24 May 2007

A mystery

19:53pm: Jungle Jane visits the toilet
20:13pm: Jungle Jane exits the toilet
20:15pm: Jungle Jane discovers a tampon behind her ear
21:03pm: Jungle Jane STILL cannot find her missing pencil

49 comments:

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Is it as effective?

Jenny! said...

ouch! i hope you don't get lead poisioning!

Gorilla Bananas said...

I'd write off that pencil as missing presumed dead. There must be space in there for a hundred magic markers and I don't see too many people volunteering for the search party.

mutleythedog said...

You are on your won with this one Jungley -for ever...

EBEZP said...

So what are you going to write with the tampax then? Because the pencil has obviously been dropped in the bathroom.

morbid misanthrope said...

The pencil must be in the pencil sharpener.

Toby said...

Were you doing a crossword or sudoku while visiting?

barman said...

Oh my. If you are wearing knickers I say check and see if you see doodles or eraser remnants. If you do than write the pencil off. Oh and you know they make pencils that are two inches or more thick, right. You will have a hard time ... misplacing it.

ARM said...

That's why I don't use tampons. Well, that and they make me physically ill, but besides that...

jungle jane said...

Ingsoc:
Well i don't know. I can't fucking find it. i can tell you that chewing it is nowhere near as nice as chewing my pencil though

Jenny:
I give pencils poisening. That's right - i expect there is a pencil out there somewhere frantically getting tested for the clap right now

GB:
Oh don't be so mean. Just put on your miner's helmet, take a deep breath, block your nose and dive right in. don't foresake me in my hour of need, GB. My twat is not a stationery cupboard, you know

Mutley:
*perk* i won something? is it a new pencil set?

Ebezp:
I won't write a thing. I HATE red ink...

jungle jane said...

Morbid:
Oh fuck. That's a bit of a fuck up. I lost my butt plug earlier so i used my pencil sharpener instead. oh dear - if i carry on this way, i may has well shove the whole stationery cupboard up my arse

Toby:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA what a twat! i wonder if he has a pencil in his ashtray???

Barman:
Thank you for taking my plight seriously. I have written the pencil off (no pun intended). Now, draw up a chair and tell me ALL about these 2 inch thick pencils. A girl can NEVER have enough girth in her stationary supplies.

ARM:
Oh dear - you mean you walk about monthly with a surfboard stuck in your knickers? fuck i could NEVER do that - mainly because i don't wear knickers, of course...

barman said...

No knickers, I'm screwed ... well my plan is anyway. I will keep thinking about it.

In the mean time I found a pencil like I was mentioning here. I think that out to work. Oh and should you check out that page, check out the beer glass below the pencil. Oh and they have some giant granny panties. The next time someone wants to get in your panties there will be plenty of room. Sorry, must not be a UK company as they do not refer to them as knickers.

Captain Smack said...

I don't know if you are in the habit of allowing men to stick their thingamajigs in there, but if you do, then the next one may be in for a sharp, painful surprise.

That'll teach him.

jungle jane said...

Barman:
Oh lordy me, that's not a pencil, its porn. I MUST have those knickers. Not to wear or anything...just to hang on my washing line so that the neighbours think i wear knickers

Smack:
It certainly is mighty painful - my fist is full of little puncture holes right now...

Tickersoid said...

If you wore knickers, you could draw your own conclusions in the gusset

jungle jane said...

Oh tickers you are so ingenious. Art and gussets all in one sentence. perhaps i can even draw the picture with the pencil still stuck in my twat? Vag Art, like?

Henri Banks said...

Come here you wicked Girl and i show you your Pencil !!!

waygon112 said...

this should help when you're sitting down and need to take notes.

Ratty. said...

That's fine. It will dissolve and work it's way into your bloodstream.

zen wizard said...

Spanish people consider it an insult if you write them a letter in red, so I hope that wasn't what happened.

I also hope whatever contraband you may have been smuggling did not get erased by the eraser end.

jungle jane said...

Henri:
I would be far more interested in studying your pencil.

Wayne:
Actually i taught my twat to type a few months ago. so much quicker than writing

Ratty:
I fail to see how a tampon nestling behind my ear could dissolve into my bloodstream. but of course i believe you and will therefore leave it there until its gone.

Zen:
D'you think Spanish people would be offended if they picked up a pencil, chewed the end of it and it smelled faintly of fish??

BEAST said...

JJ , where you drawing me a picture of your parts ???? your so thoughtful

RAFFI said...

tampons can be used like quills, perfect for writing. i say you cut your losses.

Convict said...

20 minutes on the bog?

You getting enough fibre?

Makes a change from a suppository I suppose.

ARM said...

I know, it's disgusting. But I don't like passing out.

I love the word knickers...

josh williams said...

