11 May 2006

Networking

I’ve been out of town for the past couple of days on the most entertaining work conference I have ever attended.

I made sure that I booked into my hotel and the conference under
Tickersoid’s name – really it seem utterly pointless to get a bad reputation myself.

I have my conference entertainment down pat these days - after checking in and collecting ‘my’ conference name tag, I always take a seat at the very front row of the seminar. I make sure I am wearing a short skirt and no knickers and at timely intervals I entertain myself by opening my legs and flashing a clean-shaven beaver at the stunned male presenter. Not only are they unable to keep track of what they are saying but naturally they find it impossible to disguise their erections in front of 700 conference delegates. For maximum effect the flashing should always be timed for when they are in the middle of the stage rather than safely standing behind the podium.

A couple of tomato sauce sachets come in handy at work seminars. I pick a female audience member of the audience who is wearing white, wait for a tea break and then smear the contents of the sachet onto the middle of the seat of her chair. If you are very discreet you can even take photos of the look on her face when she returns and upload them to your blog afterwards.

But the part of work conferences I enjoy the most are the nightly social networking drinks functions. When I meet people I swap business cards with them as soon as I possibly can and then immediately assume their identity when speaking to the next person I meet. At the end of the conversation I hand them the last person’s business card, continuing this bad behaviour for the rest of the evening. By the end of the night not only have I confused the identities of the entire gathering but I have also made all sorts of outlandish promises in the name of other people in high positions.

Finally after checking out the next day I leave a plastic fake dog shit on the entrance stairs to the hotel. It goes without saying that I adorn it with a small paper flag with the photograph of the lead speaker on one side and
Tickersoid’s Egan's company logo on the other side.

Anyhow. Enough about work stuff. Have y’all been behaving while I’ve been gone?

posted by jungle jane @ 10:41 am |

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