. Roscoe.

I am not sure if the answers are in order but I am sure they are all correct. Thanks in advance. JW

Jesus Toast said...

Listen, I don't want any sort of reward, but I know for a fact that I am correct on all accounts, across the boards, in total.

I wwish you'd just learn to listen to your cunt (me) and go with the flow (menstrual)

jungle jane said...

Henri that means its possible that you could be the answer to 2 of the questions? sex toy AND blog crush? OMG Mone will LOVE that!

You are a man of science. I can see you have used your training to figure the answers out. Its a real shame that none of them - no matter what order you put them in - are correct. Not one Josh. I am now terribly worried that the device you built for me to feed my cats automatically when i am away might explode. Please tell me my cats are safe Josh. Please.

jungle jane said...

Toastie I always consult you before i make any major life's decisions. Always.

You are gracious about not wanting a prize. I was going to offer a blowjob but you are probably so busy driving your new car that you would decline.

The world needs more vaginas like you Toast.

Egan said...

I refuse to participate since it's my birthday. Blog orgies also shouldn't require any thinking. That's just how they work. Peace be with you and aloha from Maui.

Mone said...

Henri for sextoy, och menno.
Don't sell youself that cheap Henri!
I do love barbies...! They just always fit just right!

Mone said...

This small head and everything...
I have to go to bed now!!!

Zen Wizard said...

I am going to bow out of the "contest."

There are much more deserving contestants.

(Run, Zen...run like the wind!)

jungle jane said...

All gang bangs require thought - you wouldn't rock up at a swingers club without your cuffs and a tub of lube, would you now??

Happy birthday lovely - I hope the whales sing you a song. I am very bored with all this holiday business now - surely a week was long enough??

I know NOTHING of these barbies you talk about. Other than the ones I keep in my drawer next to my bed...

Cooooeeeeee! Zen! you left your tie behind!

Egan said...

Janey, are you begging for me to come back from Maui so we can gossip as usual? Hmmm, that could be fun.

Thanks for the birthday wishes. The whales are great here in Hawaii and very friendly as well.

Oh, when we attend a swingers club gathering all we are told to bring is our "personality". I have no reason why the quotes are used.

Toby said...


matty said...

OK --- I am not reading the other orgy players till I've written this as I want the Big Prize! Is there a second and third prize? I've only been to 3 orgies in my life and I once scored a pretty vibrator for something very special that I'm quite good at. I was young and foolish. ...and I long lost the dildo, but still.

OK, let's see:

Name three sex toys owned by Jungle Jane?
1. The Vibro-Egg
2. Self-Sucking Kitty Booster
3. Electric Titty Shimmy Cup
4. 8 Armed Dildo with optional suction cup for shower pleasures
5. Pussy Cycle Master
6. Supreme Anal Blaster Pearls (8 AAA Batteries required) ...this would be the newer model which has the much needed added feature of a stoper nob at end of the lighted coil.

When was the last time Jungle Jane pulled a root? (month and year please) December/05

Is Jungle Jane heterosexual, lesbian or bi-sexual? I like to think that Jungle Jane is open to all aspects of life and pleasure --- and always up for something new/fresh/exciting! I guess I should think Omni in nature. ???

How old is Jungle Jane? Jane is just barely this side of 21.

Who is Jungle Jane’s secret blog crush? I want to say Commander Josh, but I wonder if it might not be David Lynch --- because, hey -- wouldn't we all wanna take that one for a spin at least once? Or, wait. ...if only Robert Plant or Jimmy Page had a blog. Old, but how could one go wrong. No, I am going to go with Commander Josh!

Is there a fourth place prize?

Do I get bonus orgy points for owning one of the very few Hello Kitty dildos????

matty said...

Um, Egan is kind of hot.

do you have a crush on Egan?

...Henri is your brother. I don't think you've a crush on him.

And toast has that whole jesus thing going down and I don't buy that you're gonna really go in for that.

Ok -- Egan. Crush worthy profile picture. Tho, he refused to participate in an orgy simply because of his birthday. Kind of a downer.

I tried to name the most interesting/exciting sex toys on the market --- but I did leave off one. But, it is so obscene - and, you being a lady I hesitate to state that you have one. But, it is pretty awesome. Do you have that electofied vibrating sling with attachements??!?!? Hmmmm...

matty said...

I want to win.