I have one word Crayons, big box for cheap and they always disappear not matter what, so if you loose one, you know its just lost its the fact of crayolas. As far as tampons, I dunno.

wallycrawler said...

I wish this post was bigger . I can still see that asshole slice off his dick !

Malnurtured Snay said...

Hmmmm.

Even if you find it, I'd suggest leaving it be ...

wallycrawler said...

I once was have'n sex pissed drunk with a even drunker gal friend . I didn't know she was on the rag and she didn't tell'n me either . I guess I rushed it a little and pushed her tampon up to nowhere-ville .

And it wasn't fun watch'n her try'n to fish it out ! Not much !!!

ChickyBabe said...

I hope you didn't sharpen that before visiting the toilet.

zen wizard said...

I don't know but stock up on Massengill "Scent of Mountain Flowers" just to be on the safe side for next time.

jungle jane said...

Beastie:
I thought I would draw a picture of my twat for you. How about on your face? Does that suit you?

Raffi:
That’s interesting - I wonder if hedgehogs know that they are running about with a load of tampons on their backs?

Convict:
I like to take my time in the bog. Savour the moment, like. Other people go to church – I like to practice my spirituality whilst taking a dump. Breathe in the air, like

Arm:
If I were you, I would take a week off every month to allow yourself to bleed freely.

Josh:
My word Josh, are you saying that you have lost crayons up your vagina? Holy smoke, that must be quite…er…colourful…

jungle jane said...

Wally (1)
Ohhh but I want to leave it up there as long as possible. Its my triumph Wally – the post that finally got you grossed out. I savor that moment y’know.

Snay:
Ohhhh…you mean like a lodged bullet? They often simply leave those alone too for decorative purposes. My word, I like that idea. I feel like a solider of sorts. A Hero.

Wally (2):
Maybe she wasn’t on the blob? Maybe she just fancied fisting herself and was too polite to tell you???

Chickybabe:
My word you are an offbeat lady. Why on earth would I sharpen my tampon?

Zen:
No need. I am working on a little side project to capture my own body odour and market it as perfume. I am certain it will be a best seller and everyone will get laid heaps more.

Denny Shane said...

I where the pencil is..... ;)

Pixie Sprinkle said...

Yo mum. Got any spare speed?

Henri Banks said...

i take that as a compliment ;-)

brookelina said...

We've met before. I'm sure of it.

~d said...

AAAAAAACCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!
It's Pixie!

(sorry!)
abt the pencil and the tampon thing. Ummm, tampons can be used to roll your hair...and I hope that pencil has a really absorbent eraser!

Sausage said...

Ah, this reminds me of the story of how Pixie was conceived.

Might I suggest you quickly break your self of the pencil chewing habit... before your mystery is solved?

PDD said...

23:09: Jungle Jane visits the hospital.

jungle jane said...

Denny
Ohhhh denny be a darling and pass the pencil back to me, please?

Pixie
No sweetie…it’s been a bit of a weekend. I’ve got a couple of vials of crack if you’re interested? And once you’ve freebased those, be a love and maker yer old mum a nice cup of tea?

Henri:
You see – flattery gets me everywhere. Now bring your pencil here….sharpish….

brookelina
Ahhhhhhhhhh! I remember now! You’re the girl with the most cake, right?

~d:
Blimey…I tell you…kids – they just never stop. You should know all about that though. Pixie might only be eight years old but blimey the little minx can drink and smoke me under the table…

As for the tampon – well they are useless as pencils let me tell you. I’ve finally dipped mine in honey and thrown it to the lesbians.

Sausage
Oh god yes, remember that night? I still can’t believe you managed to blow Slash and roll a joint at the same time.

I guess I could always use the tampon string as dental floss??

PDD:
Yayayayayayayayayayay! You are back!! I’m getting in a Facebook twist PDD and its all your fault. Damn stoopid demanding facebook…

tony said...

Same Thing Happened To Me Once,oonly I lost my rubber..........

Winters said...

You might produce some interesting artwork next time you rub yourself down...

jungle jane said...

Tony:
Oh lordy me - i hope it didn't end up behind your ear?? that would be ironic!

Winters:
Yes i like that idea - i could be like Banksy, but more twat oriented? Would you buy some of my artwork, winters? I can draw something for you on some knickers, or something??

fingers said...

You should attach a piece of string to your pencil so you can hang it round your neck; that way you'll always know where it is, Jane.
It'll also make it easier to pull the pencil out of your cunt...

Pixie Sprinkle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jungle jane said...

Fingers:
Dude, I am having to apply every ounce of ladylike composure to stop myself from siting on your finger and to hell with the damn pencil...

fingers said...

It's a slow day here.
Let's hope your desire triumphs over good manners then...

jungle jane said...

Good manners? fuck, fingers - did you mistake me for some other jungle jane with loud hair??