22 June 2007

Sock sex

Whilst it is almost impossible to orgasm if you have cold feet it is equally difficult to become aroused if your partner refuses to remove their socks. Even if you having a quickie and are fully clothed, if you want to get your rocks off you should definitely get your socks off.

If you suffer from cold feet you should defrost them up by placing them on your partner’s nice warm arse. Alternatively, you can encourage your cat to sleep on your bed so that he can provide warmth to your toes while you are getting it off with your loved one. If your loved one is the cat, I suggest that you do not have sex with him – you would have nothing to keep your feet warm with.

Ladies, you might be tempted to keep your socks on in order to keep your partner’s ears warm. Forget that immediately - It is more in your interests to suggest that he use your inner thighs. Gentleman, please understand that there is nothing less romantic than seeing you walk around butt naked with an erection and your socks on.

The only circumstance under which it is acceptable to wear socks in bed is if you need a decoy. Ladies with a face like a slapped arse or gentlemen afflicted with a tiny cock can easily divert their partner’s attention away from these areas and onto the feet by wearing a nice bright pair of socks. Gay people, please be aware that a pink sock is in fact a prolapsed rectum and should never worn on your feet.

Of course all of this is subjective and we do live in a democracy. My helpful poll will help the whole world to settle the argument for once and for all. Vote for your life, kids. You know it’s the right thing to do.

posted by jungle jane @ 4:29 pm |


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