I have a crush on a blogger, but I would never be brave enough to share.

can you tell I am all alone, sick, stoned and bored. and, sadly, i am stoned on medicinal ass missles. sigh. I really need this prize.

wallycrawler said...

1) "Pocket Rocket" , "The Tongue" , "Large Black Dong" (your least used!)

2) May 5, 2004 @ 1:30am .

3)Your sooo...straight ! But ya dabbled !?

4) A "smoke'n hot" 39 !

5) Da Wallycrawler , but I'm such an asshole I think that way with all women .

ChickyBabe said...

Did anyone say orgy? Blog crush?

gav said...

Games are tedious JJ. If you wanna fuck me just come out and say it already.

Bring the sex toys.

Toby said...

orgy I orgy love orgy chicky orgy babe

Vince said...

1. door nob,toothbrush, Jet spray showerhead.
2. may 2006
4. 44
5. some lucky girl...

ChickyBabe said...

A comment orgy without Egan is just not the same!

5. I'm the secret blog crush!!!! Mwahahaha....

Jozee said...

What happened to my clothes ? How'd I get here? Orgy? I was shopping with Pixie Sprinkle...

josh williams said...

I won I knew it! Lets keep the contest running for awhile since its sweeps week in blogland.......

As you well know I am allergic to cats, but I would never ever put them in danger, they good people.
In fact the cat feeder I invented because I soooo wanted cats to be happy. I skipped a few steps to get it onto the market and into peoples kitchens, your cats eat in your kitchen, correct? At least I have something correct.
The electric cat feeder and watering bowl, yes it takes 220 electrical service to operate and was tested, by the public in real life, not some mamby pamby controlled environment! Duh! Yep we are waiting for the feedback from our customers and if any cats are harmed I am sure the corporation I sold my soul er patent will make the proper modifications to make it less lethal. JW

morbid misanthrope said...

1.) What are the great pyramid at Giza, the hanging gardens of Babylon, the statue of Zeus at Olympia, the temple of Artemis at Ephesus, the mausoleum at Halicarnassus, the colossus of Rhodes, and the lighthouse of Alexandria?

2.) What is the class Holothuroidea?

3.) What is Amare et sapere vix deo conceditur?

Oh, my. Terribly sorry; I thought I was playing America's favorite quiz game show, Jeopardy.

jungle jane said...

Egan I am begging. Yes I am. My life is shallow and bleak without you to amuse me. Of course I am getting a huge amount of work done but life is not the same without Odeo.

I hope that you had a great birthday. And sex. sex. sex. sex. sex. sex. sex. sex. sex. sex. sex. there. Did I say it enough?

Its rude to speak with your mouth full, hun

Oh Matty matty matty. Woefully incorrect but I have to say that you are the front runner for that prize so far seeing as everyone else is hopelessly wrong too. You are in the winners seat so far due to your impressive toy wish-list and unbridled enthusiasm. You will stand even more of a chance if you tell us who your secret blog crush is. Can I guess? Please please? Does Liza Minelli have a blog? Babs? I know I’m close to the truth – you can tell me (and the whole internet) Matty. We are here to love and support you.

You are every women secret sex fantasy I am quite sure. And their blog crushes too I would think. We can resist those creepy greeny yellowy eyes? Your charm? Your wit? Your pocket rocket?

Ah! The inspiration for the term “blog crush” has arrived. Egan is just playing hard to get because he’s in Hawaii and is a bit smug about it. Don’t worry – he’ll join in. And if he doesn’t I won’t be showing him the photos afterwards

Fuck. Where is your sense of romance Gav? Here I am going to all the effort of laying on a nice little orgy and you want to dispel with the niceties? Sigh. I dunno. I just dunno. Give them an orange and suddenly they want an apple

Toby (2)
Toby loves ChickyBabe!
Toby loves ChickyBabe!

My god I hope you are better at catching butterflies than online quizzes. Although to your credit you are the first to consider that my blog crush may not necessarily be male. Of course you are wrong, but you still get kudus for trying

Oh that little minx! She told you that you were going shopping and then led you to a surprise orgy? Gotta love the little devil!

The cat feeder is amazing. Just amazing. I just don’t think you should have build that mouse trap in it as an accessory. Poor puss got his cutie little paw trapped in it and now he only has 3 legs. But please don’t think I am criticising or complaining – the important thing is that he has food, although since the mousetrap got disabled all the food was eaten by rats. But other than that you’re onto a winner as usual Josh. I am so proud of you.

