04 June 2007

Cycling

Although cycling is a healthy pursuit that keeps the youth off the streets it seems to me that our country is drowning in a sea of these childish, flimsy appliances bearing huffy types nodding at each other politely. All that yapping on about the environment blah blah makes me want to kick their carbon asses with my carbon footprint.

I’m not sure what it is these folk learn when they take their driving tests, but the highway code does not seem to be terribly significant. Cyclists seem to view traffic lights and pedestrian crossings as suggestions, and the only hand signal I've ever seen them use involves their middle finger or a shaking fist.

Cyclists do not pay road taxes yet ironically they seem to think that they are still legally allowed to ride on the streets. It seems to me that we would all be a heck of a lot safer if they stuck to riding on pavements. Indeed I have recently been re-training my dog to ignore old people and start chasing cyclists instead. I’m sure we all agree that the pavements are far safer for my dog than the road.

I don’t actually know anyone who rides a bicycle but I am sure that if I did I wouldn’t like them. My friends do not tuck their pants into their socks and none of them would forgo the purchase of a sofa in order to save the space in the lounge room for their bicycle. What type of human being hits the tar at 25mph and immediately leaps up to make sure that their bike is okay? These folk enjoy being knocked over by trucks – they view it as an opportunity to upgrade their accessories.

So what to do about the bicycle problem? Nothing, people! That is why busses were invented.

I am done with cycling now. I feel quite exhausted.
posted by jungle jane @ 7:36 pm |

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