1. Seven wonders of either the new or old world
2. An orgy?
3. An orgy?

Do I win something? Will you write a blog post about me? Me! Me! Me!

Captain Carl said...


1. a.Captain Carl Action Figure
(pre melting)
b.some sort of plastic do
hickey that requires
c. a coke bottle

2. 12/05 a great way ta end a year

3. heterosexual(but ay have me

4. older than the Capt but younger
than Madonna

5. HMMM......is Axl Rose a blogger

gav said...

Fuck. Where is your sense of romance Gav?

It seems I left it in your anal-cavity. Be a sweetheart and bend over so I can get it out.

I want an apple and an orange. But I'm special.

jungle jane said...

Ahhhh Cappy i love how you had the sense to include some home made sex toys in that. you know i can never understand why people throw perfectly good Coke bottle away. Especially the 2 litre ones...

See - i knew there was a romantic inside you. Less romantic men would have told me to retrieve it myself. For that you can have the entire fruit bowl you soppy softie!

Captain Carl said...

Arrrrrr.....ay know a guy who knows a guy who got stuck inside a coke bottle once and had ta wait till the swellin went down before things were ok again.....

wow....a 2 liter thats ambitious

jungle jane said...

well you've seen what i can do to a whole human head...

Tickersoid said...

You rumbled me on the age thing so I'll be honest, I think your 87 with a zimmer frame and everything, after all you do have two cats.

On the subject of a good routing, do you mean with a man or just someone of the same species?

Sexuality? I don't think it matters to you, except you can't get aroused unless you can hear the sound of breaking glass.

Sex toys? An 8x4 panel of 1/4" plate glass, a hammer and a dustpan and brush.

Blog crush? Toby, you just melt at the sight of those flashing eyes.

Captain Carl said...

Arrr....good point.....

ay have an idea.....yer crotch would make a perfect carrying case fer the Capt.......kinda like the pouch on a Kangaroo......floatin around all day gets old.....an if ay hang out in there ay can inspect other heads as you cram them in............

jungle jane said...

I bet you are mighty impressed - how many other 87 year old chicks do you know who use dustpans as a sex toy? I think you will agree that I carry my age well - its just a shame about being 145 pounds overweight.

*whispers urgently to Tickers "how did you know about the shattering glass thing??"*

I thought your cute little yellow rubber hat was your secret Man Bag? You can tell us my old salty - i swear i won't point and call you names.

Traci-Lee Mott said...

i'm here for some of that orgie. i cant stay to long cos me kids is waiting in me car

Mone said...

I think it's about time we all get naked. Do you have some whiskey JJ?

matty said...

Really?!?!!? I'm so excited, but also sad that you've none of these fun toys!!! Everyone should have the Vibro Egg!

Me? Blog crush?

Ok. Well, I guess I've several. I think the boy from AND I MOVED is hot. I think that boy with THE MULESKIN NOTEBOOK is cute. But, my wild blog heart belongs to Joe over @ Icey Blog. ...and, he did propose marriage. Except, I think he was just leading me on. He didn't mean it. He crushed my horny blog heart, but he is cool anyway.

Liza really does scare me. Quite worrying!

Wow, I just bared my blog crushes at the orgy!

I am dying to know your blog crush and the list of your sex toys! Do you have the beaded snake or the nipping beaver? I saw the latter just recently. ....but I think it was more novelty than much fun.

Sex toys MUST be fun. By that I mean --- they must get us off!

Oh, I do hope I win.

I never win anything. Except I did win a scholarship to upholstery school in Pittsburgh, PA back in 1985. This was a prize I did not want.

...I thought I had won $4 on a lottery ticket once, but when I went to cash it in -- it had expired.

Maja said...

Oh dear this is all too hard for me..

jungle jane said...

What a shame - I am sure every bloke in here would like to rattle and roll with you, doll

I sent Henri to the shops to get some whiskey and he hasn't been seen since. Shall i send out the sniffer dogs?

You are a joy - not only do you have several blog crushes (although without being rude some of them do appear to be pure lust) but you have neatly categorised them too. I am not sure why he proposed - it seems like an extreme length to go to just to pull a root don't you think??

You are SOOO the frontrunner my lovely Matty. I am thinking of offering you an alternate prize if you like - i found a website that sells some AMAZING sweaters. they have nice matching gold pants too.

You are a winner in my eyes no matter what Matty. Who needs fortunes from lotteries? You don't need rubbish like money - you have my love and affection for eternity. If you turn straight for half an hour or so i might even give you a blowjob.

You are a geologist! out of everyone i expected a 5 out of 5 Ms High Achiever. Perhaps this might be one for that lazy cunt Geezer??

ChickyBabe said...

I come to an orgy and get a declaration of love? Awww....

Egan, I still have my whip!

Erin O'Brien said...

Since you are my age, let's gather all our sex toys, be each other's secret crushes, act like bisexuals and pull a root together right now.



Mone said...

Jane send out the snifferdogs!!
But maybe he is on his way to sachsenland already to pick me up?
Then we come home with the dogs!
Hope you've got some bones left for them, it's a long way...

BEAST said...

JJ re 'Beasts special quiz'.

Depending on the amount of beer consumed....when 'new man' beast is routing around like a truffling pig , I can find the first two without a map...and I can build a number 3 that will blow the wax out of your ears.
If however I am having a homer simpson day the answer to all three is of course... who cares!.

jungle jane said...

oh yes there is plenty of love in the room. Crass people would call it lust and debauchery but we are refined, right?

now i am relying on you to make sure the dogs don't drink the whiskey, okay? just feed them one of henri's legs. whatever you do, DON'T COME BACK WITHOUT THE PISS!

You are truly wise, Erin O Brien. Thats why I think everyone should buy your book. Actually thats not true - they should buy your book because it rocks. And while they are all reading we can slip behind the shed, yeah?

You can build a number 3 that will blast the wax out of my ears and I can perform a number two that blasts the bowl out of an average toilet. We make a fine pair - skills like our should be sold to the Army don't you think? I am we could win more wars with orgasms and bad bathroom etiquette?

Steph said...

Name three sex toys owned by Jungle Jane? Jack the midget and his twin brothers.

When was the last time Jungle Jane pulled a root? Do you mean with someone other than Jack and his bro's?

Is Jungle Jane heterosexual, lesbian or bi-sexual? All of the above.

How old is Jungle Jane? 15

Who is Jungle Jane’s secret blog crush? Chickybabe?

matty said...

Yay! ...not sure I would wear the sweaters or stylin' pants but would love to chat with sweater girl.

and, wow! thanks for the compliments!!! I am not worthy.

ah, well --- aren't all blog crushes based upon lust? Mine are.

Henri Banks said...

Girls girls girls a got the booze and found the dogs the were drunk already !!!

josh williams said...

1. My vibrating automatic cat feeder, with built it mouse trap which caught your puss, sorry. 2.Silly String 3. You live above the firestation.
2.April 1 06
3.Regular at will.
4.Erins Age
5. Cappy!

Jake_633 said...

1.Fred, Wilma and Bambam
2.June 2006
4.Friggin ancient
5.Jen,Jen, Jen (even if it's not i still enjoy thinking it is.)

~d said...

1. anal plug, cock ring, violet wand

2. ( 3 hours or less of this reading! )

3. bi-sexual, for sure: to experience everything!

4. age is relevant

5. ME !

Toby said...

Rum anyone?

~d said...

I meant age is Irrelevant !

morbid misanthrope said...

1.) The seven wonders of the ancient world.

2.) Sea cucumber.

3.) Even a god finds it hard to love and be wise at the same time.

Hey, you almost got one out of three. Not quite up to Alex Trebek's standards, but it merits a high five from me. Feel free to collect next time you visit America. I'll be in the drunk tank at the local jail.

Hal said...

Step aside people, and watch a master at work:

Name three sex toys owned by Jungle Jane? - Sean Michaels dildo, vibrator, edibile undies.

When was the last time Jungle Jane pulled a root? (month and year please) - September 2004

Is Jungle Jane heterosexual, lesbian or bi-sexual? - Bisexual

How old is Jungle Jane? - 39

Who is Jungle Jane’s secret blog crush? - Erin O'Brien

Hal said...

Okay, I'm going to amend my answer to the last question to Axl Rose.

jungle jane said...

Oh dear - utterly hopeless. Don't give up your day-job Steph. Oh. Hang on...ooooooops!

You should wear both the pants and a lovely sweater of your choice. you know there is one for every day of the week plus more. those sweaters are so plentiful you can even get changed once a day. What a shame the pants only seem to come in gold, eh?

Shit man, now those drunk dog have thrown up all over the back seat of the car. Damn. Mone? this is your fault I'm afraid. Henri i hope the dogs didn't get hungry and eat your arm??

Usually life imitates art, but not in this case. I am astounded that a man of science such as yourself can be so wrong. all i can think is that your brain - being so scientific - cannot focus on art. The cat that got trapped in the feeder was going to wave hello at you but he needs his remaining paw to hobbble.

JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE! Dammit you are alive! its just as well you showed up - the sniffer dogs are drunk and chewing on Henri's left leg...

Jake, chat later?

All wrong! every one of them! although there may be bonus points in deciding that age is irrelevant. Two bonus points at least.

there is totally nothing unusual in that at all. After all, you get a worm at the bottom of some tequila bottles. The question is whether ANYONE at all considered eating him?

Fuck that sounds like my average friday night date. I'll get on a plane right now - meet you in the holding cell, yeah? I'll bring duty free...

You of all people should have guessed Ron Jeremy dildo. There. You all have a big fat clue - god knows that not even a Master is anywhere near right - i have to virtually feed you all the right answers.

Hal if you can find a blog of Axl Rose you could damn well be the leading entrant so far. I am proud. Very proud.

frobisher said...

gosh, busy in here. And filth as well.

jungle jane said...

Ohhhh Frobisher no filth in here. This is a family oriented blog. Ask my daugher.

josh williams said...

1 Atlantic Wolf Fish! 2. Ron Jeremy Dildo 3. Vic's Vapor Rub

2. May 7 04


4.Bi- the way

5. Someone we dont know.

DorianGray1854 said...

Good Day Sweet Lady!!!

1. Anything sweet and edible, Handcuffs(hopefully), Some sort of pleasuring pain device!!

2. There is this recently single and damn handsome man I know, so we can talk about it over brunch.

3. Well we can discuss this over brunch as well.

4. Exactly the right age for a good time.

5. I'm stuck in a bottle not the woodwork:)

Le Chitelier said...

Oh chite I'm late! Quick! Somebody save Pixie! We need her to collect fresh virgins for us!!!

Oh and, as for the questions... I have no fucking clue. The only ones I MIGHT know have already been mentioned....damn!

As for your secret blog crush... might this person not be quite human????

Hal said...

Alright, I didn't exactly search long and far because I don't have time (my agent just called me and I have an audition in three hours to play a racist guy). So while I didn't find an Axl Rose blog, I did find an Axl Rose page on Myspace.

And had I known there was a Ron Jeremy dildo, I would have answered that. I know your affinity for the Hedgehog. Heck, would we both have walked several blocks down Santa Monica Blvd. through hordes of gay men dressed as cheerleaders in order to get to Dan Tana's so that we might just get a glimpse of him? Still, I didn't know there was a dildo cast from his pud, but then again, I'm really not in the market for dildos of any kind, so I haven't really looked.

Anyway, wish me luck, and should I end up the winner, I can't wait to see what you might tell the world about me!

jungle jane said...

Josh I really really appreciate you - you know that - and I am terrified that you are going to think I do nothing but whine. It's just that the 6 day guarantee you gave me on the Cat Feeder still has a day to go so I hope you don't mind me saying...its just that I don't think it was such a good idea to put a guillotine on the food chute. Poor puss stuck his head up there trying to get some food stuck in the chute...and well...its just that i now have two half cats. like i say i am sorry to constantly interrupt your world-saving work but...is this how the feeder is supposed to work??

Wooohooo everyone - Sex On A Stick has just arrived! Everyone form a queue please - y'all can bid for him once I am done. I should be gone for about a year or so. After that we will be at brunch so it might be best if you all just chat among yourselves in the meantime.

Welcome back Dorian! do send me the pieces of your broken heart and I will see if i can glue them back together again. I don't have any glue but i am sure a bit of cement will do the trick.

Le Chit:
There you are! Thank god for that - i was just about to head off for a year of "comforting" the lovely Dorian Gray. I wonder if you know him - after all you were both alive in around about the same era? 1850's?

Don't worry about the virgins too much - after all we do have Dorian at our disposal now..

jungle jane said...

I am sure you will be able to be a racist guy - just wave your arms about and say lots of bad things about white people. Easy peasy.

I am certain you would have recognised a Ron Jeremy dildo had you seen one - after all i am sure you did take a cheeky peek when you were standing next to him in the urinal.

Hal you should watch this space. You are almost certainly a winner. Don't worry - i will only say nice things. You can trust me Hell...

Hal said...

Sure, I can trust you. Yet you still call me "Hell."


DorianGray1854 said...

Now that you are back in my life, all the pieces have been put back in order, however; if I can find a box that will preserve and keep my heart fresh for you during shipping, it is yours:)

jungle jane said...

Hell Hal. Of course you can trust me. I'll even come and heckle you when your play opens in London. And if you are very nice to me i might even remind you that your hub cap on your rear wheel is about to fall off

Dorian send the heart. You don't need it. you can use the empty heart cavity as a man bag. just don't jump up and down - nothing worse than a man that rattles his loose change...

Le Chitelier said...

Hell, I'd send you my heart but I didn't forsee having to do that way back in 1936, so it's pretty much disintigrated by now...sorry :(

Captain Carl said...

Arrr....look who showed his scallywaggin face......Janey ye truly must be somethin special ta make him come out of retirement.....

have they all been answered but #5?.....having lost all the blood from me head by now Im startin ta get confused.......

matty said...

oh. i'm all sad. and alone in an empty house on the edge of a sf ghetto.

...i so wanted to win.

but, hal is the better man. he got the answers right.


"...everyone loves a winner. so nobody loves me"

was rod stewart ever cool or did i dream that?

DorianGray1854 said...

A man bag wouold be of little use for me, I have a huge change jar at home and a money clip. I would much prefer that you send me something I can fill the hole with that reminds of the kinky love we will be sharing for the next year until our brunch.

Captain Carl said...

Arrr....do a little dance....make a little love.....

jungle jane said...

Le Chit:
Funny - I am collecting hearts at the moment - I already have Dorian Gray's heart...although actually it's just a ruse to lure him into deviant sex.

Isn't it a miracle! I do feel guilty at having been the cause of his recent breakup but i had to do something - he was taking forever to pop the question.

I LOVE your new body - does Ing know about this? will you shake your booty for your girl fans??

How about a large tin of baked beans? that way we don't have to leave the house to have our brunch and they don't rattle as much as all that pesky change. I just hope it doesn't cause you to suffer from heart farts

josh williams said...

But the front half your kitty is still alive right?

~d said...

YAY for the two bonus points ! Do we have a winner on the sex toys? I didn't notice one, so I have 3 more submissions:

1. eXstasy
2. cat'o'nine tails
3. black light

jungle jane said...

Josh I am not really sure - he hasn't moved at all since he got guillotined. He's probably just sleeping, the lazy cunt.

~d you are so damn close to victory, i suggest you start ironing your party frock and writing your acceptance speech. Oh and I thought i might point out that exctasy is not a sex toy - it's a vitamen. I think.

PDD said...

what's going on here again? i haven't slept in two days.

Are you going to ask the real question now? That Pixie Sprinkle's father is really the Russian Comedian Yackoff Smironoff or however you spell his fucking name.

matty said...

Oh! I am so touched. ..touched pink! That is awesome post! How did you do that? Hope you were able to rest up!!!

No one advised me regarding Rod Steweart, tho. I've decided he was not ever cool. My mom was just (and sitll is) nuts. But, I do enjoy "Hot Legs" ---

So, who is Pixie's father? Are you allowed to share this information with the www???

big love and hug,

...I actually have a SECOND date tonight!!! Yay! ...and, I feel well enough to go out!!!

jungle jane said...

Sleep is for the weak! and you PDD are not weak - not you are not.

You i was going to say you have a pink wand but i realised that could be seriously misconstrued.

Good luck for that date you complete dating machine. I am sure you will completely blow him away...er...actually...my mind is not quite right today...

Pixie's father? his link is on her blog...

matty said...

Yeah, my "wand" isn't really pink. Too bad, tho. Party rocket!

I doubt I will be able to really blow my date away tonight. I think this guy moves a bit slower. Unusual for this city. But, who knows????

I couldn't decide if Pixie knew for sure. Ok. All set with that then. I like Pixie.